5 Problems I Have With Captain America: Civil War

Before I get to complaining, I thought Captain America: Civil War was okay.  They did a good job with Black Panther, every character other than Captain America and Ironman was just fine, and the movie handled a large cast shockingly good...most of the time.

So why can't I get a few things off my mind?  This movie got great reviews from the professionals so I can't help but wonder if this is a bit of fanboying or nitpicking or what.  Here are my five issues.

5.  Why did anything happen?

I know the impetuous is on governmental oversight but come on.  We all know the plot turned it into Martha Bucky.  It should have stayed on the Governmental oversight but that would have required a 3 hour movie.

Kudos for a Marvel movie FINALLY slowing down it's pacing at times...until the airport scene to the end...but it's a start.  It was mostly to give development to Black Panther, explain how the overpowered Scarlet Witch and Vision is secluded for the start, and to remind the audience that Cap and Bucky are just the best of friends (even though they shouldn't be).  All of that is fine, but some of those slower scenes could have been spent on the nuance of "how much power should the Avengers have"?  That is a cool question.  That is a similar question (albeit, extended to the entire Marvel Universe) to what the comic storyline is.  Why not explore that?

Oh, right, the MCU just wants to stay comic action for comic actions sake. Dare it to ask tough questions and Marvel wrongly points to the DC movies and laughs.*  Instead, we get Bucky the Martha plot device taking over the plot about half way through.  Couldn't, I don't know, couldn't Cap and Stark just....talk this over?  You're going to war over a dude who was brainwashed, Cap knows this, and, Stark just doesn't care?  No, Stark doesn't know.  So......oh god this is stupid.

*DC movies at least try to tackle tougher/headier/philosophical questions. Weirdly enough, those are often their best moments.  It's all the other stuff DC movies suck at.  

I KNOW they're being manipulated by "Totally Not Baron Zemo" but....how?  We get next to nothing showing him manipulating the heroes.  He just says at the end, "Yeah I totally did this."  Uh, okay.  Is Marvel so bad at villains it decided to almost completely ignore the villain from this one because they knew they couldn't do "Zemo" justice?  Ultron is a TERRRRRRRIBLE villain and he is ten times better than "Zemo".   I'm not even a Baron Zemo fan!  The fuck is this?  I may write a post JUST on Marvel's villain problem.

He's in this movie.  Get...the fuck....out.

BTW, the motivations for most of the other superheroes get basically one line of dialogue (which I thought was REALLY well done by the way) yet Captain America gets the entire movie and his motivation never seems to be more than wanting to help his bro.  He has NEVER been convincing in hating or not liking or even distrusting the governmental project that created himself.  Yeah, he's pissed he ended up in the future because he should....have....died when Red Skull's plane......what?!?!?!  The fuck does that have anything to do with the project that created YOU?

4. Tony Stark.

War Machine:  "Didn't you refuse to work with the Government before?"

Ironman:  "Well, that was before anybody died from my weapons."

(Still better reasoning than the NRA in my opinion).

Okay, I liked that Stark has a more human reason for suddenly embracing governmental oversight.  It actually made him seem right for once and, well, #TeamStark.

BUT, his character wouldn't linger on that for as long as this movie needs for a Civil War, a Civil War that is just as much his fault as Caps.  Tony Stark is still Tony Stark.  I can easily see him being upset after a mother tells the story about how her son was killed in their collateral damage but to have it haunt him enough to go through with everything in this....UGH, 2 weeks?  A month?  Again Marvel.  Why is it so hard to pinpoint a time frame in your movies?

Ironman wanted to get Shwarma at the end of Avengers 1.  Is this the same character now?

3. Vision and Scarlet Witch going MIA.  

...............When did this happen?  

A buddy of mine already pointed this out but, what were they doing through most of the airport scene?  Yeah, Vision shows up occasionally after he's done staring at the clouds.  Scarlet Witch is missing through almost all of it then has Team Stark Get Rekt.  I'm sorry but better fight scenes have their OP characters knocked out at the start by science/magic/whatever so that they have a reason to be missing for a bit and can turn the tide at the end.  Here, Scarlet Witch is just doing....something.  Vision, I assume, was just confused.

Maybe she took off to get a latte cause goddamn is this civil war stupid.

2.  The Fight Scenes.

I am SO goddamn sick of the Christopher Nolan, rapid fire, shaky cam fight scenes.  It's especially atrocious in the first scene.  I.....have no idea who punched what.   The airport scene was okay because they actually toned the rapid fire edits back shockingly enough, but the final Cap, Winter Solider, Ironman fight went back to this and I thought Cap decapitated Stark.  He didn't, and hey.....

Fuck you directors/editors if that was on purpose.  Tricks like that are just to make the audience think they saw a thing and in slower edits, it works.  Not when you IMMEDIATELY show that didn't happen with the rapid fire edit.  There was no time to process anything.  A fake-out isn't very effective when it lasts less than a second.

(I knowwww a lot of people have just accepted this rapid fire editing as the way fight scenes/action scenes are now.  Even Mad Max:Fury Road did this at times, but not always.  We need more Bruce Lee's.  It could be SO MUCH BETTER).

1.  WHY WAS SPIDERMAN HERE?

I hate everything about this picture.

Unlike the rest of my Twitter friends, I actually like Spiderman.  Well....I did until the Clone Saga, and the holy fucking shit this is literally the worst story ever told One More Day storyline.  Anyway, regardless of his age, he's supposed to be awkward, annoying, and short sighted because he's perpetually stuck being a teenager.  Teens are dumb you guys.  Have you talked to one recently?

Spiderman plays a HUGE role in the comic storyline because he's kind of neutral while also being Team Stark.  He actually reveals his identity in an effort to stop the Civil War.  It's not necessary here as this movie altered the comic plot from "Superhero Registration Act" to "This is totally real you guys we swear UN oversight".  If he isn't going to be the sorta neutral party.....why is he here?

I know the answer to my own question (to appease comic fans sorta) but he's here because....the teams needed rebalancing after Cap won 6 vs 4?*  His CGI-ness really stuck out and while you can't really MoCap the absurdly agile Spiderman, it still seemed - WHY DID HIS COSTUME'S EYES MOVE?  Is his costume magic?!?!?!  I know Stark gave him one but no, nnnnnnno!  There is no science for, the fuck that is.  It drives me nuts.  His eyes should be static goddamnit.

*Vidya garme reference, whaaaaaaaat?

Although, for as "qwipy" as every MCU movie is, I didn't mind Spiderman slinging jokes and one-liners because that is kinda his thing.  Also, Marvel is owned by Disney, which also owns Star Wars, Spidey makes a Star Wars reference......

Captain America: Civil War is a fine movie, I swear.  But I kind of hate it.  Its got Jurassic World syndrome.  Why does this movie exist?  I'm so confused.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Follow me on Twitter I guess.  Whatever.

Overwatch Beta Impressions (maybe slightly NSFW image used).

I'm not a big fan of multiplayer only games and I'm one who typically doesn't like moba's, but even I couldn't resist the allure of Overwatch.  It took maybe a dozen Let's Play videos from people in the closed beta to make me want to check out the open beta.  And yeah, yeah, it's fun as hell.

I think it helps that Overwatch isn't really a moba but an arena shooter. Basically a Team Fortress sort of ripoff with light moba elements in its characters.  Every character seems to have a counter, balance is mostly okay, and abilities can often have unique powers against other characters.  The maps are varied enough to have a "capture the two points" maps, best of 3 capture and hold a single point maps, and escort the payload maps that usually have a point to capture first but not always.  I'd get sick of playing the same three lanes, towers, minions, thing many other actual mobas are designed as.  Plus, this game is a weird mix of hardcore and casual enough that it's easy not to take it too seriously.  I think Blizzard could have a real gem here and it will likely be my go-to multiplayer game for a long time.

I'd like to give you my impressions on some of the characters.  I at least tried every character over the roughly 25-30 hours I played, but many not enough to give a good opinion on.  So here is the top, ehhhh, 8 I played in ascending order.

Portal 3 looks hardcore.

8. Zarya - Yeah.  I'm surprised too.  I saw hardly anybody play her and probably for good reason.  I don't get this character.  She's basically a support tank, while also being kinda squishy for a tank.  Her particle beam isn't very long so she has to get in peoples faces.  It can get powered up with her barriers taking damage though.  You can give yourself and your teammates barriers....but they last roughly 2 seconds.  So, you basically need to predict when your teammates will leave cover AND when they might take damage, making this character incredibly hard to learn.  I never saw a really good Zarya, but down the road, if somebody really does learn her, they would be unstoppable.  Also, her Ult is a black hole that doesn't do damage but a coordinated team could really make some plays.  Think Zarya ult and McCree/Pharrah ult....good god.

Is she part robot or...?

7. Mercy - She's basically the Medic from Team Fortress only with a flight ability that usually gets me killed.  She can also boost a teammates attack but as soon as they start taking damage I immediately switch to heals.  Many have tried a Team Fortress style tandem of Medic and Heavy, but I haven't really found a great one.  Also, her ult can singlehandedly change the course of a game if she can resurrect several teammates that die at once.

Loudest damn gun in the game

6. Torbjorn - I had my best kill streak with this character at 26 despite not doing much work because turret.  I think I know the game I got this on too.  It was Route 66 and the opposing team decided to go with 6 Tracers (lolwut).  They eventually destroyed that turret, but I set up another one on the top of the ramp by the payload and....just threw out armor the rest of the match because they never destroyed that 2nd turret.  I barely had to fix it.  Also, his ult gives him and his turret super strength and it's a tad overpowered.

Yeah.  This death machine is so peaceful.

5. Bastion - Uh....more on him in a bit.

Dat smirk tho

4. Symmetra - I love this character.  You can get creative with her and her six sentry turrets.  There really isn't a stealth character in this game (Reaper sorta) and you know how I love me some stealth.  This character lets me be creative without the stealth.  I usually hang back with this character and let the sentry turrets do most of the work.  Symmetra can't really carry a team though so others need to do the heavy lifting.  Still though, I had the highest win percentage with her.  Her teleporter is soooooo nice for those long runs back too.

She's so sassy and I love it.

3. Dva - For a mech, it sure does explode easily.  Luckily you can run around and shoot a decently powered pistol afterwards...but you have no other abilities while in this mode.  At least she is fast.  Dva is the only tank I'm decent at and I had my 2nd best kill streak with her at 15.  I hate how she can barely move while shooting in mech form but, whatever.  On the last day of the beta, I learned how to use her better with the shield and her flight that lets her short range guns do far more damage.  Plus, her ult is RI-DIC-U-LOUS.  Seeing opposing players panic while looking for cover is fun though.

I don't see the big deal about her forearm thingies.

2. Tracer - Tracer is a lot of fun butt I suck at her.  I've lost the most games as her and die A LOT.  And, I've blinked off the side of a cliff.....several times.  That said, I tend to play her as a harasser.  If teams start chasing, oh man, it's on.  I never get many kills as her butt I can be twitchy and get teams to focus on me while the rest of my team captures the point.  Those are the good matches.  If they stick to their ground, then I'm useless as Tracer.  Her ult is okay butt I NEVER successfully got a bomb to stick.  Why do I always fucking miss?

Bae.

1. Mei - 

You: "I hate Mei.  She's too weak except suddenly I face a good one and everything sucks."
Me: "Mei.....is.....bae."
You:  "What? No. Why is her main attack so weak? It doesn't do much damage."
Me: "Mei..........is...............bae."
You:  "What are you talking about?  Her secondary icicle attack is strong but tough to aim without a scope.  Her ult seems to go where it wants too and her ice heal is super cheap.  She's the only one that can heal and be immune to damage while she does so."
Me:  "Mei............................................is..............................bae."
You:  "Why do you keep saying that?"
Me:  "Mei is bae.  Mei is bae."
You: "....okay."
Me:  "MEI IS BAE.  MEI IS BAE."
You:  "..."
Me:  "MEIISBAEMEIISBAEMEIISBAEMEIISBAEMEIISBAEMEIISBAEMEIISBAEMEIISBAE.  #Meiisbae.
You:  *clicks on twitter hashtag*  "Oh god!"

(Yeah don't click that hashtag on twitter at work.  It is, predictably, filling with porn.)

You do you Internet.  

Mei is a hard character to learn but once you do, Mei is bae.  I'm not sure who counters her except maybe a good Tracer since Mei is a tad slow.  Her ice wall is just...bliss.  I love periodically setting up a wall on a Widowmaker or Hanzo up high just cause I can.  I hope the Widowmaker is looking through her scope too when BAM, nothing but ice.  Her freeze ray is weak in damage but can freeze enemies for a icicle shot, melee, or partner with a friendly sniper.  I had the most objective kills with her despite never getting that many kills with her....if that makes sense.  I tend to play her as a defensive harasser, hanging around the objective and spamming ice walls that sometimes block my own team from making shots but hey, my teams win when I do that often so let it go for teams sake.  The best part is her durability as a non-tank.  I may not get many kills, except when they try to take my point, but I rarely die as her too.

Wow this is getting long for an impressions write-up.  4 more points about Overwatch I want to bring up.  

1. The maps tend to favor defense in my opinion, especially Volskaya Industries where the offensive team maybe won 10% of the time.  I don't know why this is since that last point has multiple paths to attack.  Coordination is key here so playing with randoms makes this near impossible.

Hollywood is also a rare attack win.

2. Fuck Bastion.  Okay, I played him quite a bit but I've been buried by defensive teams that go 3 Bastions with one Junkrat or Symmetra that set up kills for them.  I usually switch to Roadhog so I can hook those fuckers out of their turret formation. Unfortunately, nobody else switches so I just watch a bunch of Reinhardts get their shields blown away in seconds.  Snipers and a good Pharrah can counter Bastion as well.  Maybe Genji.  Speaking of...

3. Genji seems broken but he's actually really hard to play well.  A good Genji is the worst though.  Just....the worst.  #GenjiisNOTbae

Yes. I funny with dank memes too. Blaze it 420. Let us partake in some Mountain Dew and Doritos brother.

4. Finally, I played the beta on PS4 but I'm going to get the game for PC now that I have a PC capable of running it.  I already have nightmares of relearning everything with keyboard and mouse but I'll adjust.  That said....(my PC gaming friends are going to love this part)......

The PS4 community is struggle bus.  I know it's a problem on all platforms that too many people are unwilling to change characters mid match to counter but holy hell, why was I stuck on a poorly performing attack team with 3 goddamn snipers?  Not one player changed, we all got slaughtered and I tried to desperately capture a point with time running out 1 vs 6.  1 vs 6?!?!?  I even checked and all my teammates were ALIVE for that final rush.  The fuck were you all doing?  As an experiment, I decided to stick with them for another match and, I...ahh....3 goddamn snipers again on a best of 3 map!  Yeah, great picks.  I know you all want to snipe so badly but that is basically giving the other team the win.  

"Why you here love?"

There were FARRRRR too many times when I'm attacking the point and NEVER see a teammate.  Oh, they're not dead, they are just camping somewhere in an effort to get a good K/D.....in a game that really doesn't value K/D all that much. It's more about team kills as "eliminations".  As long as you did some damage, you get a point.  You can solo kill people obviously, but it doesn't really add up to winning necessarily.

I've mentioned this before in my Battlefront review but PS4 players have a lot of people who only want to a good K/D and couldn't give less of a shit about actually winning.  I know every platform has them but it seems egregiously high recently.  I know a lot of people (dickbags) have switched to PS4 after the Xbox One announcement debacle.  It was never this bad on PS3, or, at least it didn't feel like it.

Also, the saltiness at times, my god.  The only guy on voice chat in one match decided to spend most of the match whining that none of us were a Reinhardt while he was a fucking Mercy.  If we need a Reinhardt so bad....why not YOU change?  Mercy is a good support, I like her, but don't always need her.  We were losing, I switched to Roadhog, he kept healing me, and I made a play of the game that stopped the payload inches from the destination (we were the only two alive at the time) with 2 minutes left.  The rest of the team that never changed characters and I held them off and won.  So not only was this dude salty, he was proven wrong.  And in the next match, I was on his opposing team and played a part in stopping a payload inches from it's destination again with some perfect Symmetra turrets and held out for 4 fucking minutes.  He quit out after losing.  I....almost want to know what he was saying to his team.  It would have been the saltiest of whining and we would have to declare him the new Dead Sea.

I consist of shield and hammer....and rocket engine on my....back....what?

(I....just wanted to tell that story in the last paragraph).

Anyway.  Fun game.  I assume in time, people and teams will learn to counter better and the game won't be so defensively advantageous. I look forward to getting into the swing of things again on PC and playing with some buds who are probably reading this.

But still, hey Blizzard?  Maybe think about nerfing Bastion some.  Maybe a smaller clip in turret mode and/or a longer reload.  Thanks.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Follow me on Twitter so you can complain about how Bastion is awesome and somehow not OP.

Captain America: Civil War immediate reaction review

WARNING: IF YOU INTEND TO SEE THIS MOVIE AND PREFER NOT TO HAVE IT SPOILED DO NOT READ!!


OH. MY. GOODNESS!! I am thoroughly impressed, stunned, in anticipation of what's to come next! Marvel has seriously got this thing down so well its impossible not to love anything they put out (sans that awful fantastic 4 retry lol) I swear they're going to make me sound like a homer but damn Marvel just gets it! they know what buttons to push and when and they get it right 99 times out of a 100!

      Excellent job with integrating the Black Panther and now Spidey himself as well... I still love Paul Rudd as Ant Man that pick is still so absolutely brilliant on Marvels part, I liked the kid they picked to play Spidey but at the same time would've liked keeping the other one as well, his name escapes me forgive me its late and I'm lazy.... anyway Black Panther is going to be epic! cant wait for that movie to come out!! and now I want more dammit give us more!!!!

Friendly reminder than your friendly neighborhood Deadpool movie comes out on bluray and dvd IN 4 DAYS!!!

enjoy,
UtesAvsfan