Thermal Clip

Thermal Clip

Friday, March 27, 2015

Papo & Yo Review

Is this THE LAST GUARDIAN?!?!?

When I downloaded Papo and Yo off of Playstation Plus, I was expecting a lighthearted puzzle-platformer that would leave me thinking, "that was a thing."  I was also thinking it might be a game I don't finish as I find puzzle-platformers pretty hit or miss.  This one, however, is all Hit and it dished out the emotion in a thoughtful way.

From the opening dedication and the opening cutscene, you know this game is going to be about a boy dealing with an abusive father.  (Look at the picture posted above again....subtle isn't it?)  Instead of being presented as some realistic, deep, drama, the game takes place in a dream like world that seems to be the boy's escapist fantasy.

You take control of the boy named Quico.  You quickly meet a mysterious girl named Alejandra who seems scared of you at first but later acts as a best friend/guide role.  There is also Lula, Quico's toy robot with a jet pack, who is animate and can talk.  Then, there's monster....

This lazy douchebag.

Monster is the metaphor for the boy's real world father.  (This is not a spoiler.  You'd have to be an idiot to not figure that out in the first FIVE SECONDS of the game).  Most of the game revolves around getting Quico and Monster from point A to point B in an effort to "fix" Monster.  Monster's AI is basically a big dumb id who sleeps and eats and does nothing else.  You can manipulate him with coconuts to get him to go where you need him as he seeks them out automatically.  A lot of the time he is passive and in one instance he saves Quico's life.  Monster ALSO seeks out frogs, which he really likes to eat....but that's where things change.

Once Monster consumes a frog he goes into rage mode and becomes aggressive, constantly attacking you.  What is interesting here is that this is NOT a fail state in the game.  He cannot kill you, but man, does he beat the ever loving shit out of you.  He seems slightly faster than you, gives you little time to recover after tossing you like a rag doll, there is no such thing as a dodge button, and he can cut off a turn like a semi-truck.  I know this is a cliche thing to say but, "I've never been so helpless" in a video game.  The only way to get Monster de-raged is to feed him a rotten coconut, which forces him to vomit out the frog.  Frogs are obviously a metaphor for some sort of substance abuse.  SPOILER (It's alcohol).

"It makes me feel alive, because it is alive man"

These metaphors are the best part of this game and I love games that tie storytelling into gameplay this well.*  Lula is a toy that Quico cherished as protection.  Alejandra is, I THINK, Quico's older sister but I'm not entirely sure (I think this is one of those lost in cultural translation things because at times she comes across as almost a girlfriend despite SPOILER AGAIN ((she has the same father as revealed late in the game.))) (Sooo many parentheses!!!!!))))))).  There is also how Quico deals with Monster.  Lula and Alejandra both caution Quico about trusting Monster too much.  Quico, meanwhile, seems optimistic that Monster can be a good guy.

*Sidebar:  I actually think the indie game scene has the ONLY people experimenting with storytelling through gameplay, which is a shame since video games could tell stories in a very unique way.  Something like Minecraft doesn't count by the way.  I hope to cover this topic more in depth in a future blogpost.  I have opinions and stuff!*

This blogpost is getting long but I feel like I'm forgetting something.....

Blocks?  SQUARES ON THE GROUND? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?

OH, right!  Gameplay.  The dream-like world is set in a Latin American shantytown with various gears, keys, levers, and handles all outlined in some sort of magic chalk. Activating these moves literal buildings to help you get from place to place.  The puzzles themselves range from obvious to mildly tricky, but I never spent too long being stumped on one.  An early bridge building puzzle looks daunting at first since the camera spins around showing DOZENS of points to interact, but once you start it, you find out that each thing you activate is just a part of a bridge, which you can manipulate to reach new parts, and so on.

What kind of key unlocks a wall?  Ever heard of DOORS?

While the puzzles are pretty easy, there are times that can be frustrating because there are puzzles you can only get past WITH an enraged Monster.  Make one poor jump and you fall to the ground where Monster relentlessly beats on you.  It's difficult getting back up to the platforms, especially if you are thrown into a corner where the beatings from Monster seem worse.

This game does have it's flaws but they seem entirely on the technical side of things. Objects clip through other objects from time to time.  Certain mechanics are introduced once but never used again like throwing frogs against walls and one single platforming section having disappearing platforms. Twice, the frame rate had a severe drop that lead to some choppy chase sequences but those drops only lasted a second or two so I'm not going to be like TotalBiscuit and whine about it for 27 more paragraphs.

Nothing smug about that.

Regardless of some flaws, the gameplay is solid.  If you want a challenge, this is not the game for you.  If you want a unique, interesting, metaphorical, escapist look into a dark past, this game is for you.

I appreciate this game.  I thank the developer for sharing a personal story in such a compelling way.  I don't have an abusive family member but I too have some dark shit that happened to me in the past, just like literally everyone.  This game makes me wonder if I could create something so imaginative to exorcise those demons.

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Monday, March 23, 2015

4 Movies I'm Actually Looking Forward too this Year.

Not gonna lie.  Leading into 2014, I couldn't give two shits about any movie.  I saw exactly 2 movies in the theatres. Ghostbusters Re-Release, because it was awesome and I got drunk and Guardians of the Galaxy, which was okay.

Seriously, why did everyone love GOTG so much? It followed every cliche ever.  It was an okay movie, not great.

1.  Avengers: Age of Ultron

Obviously.  Watch the final trailer if you haven't already.

...This is the Thumbnail?

The first movie made the Avengers look invincible by making an invading alien army their bitch.  This is a problem as it makes the heroes hard to root for.  Also, movie LAW says the 2nd movie in a trilogy must be the darkest (except for The Lord of the Rings because Peter Jackson is terrible at pacing), and every Avengers trailer has made Ultron a very intimidating threat.  Who voices him by the way?  JAMES SPADER?!?!  That's so fucking rad!

So what other threat could make The Avengers look like the underdogs? AI of course.  CALL ME A SCI-FI NERD but humanity has been fighting robots for so goddamn long...(in movies)...I think Asimo is ready to file a harassment suit.  

I think it's a toss up between this and #4 on this list for "which movie will make more money". It doesn't really matter who wins though.  Both movies are owned by Disney.

2.  Mad Max: Fury Road.

I love really like the Mad Max series.  Granted, I haven't seen a Mad Max movie in about a decade, but I'm actually excited for this reboot.  It's a funny thing to write too, since I am well known on my previous blog for being really skeptical...of every...reboot...that even gets announced.  Reboots that are better than the original are very rare.  (2012's Dredd is a good example of the exception.  Than again, the Stallone Judge Dredd movie set a very low bar to hurdle).

However, this reboot is being made by the same director and writer of the original.  If anybody can re-work art AND have it be good, it should be the original artist.  Oh, and the movie uses very little CGI. Almost every stunt is done with practical effects which CALL ME A HIPSTER, alwayyyyys looks better on high budget movies.  I mean come on, look at this shit.

Mel Gibson is a fuckhole

Okay.  That storm near the end of the trailer is obviously CGI but the car wrecks and explosions are real.  And they look amazing, since this is shot in the desert, and unlike a comic book movie, doesn't need to destroy a city.

3.  Crimson Peak.

Not gonna lie, I love Guillermo Del Toro.  He makes movies for the fun of it.  The Hellboy movies are stupid but very entertaining and make narrative sense.  Pacific Rim is REALLY stupid, VERY entertaining and DOESN'T make narrative sense (why isn't Mako the main protagonist?).  But there is the hipster in me that wonders why he doesn't make another Pan's Labyrinth only as a full blown horror film.

Luckily, we get his "ultimate masterpiece" that has been in and out of development for 10 years or so.

Spoiler alert:  I bet "Crimson Peak" is a fancy term for "Blood Mountain".

I hope this movie does what people THINK it might do, which is reboot the entire stagnant horror genre.  GDT is also involved in one of the most anticipated horror video games with Silent Hills.  That is a lot to put on one guy and hopefully his vision can make a great movie and great video game.  My senses say it will be a mediocre movie and an awful video game because Hideo Kojima may have been fired from Konami. That's like Microsoft firing Bill Gates or Reese's Peanut Butter Cups firing Mr Peanut.  

If this movie re-invents the horror genre, I will be surprised.  CALL ME A PESSIMIST, but out of any movie on this list, this is the one I'm the most curious about.  It's different.  It's unique.  It's an original goddamn screenplay.  And holy shit, does the horror genre need an entire reset more than any other, except for maybe Rom-Coms.  

4.  Star Wars: The Force Awakens. 

I don't talk about it much but I used to be a HUGE Star Wars nerd.  I still want a Stormtrooper costume (contact me on Twitter if you have a free one).  I had books, comics, toys, and the video games holy shit, the first Star Wars: Dark Forces is one of my favorite games....in like the 30's range (also, Battlefront).  

So it should go as no surprise that I flipped my shit on this trailer.

WHEN THE MILLENNIUM FALCON PEW PEW'S AND I'M ALL LIKE YYYYYEAH PEW PEW BLAMMO.  GET SOME YOU DARK SIDE FUCKS!

I don't even care.

I don't even care about your opinion of me.

I want this movie to be so good my eyes are blown through the back of my skull.  

I don't even care.  I don't even care about your Jar-Jar attitude right now.  I want this movie to blow every other movie out of the water with tactical nuclear strikes.  I don't even care.

Also, George Lucas did such a terrible job with the prequels that this movie might be good just by association alone.  I expect the 2nd Star Wars movie to be dark as shit, just like my favorite Star Wars movie, The Empire Strikes Back.  So...Avengers: Age of Ultron might be the better movie, but fuck it, I wanna see this one more.  

CALL ME A STAR WARS NUTJOB!  I will take it as a compliment.  

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Thursday, March 5, 2015

Thief (2014) Review

Writers note:  I did not finish this game.  I played about 15 hours.  I didn't finish because it sucks....hard.

My one sentence review of Thief would be: "It's a shitty Dishonored".  My in depth review of Thief would end: "So basically, this game is a shitty Dishonored".  I loved Dishonored.  This game tries to be Dishonored...only if it was shitty.

A much better game.

The first problem with this game is its terrible, TERRRRRRRRIBLE, level design.  Many gamers complained that this game is "too linear" and in a vacuum, that is like complaining that GTA is "too open world".  Linear games are fine.  Linear stealth games, however, are a problem.  Stealth games thrive in large environments.  The Last of Us, for example, has a linear progression but a majority of the levels are large enough to give the player options on how to handle a given situation. Thief is more like two virgins having sex.

You can pick the locks on doors, but can't open others.  You can open some windows, but not others.  You can climb a few walls, but most you can't (Some of the walls you can climb switches to a 3rd person Assassins Creed mode for no rational reason).  You can use the rope arrow to reach higher terrain like 2 times...making me question why I even bothered to buy the damn things.  In Dishonored, I almost always took to the rooftops to get around.  In Thief, you are limited to the ground in an insane number of times, except in the prologue which I think exists just to insult the player.  The prologue is almost all rooftop, like, "look at how much fun it is to run along rooftops", only the rest of the game NEVER LETS YOU DO THAT!

Imma touch you!

There is a stupid amount of dead ends in this game.  In a stealth game, that's a huge fucking problem because you need escape routes when you get spotted.  In Thief, whenever I try to escape getting noticed, I run into a dead end alleyway forcing me to use the awful combat system to fight my way through 6 guards and probably die.

Did I mention the combat system sucks?  Because holy shit, press one button to do all combat is worse than an insurance company who might appear when you're having sex.  I played this game on the PS3.  L1 to dodge, R1 to do all melee combat.  You can use a bow, but that only really works when the guards are not alerted (and even then, not always).  Think of the combat system from the Elder Scrolls games but somehow WORSE.

Yeah.  Totally believable fight sequence.  

But just in case this game didn't sound bad enough, the enemy AI is absolutely BROKEN.  Guards will never notice you unless you are 5 feet in front of them in a well lit area.  Apparently Garrett (the main character) is a wizard who is invisible in darkness even when a guard is looking DIRECTLY AT YOU AND STANDING 10 FEET AWAY.  However, if you are noticed, every guard in a 3 state radius bum rushes you and with the previously mentioned shitty combat system, AND inability to escape (I cannot stress how big of a problem that is for a stealth game), you are fucked.  That means you have to run every level absolutely perfectly, not because of purposely difficult design, but because of shitty design.

Before I move on to one last shitty thing about this game, I should mention that this game IS OPEN WORLD, but good fucking luck getting anywhere.  The map, holy hell, is fucking worthless.   I thought Deadly Premonition had the worst map in video game history but no, Thief is somehow worse.  You cannot zoom in, ever.  You cannot scroll.  YOU, CAN, NOT, SCROLL!  It is completely static.  Even then, the map is nothing but rectangles that might be connected but those connections ARE NOT SHOWN.  Holy shit, fuck this game.  It can't get a map right!

WHAT? My map never got this filled in...and THIS map still looks like shit.

This game was also written by Rhianna Pratchett who also wrote the new Tomb Raider with such a nuance, subtlety, and humanity that Lara Croft has never had.  So how did this boring, cliche, Dishonored ripoff of a story happen as well?  A good story could have convinced me to finish this game but even that sucked.

This is the same studio that did one of my favorite games of all time, Deus Ex: Human Revolution.  How?  HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?   I know layoffs are a big problem in the gaming industry and why I only really trust Bioware and Atlus to be consistent (and I'm not even that confident in Bioware), but this has got to stop.  Square Enix doesn't get enough hate considering all the hate given to EA, Activision, and now Ubisoft (rightfully so).  But Square Enix is the forgotten 4th child.  Not quite as big as those other 3, but still big enough since they will have 15 shitty Final Fantasy games to offset their shitty* decisions elsewhere.

Final Fantasy XV coming soon!

*I've said "shitty" a lot in this post.  This post was brought to you by the AVGN.  Remember him?

Being a big fan of stealth games, this is the first Thief game I've ever played.  I know the previous ones are probably a lot better, I also know that I could probably just replay Dishonored.  Fuck this game.

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Here is my part 1 of my Top 10 Games list with a GOOD stealth game

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