Star Wars Battlefront: Review

I played the first two Battlefronts A LOT because they offered a lot of repeat entertainment when I was a poor college student (and because I was only coming down from my Star Wars fan high. Hard to quit cold turkey you know?). Neither of them are really great games, but they are enjoyable and worthwhile for the price.  There isn't a lot too them, but I feel like I got my money's worth.

So why is it, that the new Star Wars: Battlefront feels so....shallow?  The first two were just as shallow, especially the first one which didn't even have online multiplayer.  Is it maybe because what we get is what we expected a decade ago?  Or maybe, because this concept still hasn't moved past the novelty of playing famous Star Wars battles?

For $60 dollars, or $120 if you're an idiot who bought the Premium Addition (Are you gonna tell me there is a SECOND game's worth of DLC coming?  Get the fuck out EA), SW:B is maybe half a dozen maps, another half a dozen maps for the modes with small maps, and 10 modes that have been used over and over since Unreal goddamn Tournament.  It's just the same shit...but it looks and sounds great!  

Here are the modes:

• Supremacy - A large map mode where you try to capture control points like any other Battlefront/Battlefield game.
• Cargo - Which is capture the flag on small maps.
• Droid Run - Which is capture three droids and defend them. Basically a randomized, small map, Supremacy.
• Drop Zone - Which is the exact same thing as droid run but no defending needed.
• Hero Hunt - King of the hill but with Star Wars heroes.
• Heroes vs Villains - An awful mode where you need to keep your hero alive as long as possible but anybody playing as a hero just wants to fight everybody.
• Blast - Deathmatch
• Turning Point - A variation on Supremacy except Rebels are offense and Imperials are defense only with a time limit. I like it but it has ONE FUCKING MAP.  One.  Hard to find a fullish server since people tire of playing the same map over and over.  (this is only available on a free DLC too).  

It's Tatooine with wreckage

The other two modes are Fighter Squadron, which is blegh*, and Walker Assault which could have been cool.  Walker Assault is a mode where the rebels try to activate nodes so that their bombers can, well, bomb an AT-AT Walker.  The Imperial side's job is to shut those off and defend the walkers.  It sucks.  The maps always put the Walkers on the very edge of the map making it impossible to defend or to even use the map strategically on the imperial side.  The rebel side can just activate nodes and camp, forever.  It's so poorly scaled.  

*Fighter Squadron is just X-wings vs Tie fighters in the air kill, kill, kill the end.  Oh, there are transports you need to defend or destroy but goooood fucking luck defending one.  It's impossible.  It's like shooting a slow moving sky whale. Also, flying in Battlefront has always been weird.  I SUCK hard at it and according to end game leaderboards, so does almost everybody else.  Funny how one of the mainstay aspects of Battlefront is it's wonky flying.  The few that are good though absolutely DESTROY on Supremacy maps with their air strike runs.  It's almost unfair.

More like: "AAAHHH, AAAHHH, WHAT DO I DO?  WHAT DO I-" dead.

The combat mechanics are casual, as they should be for a Star Wars game like this.  It's not a complaint just, whatever.  Although I must say, 1st person is the default but I play in 3rd person like a Battlefront game is supposed to be played.  Unfortunately, the game is not optimized for 3rd person so I spend a lot of time shooting into my cover.  It's so dumb.  So many games get 3rd person shooters right so if the option is there, what's Battlefronts excuse?  It's worse than previous Battlefront games!

As for those hand full of maps, they're meh.  Jakku and Hoth are my favorites even though they both have easily exploitable weaknesses with a good team.  The "lava one" is heavily in favor of the imperial side, but it's okay.  The wastes are just a shooting gallery with narrow corridors everywhere.  Then there is Endor.....FUCK this map.  It's too big.  It's so easy to flank and so easy to get murked in the middle.  You can walk out to the edges of this map and never see another person.  How do I know?  I DID IT, just as an experiment.  I thought something was off and decided to try it.  That was a fun 0-0 kill/death ratio for 15 minutes.

This feels more like Predator than Star Wars.

So far....everything I've said is about on par with the first two Battlefronts, but here is why THIS Battlefront sucks.  Missing content and my own personal gripes with multiplayer.  I know, one can't be helped, but the other can.

Starting with the ladder, I get annoyed when other players ignore the objectives in multiplayer.  I never want to be a guy that wants to tell another how to play, but this is stupid.  One time, our team was losing so I singlehandedly rushed a control point to capture it and win in the last two minutes.  I was there, alone, thinking maybe some of my teammates would come help me capture it faster.  I sat there, for a full minute, watching the point get slowwwwly captured since I was the only one there.  One minute later, instead of reinforcements, I get attacked by six players from the opposing team who knew I was about to steal their win in the last minute.  I took out two of them and went out in epic glory at the very least.  More importantly, WHERE WAS MY TEAM?  This isn't a complex MOBA.  Capture this ONE point and win.  The fuck were the rest of them doing?*

*Before you ask, you can see teammates on your minimap and they weren't even trying to help.  It wasn't like they were pinned down and just couldn't get to me.

In an opposite scenario, most of the best players typically have around 35-45 kills to 10-15 deaths. For four straight games, I played against possibly the best player ever who topped the leaderboard around 75-3.  A K/D ratio like that in a casual game is unreal....anyway, that dudes team lost, every, single, time.  What did this guys amazing play do to help his team win?  Nothing.*  This has always been a something I've hated in multiplayer games.  Sure, it works for Counter-Strike but for little else.  And if all he wanted to do was rack up a kill count, THERE IS A DEATHMATCH MODE FOR THIS GAME.  

*Why not play a MOBA you ask?  Well....that's a whole other argument.  The team aspect still gets lost there when most of them build with RPG like skill trees yet "there is only one build you are allowed to do otherwise you're the worst."**

**I know some of my Twitter buds are looking at me funny right now.  MOBA's just aren't my thing okay.  Also, I really don't understand jungling and bots?  Why are there bots?  Also, also, there are going to be 14 shooter MOBA's coming out in 2016 and they all have the 3 lanes, towers, jungle, minions thing going on.....we sure there is NO OTHER WAY to do this??????

Finally, the missing content.  Where are space battles?  Where is goddamn Galactic Conquest, aka, the main mode of previous Battlefronts?  I know it's just a singleplayer version of multiplayer except it's with and against all bots but common.  It had some depth and ideas to it.  The singleplayer in this game!?!?  Yeah, it exists, I guess, like strapping a dildo to a horses head means Unicorns exist.  The fuck is this?  Fight some bots with the WORST AI I have seen in years, collect the tokens over their bodies and oh hey!  Look!  A Tattooine map only available for this stupid ass mode......Wh....wha....what the fuck?

Like it.  Love it.  Fuckin pay ALL the money for it.  Yeah baby.

Why is this here instead of a Galactic Conquest mode?  For as shallow as the Battlefront games have always been, this is even more shallow.  It's 2016.  Why does this game feel worn out after 10 hours of play?  People complain about linear games being too short but what about multiplayer only games?  Why does the media give these kinds of games a pass?  You can do every mode on every map in maybe 3 hours.  This is a game that once sold at $120 for more things to come because apparently they released half a game....but at full price.

I don't usually review games this way but EA wants us to treat Battlefront like a toy so I'm reviewing it like a toy.  Games don't have to be like this.  Even if some games are nothing but toys, they shouldn't be ripping us off.

Fuck this game.  It's an okay game as is, don't get me wrong, but it's everything I hate about modern AAA development.  At least there are no microtransactions.  What a pathetic win for us.  

  

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Here I am being way nicer to another Star Wars property.  

5 Games I'm Looking Forward To In 2016

I declare 2016 as "The Year of Jason".  Somehow, someway, there are five sequels to video games all coming out in the same year that I really want to play.  Three of them are sequels to games in my top 10 list, while the other two are sequels to games I really liked but thought a sequel would never happen in a million years.  What is going on here?

Part of me wonders if this is the last year I can look forward to a loaded slate of games that appeal to me.  This is a climate that is constantly pushing games in a direction that I don't care too much about.  Multiplayer only games. Open world games that put quantity over quality.  Microtransaction laden mobile games.  Annualized games.  Square Enix continuously making every mistake possible (lemme give you money!).  Approximately 17,000 shooter MOBA's are coming out this year as well which I'm sure the crowded marketplace will let all these games do well......

Because of these trends though, the games I list here might actually attract others as they stand apart from the rest.  And maybe, just maybe, this may keep me interested in AAA games for years to come.

Persona 5 

If I'm completely honest, I'm probably more excited about this game than any other on this list.  Every trailer and interview makes this game look like Persona.  It doesn't look like it could have been fucked up.  All the cool life sim, dungeon crawling. turn based RPG combat seems to be intact.  Atlus, the studio who makes Persona, is on a roll and doesn't seem to know how to make a bad game (the gamblers fallacy in me says they are due for a stinker but, again, fallacy).

Yes, this game is anime as hell so some of you are already passing on this one.

I still need to temper expectations.  Persona 4 is GREAT and expecting Persona 5 to even match that game, nevermind surpass it, is stupid.  There is something in the trailers and developer interviews that has me worried.  Atlus has a tendency to add something new to every game and for Persona 5 that new thing is.........................................

Okay, you know me right?  What is the one thing I continuously complain about in almost every blogpost?  I love games that use it but I'm always annoyed when they do it "Shitally"....

You guessed it, Persona 5 is going to have stealth mechanics because reasons.  I hope these are isolated incidents and not a main part (kinda like Persona 3's full moon events) because this can really defeat the purpose of EXP.  You gain EXP through battles, yet, a good stealth game wants you to AVOID combat.  What is the purpose of stealth in a game like this?

I hope Atlus knows what they're doing here.  They have never done stealth before.  It's the part I'm the most worried about.

Mirrors Edge: Catalyst

I'm not sure if this game counts as a "sequel".  It seems more like a reboot, which pisses me off because the story of the original Mirrors Edge is pretty damn good but there are loose ends.  You never see the "governor" who is in control of the city and the guy who is pulling the strings.  I want to explore more of that damnit!

Still though, this game sold poorly, so a sequel/reboot is a minor miracle.  This game has easily one of the most fascinating free run systems I've ever seen, requiring the player to input commands to do climbing, jumping, wall running, flipping, etc.  It's the exact OPPOSITE of the Assassins Creed free run system which is press forward to do everything.  The combat system is ass, yes, but the beauty of Mirrors Edge was that most of the time you could avoid combat not by stealth, but by pure fucking speed and your ability to parkour.  There were times using combat was mandatory though, which sucked, but the great parts of this game were not overshadowed by them in my opinion.

That said....looks like VICE fixed the combat because that is all they fucking talk about leading into this game.  But, why tho????

Mirrors Edge is about the parkour damnit.  I don't give two shits about the combat*.  And what is this open world nonsense?  Mirrors Edge had great level design due to mostly linear levels.  I am beyond worried on this one.

*I'm fine with them fixing a broken combat system but the previews seem overbearing to the point that combat is a major feature of the game.  THAT'S A PROBLEM.  I'd like more great level design where you can run away and parkour away from guards spraying bullets at you rather than giving you a better way to fight them....because that eats into your parkour controls and all of a sudden we are playing Assassins Creed again.

Dishonored 2

Uh....spoiler for this game even existing.  The main trailer shows the girl you go out to save becoming your apprentice like some sort of Leon:The Professional shit except she's like a teenager or early 20's which makes Corvo ancient......whatever.

Dishonored was awesome.  It seemed to be a spiritual successor to Deus Ex (wait for it) and handled stealth beautifully.  As an assassin, you often can take a route that leads you to not kill your target, and the game GODDAMN CHANGES.  Unlike some other heavy choice orientated games, that only affect dialogue, actual GAMEPLAY changes according to your actions.  It is amazing.  Kill most targets and overall people?  More zombies show up in town.  Go a pacifist route, and it's a bit easier in town but harder to pull off in missions since seemingly every cool toy is for the homicide route.

As far as this sequel goes...I have no idea what to expect because we know nothing.  I just hope it's as good as the original.  Anybody who has played the original Dishonored might wonder how this game can even exist with the endings but OH MAN, it gets way worse.

Authors note:  Thanks for not letting me embed your TRAILER video Bethesda.

Deus Ex:  Mankind Divided

Calling it now...DELAYED UNTIL 2017...or, it seems like the game that is most likely to be delayed.

How does this game exist considering the multiple endings to Deus Ex: Human Revolution?  What we know is this game takes place a few years later where augmented humans are ostracized lower class citizens.  This of course leads to a terrorist group and Adam Jensen gets involved though he probably didn't ask for it.  The Illuminati's involvement has been kept hidden of course and who knows what Megan is doing.  Luckily, this has potential to tell another existential, question your morals, social commentary, type of game that was done SO well in DE:HR. I really love the story in Deus Ex.

However, a world like this makes one of the endings to DE:HR impossible.  Another ending makes this outcome highly unlikely.  Out of the 4 endings to DE:HR, only 2 are really viable, maybe 2.5*

*SPOILER to the endings of Deus Ex: Human Revolution (highlight to read).  [I always liked the refusal ending.  It seemed more like what Adam Jensen would choose rather than play god and control the message.  Too bad the game treated it like the bad ending.  I guess the developers hated it too cause Jensen dies in this version. Also, the Sarif ending makes this world highly unlikely because it eluded to society becoming more accepting of augments.]

The trailers are annoying me more than hyping me though.  It looks like the game is a 3rd person cover shooter which, yes, DE:HR was sort of that, but it was a stealth game first. If it goes more shooter heavy, will it even be Deus Ex anymore?  Hopefully the trailers are only showing off one style of play because that stealth system is SOOOO good.  I can see some people being put off from the game because the shooting mechanics were kinda wonky IF you wanted to treat the game as a shooter, so maybe they are appealing to those people?  Just don't let it come at the expense of the stealth please.  MGSV did it.  You can too.

Mass Effect: Andromeda

Have you seen my blogs header?  You knew this was coming.

While absolutely nothing other than "in development" is confirmed about this game, leaked information makes it sound like this game is going to be a Dragon Age: Inquisition clone in space.  A push back to the first Mass Effect's heavier exploration aspects is a mixed feeling.  Looks like the Mako is definitely back, which gives me nightmares, especially if exploring means taking 10 minutes to drive to an anomaly for 1,000 credits or medi-gel.  A lot of the exploring in DA:I lead to a whooooole lotta nothing (those fucking shards) so if ME:A really wants to go that route, please make it worthwhile instead of the same old repetitve bullshit.  The game will likely have a gazillion side quests that have little or nothing to do with the main story, not have a meaningful story themselves, or even worthwhile rewards if DA:I is a good predictor.  I'd prefer more time spent into things with substance than dozens of cookie cutter side quests PLEASE don't let it go here.

One of the best parts of the Mass Effect trilogy has been its intriguing story, its superbly made universe, and its fantastic characters.  Open world games have difficulty being good in these categories even though ME1 did it well and MGSV was open world and came pretty damn close to being great here.  Things are getting better when it comes to story and open world games.  I hear even Fallout 4 improved (or at least gave it some thought).

I will write more about this game and the fact that it's set in the Andromeda galaxy raising a FUCK LOAD of questions I have another time.  For now, let me just say this, this game has the highest potential to be disappointing.  Simply by putting it in Andromeda (fuck it - why are we going there?  Are we getting a new list of aliens?  How many of the old ones are in the game?  HOW did we get there?  Was it a Mass Relay?  What about the Reapers if they should or shouldn't exist?) it makes us look like we are playing the role of the invaders.  This is going to be really tricky if Bioware wants us to be the "good guys"

Authors note:  Thanks for not letting me embed your TRAILER video EA.  

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Star Wars: The Force Awakens Review

I used to really be into Star Wars.  I read books, comics, played the video games, wore Star Wars clothes, and even had a few toys but I took them out of the box.  I would even spend hours reading Wookieepedia entries to fill in the blanks I had in the lore.  Yeah, there are A LOT of Star Wars fans more hardcore than me, but I was probably nerding out above "average person who likes Star Wars".

Once you start to learn a lot about a fictional universe however, you start to find every little flaw, most of which was introduced in the Prequels or the now defunct Expanded Universe.  Like, the ability to use The Force is apparently genetic yet the Jedi Order bans Jedi from having children, or the Galactic Senate being simultaneously powerless and way too powerful.  Jar Jar brings the motion to give Palpatine "emergency dictatorial powers" and all the other senators agree without any questions asked.  Also, every important event in the entire galaxy happens around a small number of people. The Jedi tree from Qui Gon Jinn practically responsible for everything.  Even the technology in this universe is ludicrously overpowered.  Fans have calculated that a single blast from a Star Destroyer has 70 Terajoules of energy.  Why even bother with a Death Star? An orbital bombing from just a half dozen of these things should leave any planet a wasteland.

Of course, the shield generators are easy targets.  Hasn't the Empire seen a video game boss weak point before?

Star Wars got too big for it's own good.  All this expanded lore was introduced into a franchise that started as a homage to Buck Rodgers, other serialized pulp Sci-Fi, westerns, and samurai films.  Star Wars is a mish-mash of a lot of dumb silly fun that just blew up into a garbage fire of dumb silly nonsense.   

So I was hesitant to buy into the immense hype for Star Wars: The Force Awakens completely.  86'ing the Expanded Universe post Return of the Jedi was a good move, but the Prequels remained.  How much of the superfluous crap would remain and how much would this movie return Star Wars to it's roots.  

Luckily, my fears were unfounded.  Star Wars: The Force Awakens is almost more of a remake of A New Hope rather than a sequel.  Some people may be disappointed by this, but I really, really liked the movie because of this.  

The Empire regroups after Return of the Jedi and is renamed The First Order.  A New Republic is also established which supports a Resistance against The First Order.  How much of the Galaxy is controlled by what faction is never explored but it wasn't really necessary.  Luke Skywalker is missing and everybody and their mother is looking for him.  BB-8, the little soccer ball droid, is carrying part of a map to him and acts as the maguffin for the movies plot.  

If this sounds exactly like the plot to A New Hope, it is.  Empire/First Order, Rebels/Resistance, R2-D2 carrying Death Star schematics/BB-8 carrying a map.  There is even MORE likenesses to A New Hope that I can't get into because of spoilers (See spoiler section below).  While the movie can be criticized for not taking any chances and not introducing anything really new, I appreciate the move back to Star Wars' roots.  Yeah, I would have liked a different plot, but I didn't mind the recycled aspects THAT much.  

First Order/Nazi Germany

The reboot feel is more pronounced with the 8 gajillion callbacks in this movie.  There are so many they ALMOST got distracting but luckily the callbacks are....get this, actually relevant to the plot, unlike Jurassic World that treated it's callbacks like blatant fan service and nothing else.  Old characters are given more to do than just be extended cameos.  Harrison Ford does a really good job with old Han, granted, he could probably play Han Solo and Indiana Jones in his sleep.  Han doesn't change much other than having a little "I'm too old for this shit" feel to him.  Carrie Fisher plays a battle-hardened Leia who is no longer the plucky princess of yesteryear.  She means business while also seeming a little tired of these endless wars.  It's a good change.  

One thing the Prequels did poorly was establish new characters with depth and personality.  Poor dialogue was largely to blame for this but this movie's new characters are fantastic with solid dialogue.  

Rey takes on the new young Luke role and is a really well done character.  She's a firecracker with a well established personality.  She doesn't need much expository dialogue as aspects of her personality is shown rather than having characters tell us who she is like the audience is stupid.  Much of the movies plot just happens to her, so her depth isn't explored all that much, but that depth IS hinted at.  For the first movie in a planned trilogy, this is okay and I look forward to learning more about her character.  I'd argue she's already a better lead than Luke was since Luke was sorta characterized as a dumbass teenager in the first movie.  Rey isn't a bright eyed idiot and is established as a character who can get shit done on her own immediately.  She isn't dependent on others as much as Luke was in A New Hope.

Finn is a ex-stormtrooper who is something of a cowardly lion type who just wants to run away from the fighting.  He's got a solid arc and his interactions with Rey are fun.  He too isn't explored too much in depth but there is time to do so in future movies.  Plus, a black man and a woman in the two lead roles is the best for Internet bigots.

....Nice one Abrams.   (Trust me, not a spoiler).

Meanwhile, Poe is fine even if he's underdeveloped.  He's the best pilot in the Resistance and the likely lead in Star Wars: Rogue One.  He's a bit of a Han Solo type but without the edge.  Poe also has a scene that acts as an explanation for a scene that happens to Rey later, while ALSO being a plot point.  It's the type of scene many moviemakers would have cut so I'm glad it stayed in.  

Rylo Ken is a solid villain and a HUGE departure from how the Sith are typically characterized as.  The Sith usually have stone cold emotions, they're super confident, and basically demi-gods.  Rylo Ken is prone to temper tantrums, has shaky confidence, and is pre demi-god.  He's strong and menacing while also being vulnerable.  It helps level the playing field for Rey and Finn.  His motivations are...a bit glossed over as typical Dark Side stuff, but it's at least more than "he's evil", so I'll count this as a win.

The mask is mostly for show.

The movie also fixes a major flaw of the prequels by not overusing CGI.  BB-8 looks real.  A lot of the environments look like they were based on actual models and don't have that video game shine.  Stormtrooper armor isn't always pristine and show signs of wear and tear.  They, god forbid, get dirty in the desert!  What a concept!  

The few changes the movie does make to the universe are solid.  Tie fighters are shown to have copilots, which takes advantage of the whole 360 vision these fighters are designed to look like they have.  Both the First Order and the Resistance both have female pilots and soldiers, so the female cast isn't mostly prostitute.  Actually, the best changes are to the Stormtroopers themselves.  They are actually competent.  Some of them actually hit the targets they are shooting at!  They have even developed countermeasures from getting their asses kicked from dudes with laser swords and from teddy bears with goddamn rocks.

Even the mask re-design is badass

However, there is one production issue I have with the movie.  Just like with Avengers: Age of Ultron, this movie is super fast paced and edited at light speed.  Again, the pacing of the movie is difficult to pin down.  The time frame of the events of the movie make it seem like everything happened in a week, or even just a few days, but that wouldn't make sense to the plot.  It's a minor gripe but it's becoming an epidemic in Disney franchises.  You can slow down portions of the plot without the audience getting bored guys.  Come on.

All in all though, I really liked the movie.  I hesitate to call it great though mostly due to the recycled plot.  However, this movie was exactly what the Star Wars franchise needed in their movies after all the bullshit.  It was a return to what makes Star Wars great even if it didn't take any chances.  Almost the opposite of what many sequels and reboots are, this movie has all the heart and soul, but not enough brains.

That being said, when episode VIII rolls around, I may just buy into the hype this time.

SPOILER SECTION BELOW.

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Disclaimer: All pictures used are within Fair Use for review purposes.  

Beyond Good and Evil HD Review

Every time I play a cult classic, I can't help myself from purposely seeking out what makes the game special.  The last cult classic game I've played, which is debateably the cult-iest classic-ist game ever, is Deadly Premonition.  While I didn't really like the game all that much due to its wonky combat, bizarre difficulty (either way too easy to way too hard), the worst map in video game history, and one of the longest, dumbest mandatory sequences I have ever seen (the dog chase)...I still GOT it.  No really, I GET the appeal of Deadly Premonition.  Some of the more nuanced parts were so good/weird that I couldn't help but sort of enjoy the game while also hating it.  It's just one of those games that you have to experience for yourself to understand.

Beyond Good and Evil however, I didn't get.  Or, at least, whatever makes this game so popular seems contradictory to the reasons this game is praised.

In BGE, you take control of a woman named Jade, who is a photojournalist/martial arts expert/orphanage manager.  She lives in the town of Hillys which is periodically bombarded by bug like aliens called Domz raining down from a portal in the sky.  Also, there is a paramilitary group called the Alpha Sections who claim to be Hillys' only line of defense from the Domz and from people going missing.  Yet another faction called the Iris Network claims the Alpha Sections is responsible for kidnapping people and are secretly working with the Domz.

Not sure if these are Domz.  The game is vague.

If this all sounds like it could make an interesting plot, it doesn't.  Very early in the game, Jade joins the Iris Network and goes on photojournalism missions to prove the connection of the Domz to the Alpha Sections, which are then published for the citizens of Hillys too see.  The game leaves no ambiguity here when some would have been much appreciated.  Almost immediately, the game tells you right out that the Alpha Sections are bad guys after trying to hide it for, like, the first hour.  Why even bother?

As for Jade herself, she is a badass, but has emotions when bad things happen and ugh....Okay.  She lacks any real personality. Her characterization is basically, "Good person who fights evil and has emotions and stuff." This is basically the very same protagonist in any action game ever, although the better ones try to provide some depth.  Jade doesn't have much.  Why is she sheltering orphans?  Just cause she's the protagonist?  This is bare bones characterization.

Her design is cool as fuck though.  Her look is better than her writing.  

The secondary characters are arguably worse.  Pey'j, her "uncle", is a man-pig (this planet has humanoid animals as well) who is basically a rough and tumble mechanic/engineer who is secretly the leader of the Iris Network and I don't even care if that is a spoiler because it was obvious when a game has only 3 story critical characters.  Although, I will admit to smiling when he uses his jet boots and screams "chili con carne".  I love the rare B-movie parts to this game.

The other major secondary character is HH (he's referred to as double H in voice over), who is a noble knight type who provides the muscle of the group.  He's also really into a hero guide book that he has memorized and quotes constantly.  And...that's it.  We know NOTHING about his motivations.  I have no idea why he is working with Jade.  He's just another good guy because, why not I guess?  Also, his name is stupid.

He's so loyal....for NO REASON.

Even the ending to the game is full of WTF.  I don't even care if this is yet another spoiler because Jade can apparently magically heal people for NO REASON, and she floats in the sky and saves a bunch of kids MAYBE  or she steals their souls or some shit then credits.  What?  WHY?!?

With a plot that has no good surprises (I don't count the ending) and characters that are cardboard cutouts, the gameplay takes place in a pseudo-open world.  Areas are blocked off until the game lets you earn enough Pearls (a currency for your hovercraft) to upgrade your gear so you can reach a new area.  The Pearls are earned in main quests as well as side quests.  The side quests mostly consist of hovercraft racing, taking pictures of animals, catching bandits in tunnels, and the "Fallout Side Quest" of going into a monster filled den and killing everything.  They're pretty dumb, but for the age of the game, I'll give them a pass.

The gameplay itself is pretty pedestrian all across the board.  The game starts with hack n' slash mechanics where one button does every attack, one button dodges the heavily telegraphed enemy attacks, and...nothing else.  It's not so bad as much as it feels unfinished.  Although I must complement the animation of linking attacks from one enemy to another.  It's very slick and seamless.  It seems like an early Assassins Creed combat system.

Not sure what the fire is but yeah.  Hitting aliens with sticks.

The driving (and later, flying) sections are okay.  It's pretty average and feels like a typical GTA game of the time.  There isn't much to say here as I HATE "realistic" racing games so my bias says this arguably bland driving system is whatever.

It's functional.

Most of the main story missions though are heavily based on stealth sections, sometimes mixed up with the hack n' slash sections and OK.  I'M NOT GOING TO DO WHAT EVERYBODY THINKS I'M GOING TO DO....the stealth sections are fine.  I mean, they're average, but fine.  It is a bit jarring to go from the best stealth game of all time in MGSV to....THIS, but it's fine.  The stealth sections are mediocre due to really predictable guard AI and the inability to toggle crouch.....

BY THE FUCKING WAY.

Really?  I have to hold down the crouch button?  Please, just steal the idea from MGS (and you can't "old game" excuse this.  MGS ONE let you toggle crouch).  I beg you.  Why not at least have the option to toggle crouch?  I couldn't accept this fact and continuously checked the options menu hoping in vain that it would magically have the option to toggle crouch.  I think I have permanent damage in my left hand from holding down the same button for over 30 minutes straight.

Jade is ninja.  Silent like shadow, invisible like footsteps....wait.

So, what's the deal with this game?

Everything is so mediocre.  The characters are stereotypical archetypes.  The story is bland and has no surprises except that WTF nonsense ending.  The gameplay tries every sort of mechanic ever and therefore doesn't do any single one of them great.  It's all just average.  Everything you get is okay but seemingly unfinished for its time; gameplay, story, characters, and presentation are all "meh".  The graphics are a bit cartoony but not entirely.  Everything seems to be clinging to childhood while also introducing adult themes.  It's so goddamn mediocre it's infuriating.  Like, this game is a child friendly GTA or this games' fans are all nostalgia fucking this game because - OH MY GOD......

....oh.

I am NOT the target audience for this game.  This game seems like a step up from the super kid friendly titles of Mario, Zelda, Spyro, BanjoKazooie, and the like in difficulty, while also being training for more adult titles like GTA and MGS at the time.  This game isn't designed for me.....and that's why I don't get it.

I GET this game though.

This game is a cult classic because some people played this in the 8-15 age range and it became a stepping stone to more adult games.  I can appreciate that.  It's not for me but I regret what I said earlier.  I get this game now....I guess.

....That cliffhanger epilogue is bullshit though.

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4 Complaints About Life is Strange Addressed.

General Life is Strange review is here.  

I'd like to address a few of the complaints about Life is Strange since I disagree with many of them.  Unfortunately, 2 of them I cannot discuss without spoilers so I'll put a page break in for those of you who still want to play these games.  The first 2 are spoiler free though so have at it.

Not sure if I'm saying I'm smarter than everyone but....

1.  The Secondary Characters are all Cliche Stereotypes.

On the surface, yeah, they are.  You have a rich asshole dude, a popular alpha-bitch, reserved bible thumper, arrogant science/nerd girl, famous arrogant art teacher, creepy "I wanna draw you" guy, even creepier janitor who talks to squirrels, asshole security guard former marine, asshole drug dealer, and even Chole is a bitchy punk girl, who is only that way because her PERFECT father died in a car accident years ago.

Almost all of these characters get fleshed out and have many layers to their personality, some more than others, but still a lot more than your average video game character.  Throughout the games, Max discovers more and more about these characters backstory and their motivations.  Characters that seem like outright villains at first start to look more sympathetic once you discover more information about them. Some of the nicer characters might be a little darker than they seem at first.  They have depth.  Most video games ignore this kind of characterization, which makes this complaint mind boggling for me.

"But he's a Chief.  A MASTER Chief."  

This kind of complaint makes me wonder if the gamers that make it see EVERYONE as a stereotype.  The thing this game does so well is make characters that feel like actual people.  Social media, and the internet at large, tends to make us all look like stereotypes.  People are rarely JUST a "Fallout fan" or "Avs fan" or "Gun nut", or "Republican", or "Liberal", or...you get the idea.  And while I think there are a few people out there who do tie their entire identity to one thing, I think they are the exception, not the rule.  People are more complicated than that.  Life is strange indeed.

2.  There is no Gameplay

I swear this is the last time I'm going to mention this in regards to this game but please, stop.  I know "walking simulators" exist in this grey area that is between full fledged video game and visual novel.  It doesn't matter.  Making this argument when there is still SOME gameplay is absolutely stupid.

How about a Sleeping Simulator?  Happy now?

When people make this complaint, what they really mean is that the gameplay sucks (which is very subjective) or that there is not "enough" of it.  Enough of it?  I don't even know what that means?  Did you want a combat section?  The type of people who make this complaint tend to do it exclusively on games without combat, or at least traditional puzzles.  Life is Strange has plenty of puzzles, most of which are far more cerebral than traditional puzzles.  I'd argue LiS's puzzles are more cerebral than Portal and I LOVE Portal. I found out that I NEEDED the journal at times to make sense of things.  This game made the journal a part of gameplay way more than any RPG's codex.

No gameplay.  Get the fuck out.

Spoiler section below.

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Life is Strange (Season 1) Review

The only reason I started playing Life is Strange to begin with is because I had a little bit of money left on a gift card and decided to spend the rest on episode 1.  And wow, am I glad I did because Life is Strange is one of the best games I've played this year and easily the best story-driven episodic game I've ever played.

This game is about Maxine (Max) Caulfield who moves back to her childhood home of Arcadia Bay, a fictional town in the Pacific Northwest, to attend the prestigious Blackwell Academy which I think only teaches art and science.*  She soon after has a vision of a giant tornado destroying Arcadia Bay, then after witnessing a blue haired girl get shot in the bathroom, she learns that she has the power to rewind time.  Max uses her new found power to save the girl from getting shot who just so happens to be Max's childhood friend Chloe.  Despite Max's years long absence, the two quickly re-establish their friendship while doing detective work on Chloe's missing friend Rachel Amber.

This poster is plastered everywhere.

*I say art and science because it's the only things we really know about this school. They also have a swim team and maybe a football team because I doubt some of the dudebro characters are that into Monet or Kepler.**  Well, unless the game is trying to break jock stereotypes...but I kinda doubt it.

**Look at me name dropping.

This is where the heart of the game is; in Max and Chloe's friendship, while also solving the mystery of Rachel Amber.  The friendship itself wouldn't be so good if the characters were not absolutely fantastic. Max and Chloe are very well written, excellently voice acted, and so incredibly likeable that it's hard NOT to get emotionally invested in their adventure.  People who read this blog will know I put a high priority on character in stories and these two might be in my top 10 for a video game.  I'm not kidding.  Video games often have bland characters because the worlds they live in are so fanciful.  Max and Chloe are very grounded into the real world, time travel powers aside, and it's so refreshing to see a video game accomplish making characters that feel real.

That said, occasionally a line of dialogue will seem out of place.  A certain line will seem a little TOO witty and clever for a teenager.  Also some of the slang seems out of place but that might admittedly be due to my age and geography.  Dontnod, the developer behind the game, actually studied teenage slang in the Pacific Northwest for their writing.  That's pretty impressive since most games think about writing and dialogue like long time Republicans think about Donald Trump.  Regardless of this occasional weirdness, the writing as a whole is very, very good.

The mystery around Rachel Amber is also very well done.  Most of the game is around this mystery while the doomsday vision Max has is almost an afterthought.  Very little time is spent on Max's vision, which is actually a good thing, because it's kind of lame.  All the best parts about this stories gameplay come from the mystery surrounding Rachel and from certain "problems" Chloe and/or Max get into while sleuthing.  There is one part in episode 4 that is especially good and really a great example of how a detective game without combat can be fantastic.  Spoiler, highlight to read (the corkboard where you piece all the clues together in fantastic. I wouldn't say it's hard, but I actually had to bring up the journal for one clue.  It was so well done).

Speaking of gameplay, this is the style of game that is light on it (I've written about this before, sorta).  This style of game is very choice orientated.  The game lets you know on major choices by stopping time "wah wah" style, but even minor choices can affect the story like watering your damn plant (I killed it. Just like with real life plants).  Most of the gameplay is around talking to people, rewinding time to get them to tell you what you need, or snooping through people's stuff to find clues. 

Gameplay

The gameplay does branch off at times, like a stupid scavenger hunt in episode 2 and some AWFUL stealth sections.  Tell me, what is the point in a stealth section if I can just rewind time from any location?  Move forward, get caught, rewind time until dude on patrol is somewhere else while Max is still in the same location she got caught at, and move along like nothing happened. There is no penalty for getting caught.  Luckily, there are only two of these, and the first one at least makes contextual sense, but the second one is completely unnecessary.  Outside of these few stupid gameplay moments, the rest of it is solid, especially anything having to do with solving the mystery of Rachel Amber.

The biggest reason I love this game so much is because it gave me two of the most emotional reactions I've ever had in a video game.  The first came at the end of episode 2. Without spoiling anything, I failed pretty hard here and spent the rest of the night pacing my living room trying to fight off the urge to replay the whole thing.  I had never really felt failure that hard in a video game. It wasn't something where you just respawn at the last checkpoint or you can reload your last save.  You have to live with it.

Goddamnit 

The 2nd part comes about 1/3rd of the way though episode 4.  The first part of episode 4 is a long, brutal, slog of depression (in a good way).  You just feel like absolute shit through all of it and every little detail you learn in this part just adds to the misery. Each piece of info you find just makes it worse.  It's really well done.  Then, you get a reprieve after being able to reverse all this misery (time travel remember) and....I have never felt so, GENUINELY HAPPY in a video game.  It's not the same kind of happy you get from defeating that super hard boss or overcome a really difficult level.  This was different.  This was like seeing somebody you care about pull through from something horrible.  It was unique.  It's...hard to explain.

...

Your millage may vary however and you may not think the characters are as good as I do, but if you get invested, those two moments won't let you down.

Unless something surprises me in the last two months, this will likely be my personal Game of the Year. Looking through reactions to the finale makes me think a lot of people HATED the ending, but I actually dug it quite a bit.  Your choices do matter, kind of, but this is a topic for it's own blogpost for obvious spoiler reasons (coming soon). There is a lot of lessons here about the real world and I think the ending pisses some people off because they can't get everything they wanted.  Also, the apocalypse tornado's explanation is completely glossed over but honestly, I didn't really care about that.  The great characters, solid story, and overall charm won me over.  The flaws are easily forgivable.

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The Quiet Controversy. Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain - Follow Up

For those reading that don't know, this is Quiet...

I know right?  She really should throw those tights away.  They are RIDDLED with holes.

Possible mice and/or bug infestation in Quiet's wardrobe aside, she is the controversial sniper support in Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain.  As you can imagine, she is controversial because of her design.  She goes into battle wearing a sexy soldier Halloween costume.  Yes, this is very stupid, but most of Metal Gear Solid is pretty stupid anyway* so just by looking at her with no context doesn't really mean anything.  I've instead been interested in what other people have to say about her and how this controversy was overblown.

*In case you are reading only this post and not my overall review, I love MGS for the record.  So don't fly off the handle at me calling MGS stupid, okay?  It is stupid, but I love it anyway.

So here I am being topical a month late.  This is my opinion on Quiet in numbered form.  10 points.

"Or 10 points to shoot and kill you!!"....thanks Quiet.

1.  As a heterosexual white dude, her design doesn't bother me in the slightest!  It's like I'm being catered to!....Wait a minute.

2.  Anybody who doesn't want to play the game JUST because of her design is totally justified.  I don't get it when people get upset about this.  Like, what, do you own Konami stock or something?  MGS isn't going to die because of low sales, it's already dead because Kojima will no longer be involved.  I'm sure there is something that you refuse to play/watch/read/do JUST because you didn't like the look of a certain part, even if the rest of the parts look fine.

3.  The reasoning behind her wearing a bikini is dumb as hell.  It's a spoiler but revealed pretty early in the game, highlight to read (she breathes through her skin).  Why?  Well, that's actually kinda fun and, also, stupid as hell as revealed late in the game.  In fact....

4.  ...It looks just like the same stupid reasons directors use so they can have naked women in their grindhouse B-movies.  MGS has ALWAYS had a B-movie plot but with a bloated budget.  All of the stupid shit in MGS mirrors those same shitty B-movies that I have a soft spot for.  Yes, some of those B-movies have naked women in them for no reason whatsoever, but the better ones try to justify it with a plot point that is something completely stupid, over-the-top, convoluted, or all of the above.  Doesn't Quiet's "justification" for her almost nude-ness mimic this?  Again, yes, it's dumb, but it's kind of the point.

This was all MoCap BTW.

5.  I know Kojima said something along the lines of "you will all feel ashamed when you find out why she dresses that way" or whatever.  I don't know or care.  I refuse to take one tweet by the man as gospel when everybody was hammering him on one design choice at the time.  That said....

6.  Maybe Kojima is trolling us. Maybe he knows perfectly well that MGS is stupid and his public remarks about Quiet (along with the "waiting for the cosplay" remark) is in jest.  This dude has always been Mayor of TrollTown anyway.  I'm not sure he believes what he says.*

Don't be a perv breh.

*Obviously, there is no way to know for certain.  I don't personally know the guy, obvs.  But he has always came across as one of those developers who really cares about the fans and doesn't want to offend anybody.  I'd wager a bet that he was responding to the negative tweets about Quiets design defensively as human nature says we are likely to do.  Who hasn't said stupid shit on Twitter/Facebook/whatever, raise your hand?....If you raised your hand, you're a liar.

7.  That said, I wish Kojima would have just said, "I want a naked chick in my game, fuck ya'll" and been done with it.  Anybody who claims Quiet is not dressed like that for sex appeal is full of shit.  Common.  In what way is this NOT played up for sex appeal....

This is high art apparently.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  There is a heartbreaking reason for this scene and maybe by itself it could stand up to scrutiny.  The rest of the game, oogles her with the camera, sometimes when you don't even want it too.  There were more than a few times when I pulled up my iDroid to do work when she is doing this in the background....

Y U Always Doing Things?

If you want to claim that she is not played off as sex appeal, fine.  Evidence says otherwise.

8.  It's distracting because IMO, she was a pretty interesting character.  Not GREAT or anything, but good. There is a mystery around her most of the game and the payoff is that B-movie cheese I love so much.  I'm amazed the controversy around her character isn't about something else.  LATE GAME SPOILER (she has a torture scene).  The second half of this game's story is pretty bad but the plot regarding Quiet was actually good.  It's not for everybody but I like well done greasy cheese.

9.  Her character for gameplay is a mixed bag.  Self promote for Reviewwwwww

10.  If you are one of those weirdos who comment on Jim Sterling's video or Angry Joe's review whining about artistic integrity or freedom of speech or SJW's are feminazing games into a new world order just stop.  Realize you're fucking toddlers who need their bottle mmkay?  Just because mommy didn't love you enough doesn't mean you need to hate everybody who gives the slightest of shits what women feel.  Maybe try to give them the benefit of the doubt sometimes?  No, that doesn't mean they are always right, but respect their opinion even if it's wrong and maybe you'll see we are all human....you idiots.

There will ALWAYS be a game for you BTW.  First rule of business, and video games are a business unless you forgot, "if there is a market, somebody will cater to it".  Besides, mobile games have done FAR more damage to your worldview than any SJW.

"BUT THIS IS MALE OBJECTIFICATION".  Cause women dig dudes covered in blood, I guess.

And for the SJW's, please regard context.  Quiet making you angry?  That's fine.  Not everything is going to be catered to your taste.  May I recommend Mass Effect or Dragon Age?  I agree that we need better female/non-white/gay/trans/Krogan representation in video games and not just as sex symbols like...Quiet?  Even though, it's possible, the most interesting thing about her was not her boobs.  Let's tone it down a bit.  The Internet makes us look one dimensional, but that is rarely the case.  

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In conclusion, Quiet is whatever.  Good character with a stupid design.  And hey, you know what, that is just my opinion.  If you are angry at anything I said, maybe stop taking every review of everything as THE OPINION OF EVERYBODY.  That....is the root of YOUR problem.  There is no such thing as an "objective review" you fool. 

Likewise, my review of you is I love you.  Thank you for reading!

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General MGS V: TPP review is here.

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