Avengers: Infinity War reaction (spoilers)

As I sit in the movie theater waiting for the usual end of credits scenes that Marvel likes to put in their movies I sit in shock at what I just watched, unable to really think straight all I can this is wow. Marvel pulled out all the stops in this the latest Avengers Movie. The best possible scenario played out for thanos, not only were the Avengers completely separated they weren't even on speaking terms making picking them apart that much easier.

From Iron man's unwillingness to make a phone call to his unwillingness to go home regroup and gameplan... Obviously if they did this in the first place there would be no need for two movies and I wouldn't be writing this post but I digress.

Thanos got everything he could ask for, the avengers all separated, easy access to the infinity stones(though the soul stone kicked him where it hurts) and no one who could really stop him, like all his wishes came true... Not cool... Really glad Thor got a badass axe and the use of both eyes, if only he could've finished of Thanos but alas.

Oh the questions so many questions... What happens next? How? Why? Are the guardians really gone along with Spiderman, Wanda, vision, black panther, Bucky, Dr. Strange, falcon, and even Loki??? Marvel can't just kill them all like that can they? I mean they just did but will they really stay dead?? How is there supposed to be a Spiderman sequel with no Spiderman?? How does marvel continue screw with us like this??

Obvious answer is just wait for the next installment of infinity war and everything will work itself out. How they'll do it? It's marvel it'll be fucking amazing!

Man do I love super hero movies, marvel did yet another amazing job putting this thing together and deserve all the credit they always get... I can't wait to see what happens in the next one but first we get another fun adventure with everyone favourite non hero Deadpool which I'm super excited for, oh and that gap between marvel and DC is just getting wider.

Wonder woman: Review

First reaction: wow I'm starting to think DC might just be getting it.... Just a little... Maybe... After nearly falling face first with Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice and then d with Suicide Squad, it would appear as if DC is finally starting to get on its feet.


   The question still remains, is DC trying too hard to be like Marvel?!?! I say yes and no at the same time. Yes because of how they're making their movies and whose in them. I also say no in that I believe that DC realizes that they will never be Marvel... Marvel is ridiculously far ahead of DC in the movie making department and DC (I hope) knows that.

   Wonder woman is by far the Best DC has done in recent memory. Everything about this movie is awesome! Ok maybe not everything, but just about everything. Chris Pine did amazing and I loved the end fight scenes. Gal Gadot did an amazing job as wonder woman continueing her strong performance from Batman V Superman. Ye

   Yes the movie has its rocky points and points where you wonder "does this really need to be in this movie" then it all comes together and yes they belong there, unlike Dawn of Justice where you felt like a ton of the movie could've been cut out Wonder Woman Didn't really have that issues which shows DC is learning.

   Overall well done by DC and all involve with this movie and I'm building excitement now for Justice League where we will see if DC keeps progressing. Discuss.

Other Best and Some Worst Media of 2016.

My all video game version is here.

Same rules as the previous post. I must have watched/listened/read the thing.  I only have so much time so two movies missing is Suicide Squad and Rogue One.  I will be seeing Rogue One next week and will absolutely want to write about it so yeah.  I will see Suicide Squad whenever.  I'm in no hurry.

One more thing, no 2015 versions (mostly) because this got long.  Everyone knows Mad Max:Fury Road is my favorite movie of 2015.  Star Wars is maybe a runner up?  I dunno.  Anyway, to the list.

Best Movie of 2016...

Deadpool

I actually didn't write a review of this because I didn't see it until way later.  The hype around it was a bit much plus I'm so burned out on superhero movies.  After seeing it, I still think it's a little over hyped but holy crap.  2016 is an awful year for movies.

Deadpool actually feels like a faithful comic book movie which is becoming increasingly rare.  Most Marvel movies just feel like Marvel Cinematic Universe movies.  That isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it does make them start to blur together.  If I was shown some random Iron Man clip, I'd have a hard time figuring out if it was in Iron Man 1, 2, 3, Avengers 1, 2, or Civil War.  It is all so "samey".  Deadpool is a breath of fresh air in comparison.

I liked the mix between gratuitous violence, humor, 4th wall breaking, and even some humanizing characterization.  The movie had to rely on those aspects since it didn't have a budget of a Zillion dollars like any MCU or DC movie and mostly avoided spectacle.  The spectacle it did have at the end on the ship, well, at least it wasn't an entire city.  The movie is so well balanced but I have a feeling the 2nd one is going to double down on the outrageous stuff with the larger budget and end up being a worse movie.  Here is to hoping that doesn't happen.

Side note:  Hollywood, especially DC, learned the exact wrong lesson when Deadpool became the highest grossing R rated film ever (finally knocking off the godawful Passion of the Christ....pun intended).  This is why Batman v Superman got an R rated cut.  The lesson Hollywood should have learned is that superhero movies can have more fun and be less serious gritty business.  The Dark Knight came out in 2008.  Get over yourselves.

Runner Up Movie of 2016....

NOTHING.

It's worth noting that I'm writing this before seeing Rogue One and as the last The Force Awakeness defender on the planet who is also a reformed Star Wars nerd, Rogue One might end up on here or even beating Deadpool.

There were plenty of movies I liked alright but virtually nothing I thought was great.  Civil War, Ghostbusters, that Harry Potter movie I didn't understand cause I'm not a HP fan but my wife is....they were all varying degrees of okay to meh.  Nothing really worthy of my prestigious list.

Best Movie of 2016 that came out in 2015 that I didn't see until this year...

The Martian

I have a hard time believing this movie was made by Ridley Scott.  This is the same director that made the incomprehensible mess that was Prometheus, which might be the worst AAA movie I've seen in the last decade.  Luckily, this movie has nothing to do with Alien and...what's that?  Oooooooooohhhhhhhh.  No way that isn't getting fucked up.

The Martian is great though.  It has a nice balance of that fake-space realism that Neil DeGrasse Tyson loves so much and more outlandish action pieces.  The movie has a great deal of tension in it's climax too even if that is when the more unbelievable parts happen.  I know a lot of people rip on the space potatoes but hey, I thought it was fine.  If there is a plant that can live in shit soil (pun intended), it's potato plants.  

Worst Movie of 2016...

huuRRRRNNNNGGGGGGHHHHH

X-Men Apocalypse

Review here.

This movie is so bad you guys.  I think it's actually getting worse with age.  The Wolverine cameo, plus the cliffhanger from Days of Future Past, like....why?  Why is this scene in the movie if you're not even going to justify it with the need to resolve that cliffhanger?  Why does Oscar Issac, who is a good actor, seem to be drastically overacting as Apocalypse?  How is that even possible when Apocalypse views himself as a god?  Why is Magneto such a dumb shit?  How does Xavier ever lose a mind fight?  Why can't we have an X-Men movie where Cerebro isn't used as a weapon against the X-Men?

The worst part of this movie is that it fails where even some bad-bad movies succeed; it's boring.  I know that can be pretty subjective but a whole lot of nothing happens so Apocalypse can build his team and the X-Men can build their team while giving back story to characters we already know.  Strangely, almost no back story is given to the new characters in the universe like Psylocke.  It's obvious nobody wanted to make this movie except maybe James McAvoy who...tries so hard.  You weren't enough buddy.

Runner Up Worst Movie...

Batman V Superman: Dawn of WTF

I've only JUST watched this but it's bad.  The two biggest problems with this movie is Zack Snyder and Lex Luthor.  There are, like, a dozen other things that suck about this movie but I don't want to spend too much time on this.  I will point out that the scene where Batman is talking to Alfred before fighting Superman has one of the worst lines of dialogue ever.  Hall of shit fame worthy.  "...and if we believe there's even a one percent chance that he is our enemy we have to take it as an absolute certainty"  Uh, no.  That's some Trump logic right there.  Some random Canadian insulted bald eagles on Twitter!  Slight chance but hey, ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY.  Better go to war.

Zack Snyder doesn't know how to tell a story.  Things just happen in his movies and sometimes they move the plot forward seemingly by accident.  The movie borrows heavily from the Dickbag Nazi Frank Miller* comic and....yeah.  It shows.  Also, does Snyder know NOBODY liked Sucker Punch?  Why borrow from that and do way too many dream sequences, including one dream inside a dream?  Using dreams as a substitute for emotional or especially logical motives for needing to fight Superman is lame.  The time difference from Man of Steel and BVS is too long for emotional motive unless Batman is an asshole. 

*Batman is an asshole in this movie because of Frank Miller.  I don't know why so many people get a boner for Frank Miller but he's a piece of shit human and a hack writer.  All of his popular work is edgy 90's bullshit that was edgy for the sake of edgy.  No real reason to it.  Sin City is ass.  300 is ass (Spartans are your democracy champions Miller?!?!  Seriously?  Sparta was a dictatorial military Junta.  Yes, women had more rights there than anywhere else, but that was only for the upper class and for birthing more soldiers).  Also, Miller is a Nazi so fuck him.  

As for Lex Luthor, what the fuck?  His plan is Joker-ish and his characterization reminds me of Zorg from The Fifth Element but more quirky.  Also, what is his motive?  Why is he doing any of this?  How does this benefit him even in the slightest way?  He has connections to the Russian mob that superheroes might find out about?  Okay but, why is creating Doomsday your contingency plan*?  THAT. MAKES. NO. SENSE. That would be like a terrorist trying to evade the NSA by building a nuclear bomb.  

*For comic purists out there, the Doomsday origin is so divorced from the comics it's insulting.  I recommend this Max Landis video.  It's long and has some questionable Gay jokes in it but has Elijah Wood.

Best TV Season of 2016...

Stranger Things

My runner up is very, very close but I gave Stranger Things the slight edge.

This series has a lot in common with Deadpool actually.  It's a series nobody wanted and every network looks like idiots for turning them down.  Even Netflix was unsure about it as it was barely advertised.  Word got around though and this is a great, great show.

Child actors are usually a burning hot garbage fire but these actors are great.  The horror elements of the show are genuinely creepy and all the 80's callbacks are great.  The series has a lot of Stephen King homages but there is also The Goonies, ET, Poltergiest, and more.  It's also expertly produced for the binge watching nature of Netflix, so much so that I lost a lot of sleep one night.  Every episode ends naturally but since the series is basically an 8 hour movie, it's easy to be convinced to watch just one more "scene".

Despite all the hype, I actually think this show is UNDERRATED.  I'm not going to say anything more.  Go into it (almost) blind like me.  It's very good.

Runner Up Best TV Season of 2016...

Game of Thrones Season 6

I meant to write a review of this season, like I did with the previous one, but by the time I could it would have been old news.  This season of Game of Thrones seems to have taken my criticisms to heart because this season was almost full fan service.  Uh...I wasn't actually asking for that but it was nice that the hero characters finally got some wins.  I do have some criticisms though but I can't do it without spoilers so....

SUDDEN MID POST SPOILER WARNING FOR GAME OF THRONES SEASON 6 IF YOU ARE NOT CAUGHT UP.  Highlight to read.

Despite loving the shit out of the scene, I can't help but think Dany giving Tyrion the roll of Hand of the Queen after he kinda fucked up the whole slave thing is a little generous.  Granted, Tyrion does come up with the plan to end the siege but it's still weird.  I LIKE THE SCENE.  Don't get me wrong.  It just feels off.

The Battle of the Bastards is kinda dumb.  Yeah, Ramsey gets killed for maximum fan service but there is little logic to that episode.  How does a wall of bodies form like that?  What was Ramsey's phalanx planning to do if that wall didn't happen?  Why are our heroes saved by last minute help again?  Almost every battle has been like that.  I know the story needs drama and good military planning would reduce that but come on.  I still like this season A LOT better than season 5 but one stand out there was Hardhome.  That episode has been this series best battle episode by far.

END SPOILERS.

Lady Mormont is the best....just FYI.  (Also, another spoiler).

And Now a Quick rundown of Other Media of 2016...

Pop Music...

I don't hate pop music in general.  There is some I really like but holy shit this year was godawful.  It's all slow jam EDM and, like, 3 dozen of them are from The Chainsmokers.  Adele had a few songs that were barely hits but they are seriously lower in quality compared to her previous work.  R&B was boring as hell this year doing almost exclusively slow jam club beats to be more like EDM.  Also, 21 Pilots got big for some reason and that band is fucking shit.

It's also a year that Lady Gaga returned and I don't think I heard a single one of her songs on pop radio (sorry UZ).  Just TRY to watch/listen to this list.  For 100 songs, why do 90 of them sound so similar?  Also, what happened to ripping the Black Eyed Peas for gratuitous auto-tune?  The auto-tune on these songs is out of control.  Seriously.  It's a fucking epidemic.

Indie (hipster) music...

It's hard to get a good list because indie songs can debut in different parts of the country (and world) years apart.  It's bizarre.  This makes me forced to cheat.

I really like the theme to the new Mirrors Edge despite not playing the game.

I like this cover of Depeche Mode for the Ghost in the Shell movie.  It's also a song I heard before the trailer.

And despite not personally liking this band, they are from Denver so props to Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats who seem like great dudes.  Two summers ago I saw Machine Gun Blues in his backyard in Denver.  It was awesome.

Obligatory Book Section...

Books of the year get sadly forgotten in a lot of year end lists so I'm including this just as a reminder.  Unfortunately, I only read a couple new books this year and neither were all that great.  (Yes literally two and yes I READ BOOKS).  I did re-read How to Fight Presidents though so I'll make that my book of the year despite coming out in 2014.  Weirdly....that title seems more poignant now.  I wonder why?

Youtube Channel of the Year...

Look at me!  I'm hip with the kids and including a Youtuber section!  I will probably break my hip doing this kick flip....okay but seriously.  This probably should be included right?  Stranger Things, a show only on Netflix, is my "TV" show of the year so why not?  Why do other media outlets not do this in their end of year lists?

I'm going with CGP Grey in 2016 cause his videos are great.  He doesn't upload nearly as fast as other channels but there is quite a bit of obvious research and production so I can't complain.  His best video is probably Americapox which came out in Nov, 2015 so I'm cheating a little here.  Still though, this year alone he had fantastic videos on encryption, brexit (briefly), split brain patients, and The Rules of Rulers which you should absolutely watch if you haven't already.  It's fantastic and simplifies structures of power in an easy to understand way.

I don't know how to end this post so bam!

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Captain America: Civil War immediate reaction review

WARNING: IF YOU INTEND TO SEE THIS MOVIE AND PREFER NOT TO HAVE IT SPOILED DO NOT READ!!


OH. MY. GOODNESS!! I am thoroughly impressed, stunned, in anticipation of what's to come next! Marvel has seriously got this thing down so well its impossible not to love anything they put out (sans that awful fantastic 4 retry lol) I swear they're going to make me sound like a homer but damn Marvel just gets it! they know what buttons to push and when and they get it right 99 times out of a 100!

      Excellent job with integrating the Black Panther and now Spidey himself as well... I still love Paul Rudd as Ant Man that pick is still so absolutely brilliant on Marvels part, I liked the kid they picked to play Spidey but at the same time would've liked keeping the other one as well, his name escapes me forgive me its late and I'm lazy.... anyway Black Panther is going to be epic! cant wait for that movie to come out!! and now I want more dammit give us more!!!!

Friendly reminder than your friendly neighborhood Deadpool movie comes out on bluray and dvd IN 4 DAYS!!!

enjoy,
UtesAvsfan

BatmanvsSuperman review

WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE!! I don't want to be blamed for ruining anything.

    I've anticipated this movie now since it was announced it was being made, I've contemplated in my head millions of times how it'd look and how cool it could be. this isn't quite it.
    First off the movie starts off way slow giving you a back story as to how we've come to this stage and why Bruce Wayne would come to hate someone so much, however I think it gets taken a bit too far as it dives all the way into Batmans backstory and how he came to be batman and how his parents died and so on, its in my opinion over the top, we all know Batmans freaking backstory its not like we need another freaking batman reboot thanks, anyway I find it a waste of time to intertwine it so much with the movie, and to throw Robin into this was overkill imo.
  Now on a side note here I still hate Ben Affleck as Batman, if it were me I'd have spent ever last penny trying to get Christian Bale to do it, yes I KNOW he said he wouldn't ever do Batman again but dammit he was the best Batman I've seen and c'mon just throw every money offer possible at him, which would eliminate the need to for the back story of Batman in the beginning and shorten the distance between the beginning and the battle scenes.
   Which leads me to the meat of the movie and I must say Wonder Woman stole the entire show, well cast and well played, she is amazing and just wow, nothing I can think of or say can properly give credit to her character so I'll stop trying and say that the destruction in this movie may have been over the top I get that this thing is the most powerful thing anyone has ever seen and the most powerful any one hero has ever faced but for this thing to be that powerful yet so easily destroyed it out of wack and I don't really like it all that much now that being said I love how they did the monster/alien spawn, using Zod and Lex Luthors blood to create such a monster to take on superman is great and it works, Jesse Eisenberg plays a perfect Lex and is genius for the role.
   Now this movie would have been better had it not been for the loud freaking kid behind me almost shouting everytime he thought he could, and yet the kids family just sat there and did nothing, if you can't keep your kid quiet DON'T BRING HIM, the ending of the movie was almost ruined by him because he just would not shut up but I gritted my teeth and made it through and of course naturally this kid was the first one out of the theatre while everyone else sat patiently expecting a marvel movie ending with sneak peeks hahaha. I cant say much on that cause so did I, its a good movie bordering great and i want you all to go see it without trying to compare it to marvel movies please and thank you, DC will never be marvel and marvel with never be DC so stop comparing them.

hope you all enjoy

UtesAvsfan

Ghostbusters Trailer Reaction!!! This is Hugely Important!!!!!!!!

When Donald Trump is declared supreme overlord over North America, starts a war with Uzbekistan for no reason, and tries to build 50 multi-million dollar hotel chains in the Mohave Desert, we will remember what truly brought America down; The overreaction to a Ghostbusters trailer.

I am outraged for reasons. 

I mean, holy shit.  There are SO many angles to this hate that I can't even begin to start with something resembling a coherent thought.  Bkughskjajhf.  Yes, Ghostbusters is a universally loved movie, with almost nobody saying they hated it (maybe a few "it was okay"s are in there), but I think people forget Ghostbusters 2, The Real Ghostbusters cartoon, and a slew of meh to awful video games.  People hated the underrated GB2, The Real Ghostbusters cartoon is most famous for Ecto Cooler, and yeah, those video games suck.

If there was ever a franchise that needed a reboot, it's this one.  The last movie came out 27 years ago.  The only way anybody can be so furious over this movie is because they are a fucking idiot who needs to take a step back from their pop culture loves.  If all the awful spinoffs didn't kill the first one, why the unicorn shitting Paula Deen would this new one kill it?

Are you shitting me?  You hate it because they recast FICTIONAL characters with women and/or minorities?  The only way to get angry about this is if you are a sexist/racist/probably both.  It's not a goddamn biopic, these people are not real, you fucking idiots.  Also, the existence of this movie does not erase the existence of the old movie.

Oh my god....It's so sad.

(I still can't find out if this meme is fake.  I'm aware it might be.  This is too stupid).

Are you shitting me?  This is pandering to SJW's?  Ha, this is code for, "if the movie was starring Chris Pratt, Robert Downey Jr, Milo Yiannopoulos, and Jennifer Lawarence with a nude scene, then it might be okay".  I'm sorry the fact that women want things in their media makes you angry and afraid.   I'm also sorry some people, including other men with huge dicks, don't give a shit about an all female cast and that it is so disruptive to your life. Hell, I feel sorry for the women in your lives.  You probably consider women as filling a role in your life rather than an equal partnership.  And you're probably scared and/or confused about vagina.  Also, the existence of this movie does not erase the existence of the old movie.

Are you shitting me?  The original Ghostbusters is untouchable in greatness?  Hardly.  Ghostbusters is Star Trek with ghosts.  Every, single, plot hole, is addressed with pseudo-sciencey gobbilty gook.  Ectoplasm is NOT A THING and even its rules are awfully flexible.  Plus, the human villains are kinda right.  Why in the holy "what did Slimer look like when he was a living human" shit fuck would they be considered the villain now?  Oh yes.  Let's just allow this private entity to run a nuclear powered ghost containment unit* without any governmental oversight.  Just superb. Also, the existence of this movie does not erase the existence of the old movie.

*How in the fuck does that thing even work anyway?

Are you shitting me?  It's pandering to women but some people hate it because one black character?  What the fuck?????  Okay...these comments seem to be false flag types but whatever.  Should the movie have more black characters?  Sure.  Should the movie have no black characters?  Whatever.  Should the movie having nothing BUT black characters?  Sure.  Get on my level America.  Also, the existence of this movie does not erase the existence of the old movie.

Are you shitting me?  Their uniforms look like shit, the proton packs don't look right, the ghosts are not see through enough, there is already a gross-out joke in the trailer just like every other Kristen Whig/Melissa McCarthy movie, the black lady is a "from the streets" type again, and was that Beetlejuice?

Yes.  Those are my thoughts as well.  Still looking forward to it though.  Also, the existence of this movie does not erase the existence of the old movie.

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I Finally Watched Crimson Peak (Review?)

I felt obligated to write about this movie.  It's the only movie I previewed that I didn't later write about.  I also didn't see this movie in theatres because I was expecting disappointment.  

This poster makes no sense.

What the hell did I just watch?

This isn't a horror movie.  Who ever decided to market this movie as a horror movie is out of their goddamn mind.  For every joke about film executives doing buttloads of cocaine, the marketing department for Legendary Pictures are probably doing several lines a day.  If this movie is Del Toro's "horror masterpiece" then Jurassic World was a documentary masterpiece.  

This movie is kind of a thriller, murder mystery, ghosts for some reason, thing.  The ghosts are never a threat (I don't care if this is a spoiler but it's not really even a spoiler).  I have a soft spot for B-movies but this doesn't even try that vibe so I'm just left confused.  The movie is a suspense/thriller despite there being no mystery.  We know who the killer (killers) are from the start and we even know Son of Anarchy is going to try to pull off some sort of The Shining rescue.  Why even did anything happen?

This movie is about an heiress named Edith, who has a rich father, who another young dude named Thomas Sharpe (Loki from Avengers) is trying to gain his favor to buy some sort of digging machine, and another doctor who is in love with her (dude from Pacific Rim) is there but kinda the guy who figures shit out sorta.  Eventually, Loki kills Edith's father, or at least you think so, and doctor guy investigates, while Edith marries Loki in one of the strangest time skips I've ever seen and moves to Crimson Peak.

And sister of Loki is here too, and her name is....hold on I'm checking IMDB.

I often complain about movies moving to fast, but this movie dragged on forever.  The protagonist doesn't reach Crimson Peak until 40 minutes into the movie and....it's just a mansion.  Why no mountain?  Is the mansion a mountain?*  Everything takes sooooo long to set up that any sense of horror or tension disappears out of boredom.  

*My jokes about this movie being "Blood Mountain" are totally true.  I just didn't expect "Peak" to be THAT metaphor.  I would say it's clever if it wasn't so absurdly stupid.*

The characters are dumb as hell. Edith has several opportunities to escape Crimson Peak and doesn't because she's poisoned and snow I guess?  The nearest people are referenced to be 5 miles away.  FIVE.  Yeah, I'm not buying it.  There are REAL life stories of people making super long treks with very little health.   Come on.  "I'm trying really hard at this American accent" guy does help her out in the end...for like 3 seconds before getting shanked.  He really does pull off The Shining rescue only he isn't killed (spoiler for 40 year old movie).

The twists for a suspense/thriller movie are pretty damn important yet the twists in this movie you can see coming from a mile away.

 Spoiler section, highlight to read:

Turns out Loki is in an incestuous relationship with his sister because ew. Their mother was evil though because of course.  Loki marries rich ladies, takes their money, and then kills them...several of them which makes me wonder why nobody has investigated this.  These are rich people.  It's not like they are murdering vagrants.

Loki has a change of heart on Edith though and tries to stop his sister from killing her but is killed in the process.  Edith is helped out by the ghost of one of the former brides which was foreshadowed only by a newspaper clipping and why are there ghosts in this movie?  For a movie that says "Ghosts are real.  This much I know" TWICE, like it's the message of the movie, the ghosts are barely in it and don't really do anything.

End spoiler section.

A ghost played the piano....I don't remember why.

One thing the movie does well is its cinematography.  Every shot looks fantastic.  Del Toro seemed to put his unique monster designs into designing the mansion since there are no monsters (and the ghosts are just generic black bones zombies with squiggly lines).  It's kinda weird that the mansion looks evil though because this isn't a haunted house story.  It's just a place where evil people live.  Is there some sort of evil architect that evil people can hire to build their evil homes?  And for all the murdered rich ladies, why is the mansion so shoddy?  How many heiresses must one marry then murder to fix a hole in the roof?

Ever watch a movie and feel like it went through 14 re-writes?  Yeah.  That is Crimson Peak.  It shouldn't come as a surprise since the movie was in and out of development for a decade.  The movies confused tone and cliche as hell plot didn't leave me thinking this is a bad movie, but instead committed a far worse crime.  It was boring, which made this post incredibly hard to write.

Doctor, guy from Green Street Hooligans.

Oh...and for a Del Toro movie, WHERE THE HELL WAS RON PEARLMAN?

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Star Wars: The Force Awakens Review

I used to really be into Star Wars.  I read books, comics, played the video games, wore Star Wars clothes, and even had a few toys but I took them out of the box.  I would even spend hours reading Wookieepedia entries to fill in the blanks I had in the lore.  Yeah, there are A LOT of Star Wars fans more hardcore than me, but I was probably nerding out above "average person who likes Star Wars".

Once you start to learn a lot about a fictional universe however, you start to find every little flaw, most of which was introduced in the Prequels or the now defunct Expanded Universe.  Like, the ability to use The Force is apparently genetic yet the Jedi Order bans Jedi from having children, or the Galactic Senate being simultaneously powerless and way too powerful.  Jar Jar brings the motion to give Palpatine "emergency dictatorial powers" and all the other senators agree without any questions asked.  Also, every important event in the entire galaxy happens around a small number of people. The Jedi tree from Qui Gon Jinn practically responsible for everything.  Even the technology in this universe is ludicrously overpowered.  Fans have calculated that a single blast from a Star Destroyer has 70 Terajoules of energy.  Why even bother with a Death Star? An orbital bombing from just a half dozen of these things should leave any planet a wasteland.

Of course, the shield generators are easy targets.  Hasn't the Empire seen a video game boss weak point before?

Star Wars got too big for it's own good.  All this expanded lore was introduced into a franchise that started as a homage to Buck Rodgers, other serialized pulp Sci-Fi, westerns, and samurai films.  Star Wars is a mish-mash of a lot of dumb silly fun that just blew up into a garbage fire of dumb silly nonsense.   

So I was hesitant to buy into the immense hype for Star Wars: The Force Awakens completely.  86'ing the Expanded Universe post Return of the Jedi was a good move, but the Prequels remained.  How much of the superfluous crap would remain and how much would this movie return Star Wars to it's roots.  

Luckily, my fears were unfounded.  Star Wars: The Force Awakens is almost more of a remake of A New Hope rather than a sequel.  Some people may be disappointed by this, but I really, really liked the movie because of this.  

The Empire regroups after Return of the Jedi and is renamed The First Order.  A New Republic is also established which supports a Resistance against The First Order.  How much of the Galaxy is controlled by what faction is never explored but it wasn't really necessary.  Luke Skywalker is missing and everybody and their mother is looking for him.  BB-8, the little soccer ball droid, is carrying part of a map to him and acts as the maguffin for the movies plot.  

If this sounds exactly like the plot to A New Hope, it is.  Empire/First Order, Rebels/Resistance, R2-D2 carrying Death Star schematics/BB-8 carrying a map.  There is even MORE likenesses to A New Hope that I can't get into because of spoilers (See spoiler section below).  While the movie can be criticized for not taking any chances and not introducing anything really new, I appreciate the move back to Star Wars' roots.  Yeah, I would have liked a different plot, but I didn't mind the recycled aspects THAT much.  

First Order/Nazi Germany

The reboot feel is more pronounced with the 8 gajillion callbacks in this movie.  There are so many they ALMOST got distracting but luckily the callbacks are....get this, actually relevant to the plot, unlike Jurassic World that treated it's callbacks like blatant fan service and nothing else.  Old characters are given more to do than just be extended cameos.  Harrison Ford does a really good job with old Han, granted, he could probably play Han Solo and Indiana Jones in his sleep.  Han doesn't change much other than having a little "I'm too old for this shit" feel to him.  Carrie Fisher plays a battle-hardened Leia who is no longer the plucky princess of yesteryear.  She means business while also seeming a little tired of these endless wars.  It's a good change.  

One thing the Prequels did poorly was establish new characters with depth and personality.  Poor dialogue was largely to blame for this but this movie's new characters are fantastic with solid dialogue.  

Rey takes on the new young Luke role and is a really well done character.  She's a firecracker with a well established personality.  She doesn't need much expository dialogue as aspects of her personality is shown rather than having characters tell us who she is like the audience is stupid.  Much of the movies plot just happens to her, so her depth isn't explored all that much, but that depth IS hinted at.  For the first movie in a planned trilogy, this is okay and I look forward to learning more about her character.  I'd argue she's already a better lead than Luke was since Luke was sorta characterized as a dumbass teenager in the first movie.  Rey isn't a bright eyed idiot and is established as a character who can get shit done on her own immediately.  She isn't dependent on others as much as Luke was in A New Hope.

Finn is a ex-stormtrooper who is something of a cowardly lion type who just wants to run away from the fighting.  He's got a solid arc and his interactions with Rey are fun.  He too isn't explored too much in depth but there is time to do so in future movies.  Plus, a black man and a woman in the two lead roles is the best for Internet bigots.

....Nice one Abrams.   (Trust me, not a spoiler).

Meanwhile, Poe is fine even if he's underdeveloped.  He's the best pilot in the Resistance and the likely lead in Star Wars: Rogue One.  He's a bit of a Han Solo type but without the edge.  Poe also has a scene that acts as an explanation for a scene that happens to Rey later, while ALSO being a plot point.  It's the type of scene many moviemakers would have cut so I'm glad it stayed in.  

Rylo Ken is a solid villain and a HUGE departure from how the Sith are typically characterized as.  The Sith usually have stone cold emotions, they're super confident, and basically demi-gods.  Rylo Ken is prone to temper tantrums, has shaky confidence, and is pre demi-god.  He's strong and menacing while also being vulnerable.  It helps level the playing field for Rey and Finn.  His motivations are...a bit glossed over as typical Dark Side stuff, but it's at least more than "he's evil", so I'll count this as a win.

The mask is mostly for show.

The movie also fixes a major flaw of the prequels by not overusing CGI.  BB-8 looks real.  A lot of the environments look like they were based on actual models and don't have that video game shine.  Stormtrooper armor isn't always pristine and show signs of wear and tear.  They, god forbid, get dirty in the desert!  What a concept!  

The few changes the movie does make to the universe are solid.  Tie fighters are shown to have copilots, which takes advantage of the whole 360 vision these fighters are designed to look like they have.  Both the First Order and the Resistance both have female pilots and soldiers, so the female cast isn't mostly prostitute.  Actually, the best changes are to the Stormtroopers themselves.  They are actually competent.  Some of them actually hit the targets they are shooting at!  They have even developed countermeasures from getting their asses kicked from dudes with laser swords and from teddy bears with goddamn rocks.

Even the mask re-design is badass

However, there is one production issue I have with the movie.  Just like with Avengers: Age of Ultron, this movie is super fast paced and edited at light speed.  Again, the pacing of the movie is difficult to pin down.  The time frame of the events of the movie make it seem like everything happened in a week, or even just a few days, but that wouldn't make sense to the plot.  It's a minor gripe but it's becoming an epidemic in Disney franchises.  You can slow down portions of the plot without the audience getting bored guys.  Come on.

All in all though, I really liked the movie.  I hesitate to call it great though mostly due to the recycled plot.  However, this movie was exactly what the Star Wars franchise needed in their movies after all the bullshit.  It was a return to what makes Star Wars great even if it didn't take any chances.  Almost the opposite of what many sequels and reboots are, this movie has all the heart and soul, but not enough brains.

That being said, when episode VIII rolls around, I may just buy into the hype this time.

SPOILER SECTION BELOW.

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Disclaimer: All pictures used are within Fair Use for review purposes.  

Jurassic World Review.

For a more detailed review of the movie, that I highly recommend, visit @Stevehouse11's review here.  This post mostly deals with the "theme" of Jurassic Park.  

The original Jurassic Park is damn near perfect.  There is a clear thesis versus anti-thesis (Dinosaur theme park versus playing God), characters that are easy to root for and interesting, tension reminiscent of a horror movie, and a clear goal.  There is also a subplot about the dinosaurs being animals, not monsters, which is reiterated in the final scene of the movie when Dr. Grant watches birds over the ocean.  They are our dinosaurs and it should forever be that way.

Jurassic World however, is a mess.  It still has the "don't play God" theme, but the characters are bleh, the tension is thrown away for ACTION PACKED ACTION DINO-ACTION, and the goal is weirdly confused.

Chris Pratt is fine even though he comes across as Dinosaur Lord.  I complained on Twitter about his ability to control Raptors, but in retrospect, that's okay.  Categorizing Raptors as similar to a pack of wolves was a good choice in my opinion.  I was always skeptical of their super intelligence in previous films.  My only real complaint is that his character lives in a trailer on the island because OF COURSE HE DOES.  Can we please kill of this cliche?  Dude makes a hefty salary working at this park.  Like, what?  Is he saving money for some character development thing that was edited out of the movie?

He has the same facial expression in every screenshot.

Bryce Dallas Howard's (I had to look up her name) character Claire was weird.  She kind of came across as a villain in the beginning of the movie only to later become "Token Hero #2" without any real change.  Her villain feel comes from her wanting to save the park and containing the situation instead of the more obvious EVACUATION plan any sane person would have called for.  I know it's a PG-13 movie so all this stuff happened off screen but, a ton of people died on her watch. She's a hero?

Also, there was a couple kids in this movie but who cares?  I remember nothing about them except for some bizarre parents getting divorced subplot that the movie just drops halfway through.  Is that all the character development we get for these two?  Seriously?  Oh wait....no, we also learn that younger brother likes dinosaurs because obviously, and we learn older teenage brother likes girls because OBVIOUSLY.  It's like these kids came out of the book "Complete Hacks Guide to Writing Child Characters."  I don't even remember their names.

"Shire LaBeef and MopTop"

Jurassic World also seems to have completely changed the tone of the previous movies.  The original movie had fantastic tension and suspense.  In JW, I never really felt like the characters lives were at risk.  (This is a common problem in modern day, AAA movies by the way).  I was more worried about the Raptors getting owned by the Indominous Rex - GODDAMN do I hate that name.  He sounds like a fucking Pope.

Also, what is the goal for our heroes here?  Is it to save the park or save the tourists?  It's more vague than I would like.  So much of the movie seems to be less about survival and more about saving InGen's stock.  It's like this movie was written by business executives or something...executives that apparently don't know anything about business.

BY FAR, my biggest complaint about this movie, isn't really about the movie itself.  It's the concept. Why does Jurassic World EXIST?

Are you going to tell me, that InGen can open another dinosaur park, on the same island as the original Jurassic Park, where five people died, and this is just okay?  Don't get me wrong, I think people would still visit it, but from a business perspective, how?  Wouldn't InGen be swamped with lawsuits from the families of the deceased as well as congressional hearings about the legality of the whole enterprise?  Why would they sink their money into this a 2nd time?  What, exactly, does InGen make money on OUTSIDE of dinosaur theme parks?

Obviously evil.

Also, if the first movie is canon, what about the other two?  You know, including one where a T-Rex CASUALLY RAMPAGES THROUGH FUCKING SAN DIEGO?  Did they cover this up or something?  InGen has more money than the Umbrella Corporation.

Not obviously evil?

Sorry but this isn't a nitpick.  This is never explained.  If this was a hard reboot, where the other movies don't exist, then this entire complaint would be moot.  Granted I liked all the callbacks to the original movie, but it opened a fuck ton of plot holes.  And why the hell do we STILL know nothing about that shadow corporation that hired Newman from Seinfeld to steal Dino DNA in the first movie?  Obvious story potential never explored.  They are the reason the events of Jurassic Park happened!!!  What....the....hell?

Okay.  I feel you getting angry with me.

To be fair, as much as I hate this movie, I don't, like, "hate" hate it.  It's still better than Jurassic Park 3.  The movie also deserves a lot of props for explaining why the dinosaurs don't quite look right due to gene splicing and shit (recent scientific evidence suggests most dinosaurs had feathers...like BIRDS you evolution denying fucks).  And the movie's action scenes, at the expense of any real tension, where pretty....

NOPE.  Sorry.

The CGI is wretched.  Like....did most of the people who liked the special effects never see a Final Fantasy cutscene before?  What about Metal Gear Solid?  The Raptors look about 3 feet shorter than they ever did, have fluorescent skin tone apparently, and act like pitbulls.  The giant alligator dinosaur looked like something from a SyFy movie.  Even the Indominous Rex (GODDAMN DO I HATE THAT NAME) had weird cartoon hands that look slightly better than Reboot.

Mmmmmm...maybe not.

Yes, the original Jurassic Park popularized CGI (along with Independence Day) but used it sparingly.  Only two scenes used CGI exclusively, everything else was good ole practical effects.  If there is one blight in AAA Hollywood movies that I could correct, it's this.  Stop being fooled.  Compare this movie's CGI to Sharknado and see what that massive budget did.

I'm not going to lie, I wish this movie was something else.  I wish it was a hard reboot.  I wish character development meant something (it doesn't take long, Mad Max:Fury Road did it in like 5 minutes).  I wish the tone wasn't changed since it was a key part of the franchise.  And I wish Hollywood would stop making movies that are all about the CGI and not about anything that actually matters.

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5 Reasons Why Mad Max:Fury Road is Better Than Most Action Movies.

Needs more Furiosa.

Now that I've seen Mad Max:Fury Road for a second time, I think I can properly write about it in a way I want too.  Forgoing a normal movie review that would read like literally any other review of Mad Max:Fury Road, "It was awesome!  I'm going to Valhalla all shiny and chrome!  Fucking GUITAR GUY!!!!!" I have instead decided to dive deeper into why I personally like this movie and why some of those reasons may contradict how I judge other movies.  As much as I make fun of the practice, I have a tendency of nitpicking movies as well, even though I am trying to change this.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I can still nitpick Fury Road.  For example, how did they test Max's blood type when using him as a blood bag?  Why is Furiosa's missing arm never explained?  For a sequel/reboot, how come Max's back story is only vaguely shown in flashbacks?  What the hell was that briefly shown, four legged stilt, swamp people or....okay, I think it's the rumored "greenland" that went to shit but it's awfully vague.    

None of it matters though because none of it detracted from my enjoyment of the film.  But, why though?

1.  It's a Self Contained Movie.

Unlike Avengers:Age of Ultron (it's the only other movie on this blog we have talked about in depth so I'll be referencing it a little, apologies), Fury Road does not need an extensive knowledge of a cinematic universe to understand.  It's basically mandatory to have seen every solo superhero film to understand what the hell is going on in Avengers:AoU.  Hell, you even need the TV show, Agents of Shield, to understand everything completely.  For Fury Road, having seen the previous Mad Max films is meaningless and arguably detrimental as the continuity is kinda screwy.  

This happened.

The movie is a 2 hour long car chase scene where characters sometimes talk to each other.  The best comparison I've seen is to the movie Dredd, a movie that is super awesome that almost nobody has seen.  (Seriously, it's a sci-fi version of Die Hard.  I'm not kidding).  Dredd is also a very self contained movie.  Everything that happens in both movies, ONLY happens to the characters in the movies.  There are no innocent bystanders (or, they are minimal).  There are no destroyed cities that should have massive effects on the populace.  There is no worldwide changes if the villain wins....speaking of which.

2. The Stakes are Lower

Most action movies now, which are almost all superhero movies, have a plot that revolves around a villain either taking over the world or destroying it.  That isn't necessarily a bad thing. For example, one of the best action movies ever, Terminator 2, is about world fuckery but at least that movie has some nuance about the details, mainly time travel and shit.  But many, many other great action movies don't involve world domination.  Die Hard.  Aliens.  Hot Fuzz (lol).  Yet modern day action movies think "over the top" means ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING is at stake, when a good action movie doesn't need this.*    World domination is a hard thing to conceptualize.  It seems impossible and therefore movies that focus on it are more open to scrutiny.  

*You know what is a high grossing action movie franchise that doesn't do this?  The Fast and the Furious franchise....I'm not sure if I like my own argument now.

Out of Context:  Superhero Movie or Not?  Hard to tell.

If Imperator Furiosa and Max fail, what does that mean for the world of Mad Max?  Nothing, really. The ladies go back into being sex slaves, if not outright killed.  Max is most certainly drained of his precious blood.  Nux is probably tortured to death as an example for the others.  But these lower stakes are closer to real life, which means these characters...

3. The Characters are Very Easy to Root For

This should go without saying but, it's hard to root for a good guy when the good guy is a God that casually destroys a city block with his fight against another Superman, er, I mean God.  It's easy to perceive superheroes as not giving too shits about us because....they largely don't.  Avengers:AoU went out of it's way to show the good guys saving civilians (in response to a major criticism of the first movie I bet), despite the fact that there HAD to be some collateral damage in that final fight with Ultron.  

Also, see any Michael Bay movie ever.  Even the best Transformers movie, the first one, still has a climax that takes place in a major city with destruction everywhere.  Civilians died.  Suspension of disbelief only goes so far.

And nobody died.......

Fury Road, however, has characters that are so easy to root for because everything is so black and white.  Immortan Joe is a warlord who is the gatekeeper to the most precious resource of the Mad Max world, water.  To strengthen his power, he has raised a cult of War Boys addicted to paint huffing (I think???), and has regulated population control with his, uh, "milk women" (I seriously cannot find their names but the old ladies who did their own stunts, the Vuvalani, I CAN find and are badass).  Oh and Immortan Joe takes some of that population as his harem of brides or whatever depraved sex slave metaphor you'd like me to use.  

Not that every movie needs to be black and white since so much of life is a sexy shade of grey (pun intended), but sometimes movies need to make it obvious who the good guys are, which means...

4.  Simplicity is Sometimes Better

Hey, I can get down with a David Lynch movie just like any other art house critic, but action movies are great on a more primal level.  In Fury Road, director George Miller had the novel idea that movies are a visual medium and stuck to the saying, "show, don't tell."  Most of the movie's details are shown rather than given expository dialogue.  How do they get gasoline?  They raid a nearby town that is basically an oil refinery, with an oil pump shown in the foreground.  (They don't actually raid the town in the movie as it's used as a jumping off point).  The aforementioned Max blood bag usage explains why they kept him alive and why later in the movie, he can revive Furiosa.  Even Nux is shown the brutality of his former master when Max shows him compassion in keeping him alive.  Also, one of the "wives" likes him.

"WHY DO WOMEN STEAL MAX'S SCREEN TIME!!!" - Some Men's Rights Douchebag.

This goes back to the "self contained movie thing" but yeah, most recent movies need some sort of supplemental material for the audience to understand it.  This shouldn't be necessary for EVERY action movie.  The GI Joe movies, for example, are absolutely ridiculous when taken out of context.  For all the reasons reboots exist, GI Joe is the least understandable.  Snake Eyes better be able to deflect bullets with his sword because these movies take place in the REAL WORLD.  There is a reason soldiers don't sword fight anymore.  

5.  It's a Miracle This Movie Even Got Made

Let's all take a step back and appreciate that Mad Max:Fury Road is a goddamn miracle.  I'm serious.  What about this movie even makes it seem possible in modern day Hollywood?  The only thing that makes sense is "reboot of a sorta popular franchise", but even then, Mad Max has always been niche.  How did it get this good of a budget?

Let's consider the following:

• The original creator and director, George Miller, was allowed to reboot/sequalize his own franchise despite the fact that he had been doing nothing but children's films for the last 2 decades (notably, the completely CGI Happy Feet).
• Miller was allowed to do this movie with very little CGI, the only thing he has used recently, and instead use practical effects which always look better go AHEAD AND CALL ME A HIPSTER!
• Miller was allowed to do this with, seemingly, very little studio interference although this is impossible to know for sure.  (Does he have naked pictures of somebody or something?).
• Miller was allowed to make the title character a sidekick in his OWN MOVIE, with something like 8 lines of dialogue, and destroy his iconic car.
• Also, Miller is over 70 years old.
• Also, also, a Hollywood studio realized that a medium sized budget can turn a profit and make itself some money even if it's not a MEGA profit.  Take note, AAA video game studios.

How in the hell did this movie get made?  I...don't have an answer for this.  Leave a comment.  It's open to anonymous comments, which I may regret if more than 20 people ever read this.

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To wrap things up, I LOVED Mad Max:Fury Road.  Sound editing aside, (did anybody else think it was hard to hear dialogue during actions scenes or did my years of rock concerts deteriorate my hearing?) just about everything came as close to perfect as I could imagine.  Please, PLEASE make more movies like this Hollywood. 

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See my discussion with fellow Imperator AJ on Avengers:Age of Ultron here.

See my preview of my most anticipated movies of 2015 here.  Mad Max:Fury Road is one of them.

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AJ and Jason Discuss: Avengers Age of Ultron

SPOILER ALERT:  I'm pretty sure anybody who would read a discussion of Avengers Age of Ultron has already seen the movie, but here is your spoiler warning just in case.

AJ

Okay, Jason. We've both seen Avengers 2 and we both have things we want to say about it. So let's start easy. Give me a score, 1-10 with 10 being the greatest movie ever created in the history of humanity, and give me 3 basic thoughts about the movie. 

Jason

Ranking a movie 1-10 is not easy my friend, so I'll go with a solid 7, the safest of all rankings.  I think Dr. Strangelove is the best movie ever made and a 10+, while Back to the Future is my favorite movie of all time, but probably an 8 because I'm weird like that.  7 is safe for Avengers: Age of Zingertron because I liked it, but I was also annoyed by a few things.  

I thought the direction was really, really good.  Joss Whedon can really frame a shot to look like a comic book panel, especially during action scenes.  The opening scene shot of the whole team attacking Hydra in the woods was great.  The final fight with the whole team in a circle fighting legions of robots was great as well.  Whedon also really shines during the quiet moments too like the scene where everyone was having drinks and taking turns trying to lift Thor's hammer.  However, I thought it was unfortunate that SO MUCH was packed into this movie that more of these great quiet moments had to be left out for non-stop action, although I realize how nitpicky that is and I should apply for a job with CinemaSins.

Two gripes I legitimately have are with the pacing and SickBurnBroTron, but I'll hold off on him for now.  The pacing is really odd.  Everything seems to happen way too fast, partly because of "I have more one-liners than Terminator Tron's" stupid plan, but also because of the 18 settings for the movie.  They're in New York! Now Africa!  Korea!  Eastern Europe!  It's hard to get a sense of where and when.  I'm confused on the timeframe.  Did these events occur over a few days, a week, several weeks?

What did you think of the movie overall and I'm curious if you have any thoughts on the pacing.  (I am aware I gave you two thoughts and went more in depth than "basic".  You can't tell me what to do!).

AJ

I liked the movie overall. I think a 7 is completely appropriate for it. It was a complicated film that had a lot of things to try to accomplish. They had to build off not only the first Avengers movie but keep in line as each of the main stars also had another movie of their own to develop their characters. It's a lot of balls to juggle at once and I think they did an admirable job of it overall.

My biggest gripe with the film was probably that they spent too little time on THIS film and too much time making call backs to previous films or setting characters up for what they're going to be doing in the future. The most glaring example of this was the Thor flashback, which we saw several times and was 100% about Ragnarok and not Age of Ultron. I understand the need to move characters along because they all have solo films to get to after this but the Avengers movies are about the Avengers being together. Devoting significant chunks of time to splitting them up only serves to defeat the purpose of the entire Avengers concept - they all have solo films, let them do their solo shit there.

A big to do has been made about the decisions regarding Hawkeye, his big reveal, and how it was handled. For me, I enjoyed it, appreciated it, and thought almost nothing of it beyond that. It was nice to see him get serious screen time and finally provide some layer of depth to a character making like his 5th appearance. The end.

The shit with Nick Fury, however, was pure nonsense. The guy randomly shows up at Hawkeye's hideout, NO EXPLANATION WHATSOEVER, and proceeds to drop random motivational bombs, including his whole "no fancy SHIELD toys this time, bros", only to randomly show up again later in the movie....with a fucking helicarrier. So...about that lack of SHIELD toys....

And yes, I absolutely have thoughts about the pacing. I completely agree with everything you said. You know they handled it poorly when nerds have been arguing on the internet for a week that they were in Wakanda for the vibranium or not. When people who are devoted to the movies aren't 100% where the movie is even taking place, you've made some mistakes along the way. It was very peculiar.

All of that said, there were things I definitely loved about the film. Scarlet Witch was excellent. Quicksilver, despite not being given much to do, was enjoyable to watch in action. The tiny moments always make big differences to nerds like me. I loved the small touches scattered throughout. Meeting Ultron for the first time and he was wearing the crimson cape was awesome, as it was a nod to the Crimson Cowl in the comics. I loved seeing Vision and Scarlet Witch interact, knowing they have a big future together. I loved more explanation of the stones and their importance and probably my favorite moment in the entire movie was during the credits when Thanos put on the Infinity Gauntlet. I remember being excited when they were making the first Thor movie and teased the Infinity Gauntlet. A million years and a complete Marvel explosion later, WE'RE FINALLY ABOUT TO SEE IT PAY OFF. YES.

Take that, two thoughts. 

Jason

Oh man, I forgot about the magical helicarrier.  That was some plot convenience if I've ever seen it.

Good points on much of the movie acting as a set up for future solo films.  I thought those scenes came across as padding in a movie that really didn't need it.  So much was already going on.  That said, I did like the decision to give characters who don't have solo movies, mainly Hawkeye and Black Widow, more screen time for character depth.  Hawkeye's scenes were handled well and I particularly like the line near the end of the movie where Hawkeye acknowledges how ridiculous it is that he is fighting robots with a bow and arrow. It was fun to see him have a sense of humor being on a team with overpowered weirdos. Family man Hawkeye was also less weird than I thought it would be and basically turns him into something like the "every man" of the group.  Someone to relate too....kinda.   

Black Widow's scenes, however, were more problematic.  Previous movies hint at Black Widow having a dark past in which she did things she is not so proud of.  Loki has a conversation with her in the first Avengers where she talks about having "red in her ledger" and Loki responds by questioning if she can truly make up for the terrible things she did in her past.  This is a classic redemption arc....which was thrown away in favor of being a sterile "monster"?  While much of the internet thought this was worthy of driving Whedon off of Twitter for, I hated it more for its continuity rather than some sexist statement (although it is a little sexist still since the whole wanting babies thing seems to come out of left field).  It's also small potatoes when the monster she is trying to relate too is a giant green rage ogre.  Not all monsters are equal.  

Side note:  Some people on the internet thought Whedon was being sexist with her being a damsel in distress but I thought it was okay.  Her kidnapping isn't the main focus of the movie, she's the reason the rest of the team finds out where Ultron is, and she basically saves herself so, whatever.  It's more a product of lazy writing than anything.  

I thought that most of the new characters were okay.  I agree with you on Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver,  even if Scarlet Witch's powers were vaguely explained.  Quicksilver is overpowered as hell so it was probably a good thing they killed him off.  Vision is okay but divorced from the comics, I bet many people think Vision IS Jarvis.  He also is a good way to help explain what the hell the infinity gems are while also keeping them purposely mysterious.  

But....there is one other new character who I thought was a huge disappointment.  Ultron was nothing what I expected and the biggest flaw in this movie for me.  Before I tackle this, do you have any thoughts on the villain?  I'm afraid of turning this reply into a 2,000 word essay.  

AJ

I guess it's hard for me say that Ultron was a disappointment. I never liked the Ultron comic book story line and was pretty comfortable with the fact that I wasn't going to enjoy this, either. His humorous little quips were classic Whedon and didn't really bother me much. Because this movie was going to be so self-contained, I wish they would have just gone straight ahead and made Hulk the villain. It would've skipped the waste of time Ultron story line, the GOD AWFUL Hulk-Black Widow romance, and would have set Hulk up PERFECTLY for the Planet Hulk movie...which is where he's going to end up anyway.

This movie was all about getting the main characters to Civil War, Ragnarok, and Infinity War in one piece. I understood why they had Ultron be the villain. It was a popular story line, it fit with Tony's maniacal obsession with protecting the Earth on his own, and it was easily contained to one movie. What happened instead was they ended up wasting a perfectly fine villain and turned him into more of a cartoon than he ever was in the comics. It's basically a repeat of what Iron Man 2 did to Whiplash.

One last point I wanted to touch on was you mentioning them keeping the infinity gems purposely mysterious. I hate this. We are not 3 Iron Man, 2 Cap, 2 Thor, 2 Avengers, and 1 Guardian of the Galaxy movies into the MCU, which has spent the ENTIRE TIME  building towards the Infinity War. When those movies start, I do not want to spend ANY time fucking explaining them. They've been dancing around them for TEN god damn movies by now and all we REALLY have is the scene with The Collector in Guardians explaining them. UNLESS EVERYONE WAS PAYING CLOSE ATTENTION, we're going to have to re-visit this shit in what will be WELL COVERED TERRITORY by the time Infinity War rolls around! I'M CLEARLY NOT PLEASED WITH THIS. Of all the AMAZING things they've done to setup this universe and these movies, this is BY FAR my longest-standing gripe with the plan as a whole.

Now I know you have lots to say about Ultron. So hit me, dawg. 

Jason

Now that I think about it, I agree with what you said about the Infinity Gems.  I'm sick of origin stories as it is and I have a suspicion that Infinity War Part 1 is going to be the origin story of magic rocks.

I've been of the opinion that the MCU has had difficulty establishing any interesting villains.  They never seem to be that much of a threat to the heroes, their motives range from generic evil to revenge against the hero, and most of them exist due to the heroes incompetence.   Iron Man mostly fights other Iron Men instead of Whiplash or The Mandarin who was turned into a joke.  Red Skull is a Nazi.  Hydra just wants power.  Loki?  I have NEVER understood why this guy is so popular.  He's a whiny baby who is angry that his dad loves his brother more.  And...Loki is the best villain to date, which says more than I ever could.

Ultron was intriging because AI is usually depicted as cold, humorless, amoral, and logical to a zero-sum fault in movies.  It also didn't help that the trailers made him look intimidating as hell, like, "YES.  This guy is gonna give the ludicrously overpowered Avengers a real fight."  Instead, he was a wise-cracking, strangely under powered, hypocritical robot who monologued about evolution while simultaneously wanting to build himself a body.  Shouldn't the coldly logical robot, who has a coldly logical motive to end all war by killing everybody (Oh my Cthulhu, he HAS REAPER LOGIC), realize he's better off just jumping from robot to robot?  How can he claim to be a superior evolved being when he wants to make himself more human, while also wanting to kill all humans?

Also, I'm not trying to say a zinger-flinging villain can't be good, but with Ultron it went too far.  When the Hulk jumps onto the jet and Ultron says, "Oh god, what now", I couldn't help but roll my eyes.  I half expected him to raise his hands, look directly into the camera and say, "Can this day GET any worse", followed by a laugh track.  I get that he took on some of Stark's personality since he created him but...I think I would have prefered the stereotype AI character.  Ultron seems closer to Bender from Futurama rather than Skynet from Terminator.  

Oh, and Ultron got trounced by the Avengers.  Just like the aliens in the first movie, I never felt like he COULD win.  Obviously, we all know the heroes in a PG-13 comic book movie are going to win, but I want them to have to work for it a little.  Ultron is just another villain who doesn't pose a threat.  Hell, he gets his ass kicked during his reveal when The Avengers didn't have their gear, were completely taken by surprise, and FUCKING DRUNK.  If Ultron can't put up a fight then, what the hell is he going to do for the rest of the movie?  The Avengers are too powerful.  Thanos sure is taking his sweet time.  

I feel like I could write a novel about Ultron but I'll stop here.  Speaking of things getting long, we should probably wrap this up.  Any lingering thoughts?  Counter-points to my Ultron hate?  Reasons why Civil War is a sub-title to a Captain America movie despite having half the Avengers in it? 

AJ

I gave you the floor for Ultron. I don't have any particularly strong disagreements about what you said. A lot of nodding and "yeah, you tell em" went on while reading all of it. I will say Civil War is my favorite comic book story line ever and they had better not fuck it up but that's a rant for another day.

My last thought on Avengers 2 is that walking out of the theater, I liked it. It wasn't a slam dunk like the first one in my eyes but it accomplished a lot of its goals and as the second movie of a series it turned out okay. It was a good, solid, flawed comic book movie. I'm ready to close the book on this sucker so we can gear up for Mad Max next week!!

Jason

Agreed.  Ultron aside, I actually did like this movie despite spending so much time complaining about it.  It was fun.  Not as good as the first but not as bad as a few others in the MCU.  

And yeah, I am SO stoked for Mad Max Fury Road.  Till next time!

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