Other Best and Some Worst Media of 2016.

My all video game version is here.

Same rules as the previous post. I must have watched/listened/read the thing.  I only have so much time so two movies missing is Suicide Squad and Rogue One.  I will be seeing Rogue One next week and will absolutely want to write about it so yeah.  I will see Suicide Squad whenever.  I'm in no hurry.

One more thing, no 2015 versions (mostly) because this got long.  Everyone knows Mad Max:Fury Road is my favorite movie of 2015.  Star Wars is maybe a runner up?  I dunno.  Anyway, to the list.

Best Movie of 2016...

Deadpool

I actually didn't write a review of this because I didn't see it until way later.  The hype around it was a bit much plus I'm so burned out on superhero movies.  After seeing it, I still think it's a little over hyped but holy crap.  2016 is an awful year for movies.

Deadpool actually feels like a faithful comic book movie which is becoming increasingly rare.  Most Marvel movies just feel like Marvel Cinematic Universe movies.  That isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it does make them start to blur together.  If I was shown some random Iron Man clip, I'd have a hard time figuring out if it was in Iron Man 1, 2, 3, Avengers 1, 2, or Civil War.  It is all so "samey".  Deadpool is a breath of fresh air in comparison.

I liked the mix between gratuitous violence, humor, 4th wall breaking, and even some humanizing characterization.  The movie had to rely on those aspects since it didn't have a budget of a Zillion dollars like any MCU or DC movie and mostly avoided spectacle.  The spectacle it did have at the end on the ship, well, at least it wasn't an entire city.  The movie is so well balanced but I have a feeling the 2nd one is going to double down on the outrageous stuff with the larger budget and end up being a worse movie.  Here is to hoping that doesn't happen.

Side note:  Hollywood, especially DC, learned the exact wrong lesson when Deadpool became the highest grossing R rated film ever (finally knocking off the godawful Passion of the Christ....pun intended).  This is why Batman v Superman got an R rated cut.  The lesson Hollywood should have learned is that superhero movies can have more fun and be less serious gritty business.  The Dark Knight came out in 2008.  Get over yourselves.

Runner Up Movie of 2016....

NOTHING.

It's worth noting that I'm writing this before seeing Rogue One and as the last The Force Awakeness defender on the planet who is also a reformed Star Wars nerd, Rogue One might end up on here or even beating Deadpool.

There were plenty of movies I liked alright but virtually nothing I thought was great.  Civil War, Ghostbusters, that Harry Potter movie I didn't understand cause I'm not a HP fan but my wife is....they were all varying degrees of okay to meh.  Nothing really worthy of my prestigious list.

Best Movie of 2016 that came out in 2015 that I didn't see until this year...

The Martian

I have a hard time believing this movie was made by Ridley Scott.  This is the same director that made the incomprehensible mess that was Prometheus, which might be the worst AAA movie I've seen in the last decade.  Luckily, this movie has nothing to do with Alien and...what's that?  Oooooooooohhhhhhhh.  No way that isn't getting fucked up.

The Martian is great though.  It has a nice balance of that fake-space realism that Neil DeGrasse Tyson loves so much and more outlandish action pieces.  The movie has a great deal of tension in it's climax too even if that is when the more unbelievable parts happen.  I know a lot of people rip on the space potatoes but hey, I thought it was fine.  If there is a plant that can live in shit soil (pun intended), it's potato plants.  

Worst Movie of 2016...

huuRRRRNNNNGGGGGGHHHHH

X-Men Apocalypse

Review here.

This movie is so bad you guys.  I think it's actually getting worse with age.  The Wolverine cameo, plus the cliffhanger from Days of Future Past, like....why?  Why is this scene in the movie if you're not even going to justify it with the need to resolve that cliffhanger?  Why does Oscar Issac, who is a good actor, seem to be drastically overacting as Apocalypse?  How is that even possible when Apocalypse views himself as a god?  Why is Magneto such a dumb shit?  How does Xavier ever lose a mind fight?  Why can't we have an X-Men movie where Cerebro isn't used as a weapon against the X-Men?

The worst part of this movie is that it fails where even some bad-bad movies succeed; it's boring.  I know that can be pretty subjective but a whole lot of nothing happens so Apocalypse can build his team and the X-Men can build their team while giving back story to characters we already know.  Strangely, almost no back story is given to the new characters in the universe like Psylocke.  It's obvious nobody wanted to make this movie except maybe James McAvoy who...tries so hard.  You weren't enough buddy.

Runner Up Worst Movie...

Batman V Superman: Dawn of WTF

I've only JUST watched this but it's bad.  The two biggest problems with this movie is Zack Snyder and Lex Luthor.  There are, like, a dozen other things that suck about this movie but I don't want to spend too much time on this.  I will point out that the scene where Batman is talking to Alfred before fighting Superman has one of the worst lines of dialogue ever.  Hall of shit fame worthy.  "...and if we believe there's even a one percent chance that he is our enemy we have to take it as an absolute certainty"  Uh, no.  That's some Trump logic right there.  Some random Canadian insulted bald eagles on Twitter!  Slight chance but hey, ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY.  Better go to war.

Zack Snyder doesn't know how to tell a story.  Things just happen in his movies and sometimes they move the plot forward seemingly by accident.  The movie borrows heavily from the Dickbag Nazi Frank Miller* comic and....yeah.  It shows.  Also, does Snyder know NOBODY liked Sucker Punch?  Why borrow from that and do way too many dream sequences, including one dream inside a dream?  Using dreams as a substitute for emotional or especially logical motives for needing to fight Superman is lame.  The time difference from Man of Steel and BVS is too long for emotional motive unless Batman is an asshole. 

*Batman is an asshole in this movie because of Frank Miller.  I don't know why so many people get a boner for Frank Miller but he's a piece of shit human and a hack writer.  All of his popular work is edgy 90's bullshit that was edgy for the sake of edgy.  No real reason to it.  Sin City is ass.  300 is ass (Spartans are your democracy champions Miller?!?!  Seriously?  Sparta was a dictatorial military Junta.  Yes, women had more rights there than anywhere else, but that was only for the upper class and for birthing more soldiers).  Also, Miller is a Nazi so fuck him.  

As for Lex Luthor, what the fuck?  His plan is Joker-ish and his characterization reminds me of Zorg from The Fifth Element but more quirky.  Also, what is his motive?  Why is he doing any of this?  How does this benefit him even in the slightest way?  He has connections to the Russian mob that superheroes might find out about?  Okay but, why is creating Doomsday your contingency plan*?  THAT. MAKES. NO. SENSE. That would be like a terrorist trying to evade the NSA by building a nuclear bomb.  

*For comic purists out there, the Doomsday origin is so divorced from the comics it's insulting.  I recommend this Max Landis video.  It's long and has some questionable Gay jokes in it but has Elijah Wood.

Best TV Season of 2016...

Stranger Things

My runner up is very, very close but I gave Stranger Things the slight edge.

This series has a lot in common with Deadpool actually.  It's a series nobody wanted and every network looks like idiots for turning them down.  Even Netflix was unsure about it as it was barely advertised.  Word got around though and this is a great, great show.

Child actors are usually a burning hot garbage fire but these actors are great.  The horror elements of the show are genuinely creepy and all the 80's callbacks are great.  The series has a lot of Stephen King homages but there is also The Goonies, ET, Poltergiest, and more.  It's also expertly produced for the binge watching nature of Netflix, so much so that I lost a lot of sleep one night.  Every episode ends naturally but since the series is basically an 8 hour movie, it's easy to be convinced to watch just one more "scene".

Despite all the hype, I actually think this show is UNDERRATED.  I'm not going to say anything more.  Go into it (almost) blind like me.  It's very good.

Runner Up Best TV Season of 2016...

Game of Thrones Season 6

I meant to write a review of this season, like I did with the previous one, but by the time I could it would have been old news.  This season of Game of Thrones seems to have taken my criticisms to heart because this season was almost full fan service.  Uh...I wasn't actually asking for that but it was nice that the hero characters finally got some wins.  I do have some criticisms though but I can't do it without spoilers so....

SUDDEN MID POST SPOILER WARNING FOR GAME OF THRONES SEASON 6 IF YOU ARE NOT CAUGHT UP.  Highlight to read.

Despite loving the shit out of the scene, I can't help but think Dany giving Tyrion the roll of Hand of the Queen after he kinda fucked up the whole slave thing is a little generous.  Granted, Tyrion does come up with the plan to end the siege but it's still weird.  I LIKE THE SCENE.  Don't get me wrong.  It just feels off.

The Battle of the Bastards is kinda dumb.  Yeah, Ramsey gets killed for maximum fan service but there is little logic to that episode.  How does a wall of bodies form like that?  What was Ramsey's phalanx planning to do if that wall didn't happen?  Why are our heroes saved by last minute help again?  Almost every battle has been like that.  I know the story needs drama and good military planning would reduce that but come on.  I still like this season A LOT better than season 5 but one stand out there was Hardhome.  That episode has been this series best battle episode by far.

END SPOILERS.

Lady Mormont is the best....just FYI.  (Also, another spoiler).

And Now a Quick rundown of Other Media of 2016...

Pop Music...

I don't hate pop music in general.  There is some I really like but holy shit this year was godawful.  It's all slow jam EDM and, like, 3 dozen of them are from The Chainsmokers.  Adele had a few songs that were barely hits but they are seriously lower in quality compared to her previous work.  R&B was boring as hell this year doing almost exclusively slow jam club beats to be more like EDM.  Also, 21 Pilots got big for some reason and that band is fucking shit.

It's also a year that Lady Gaga returned and I don't think I heard a single one of her songs on pop radio (sorry UZ).  Just TRY to watch/listen to this list.  For 100 songs, why do 90 of them sound so similar?  Also, what happened to ripping the Black Eyed Peas for gratuitous auto-tune?  The auto-tune on these songs is out of control.  Seriously.  It's a fucking epidemic.

Indie (hipster) music...

It's hard to get a good list because indie songs can debut in different parts of the country (and world) years apart.  It's bizarre.  This makes me forced to cheat.

I really like the theme to the new Mirrors Edge despite not playing the game.

I like this cover of Depeche Mode for the Ghost in the Shell movie.  It's also a song I heard before the trailer.

And despite not personally liking this band, they are from Denver so props to Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats who seem like great dudes.  Two summers ago I saw Machine Gun Blues in his backyard in Denver.  It was awesome.

Obligatory Book Section...

Books of the year get sadly forgotten in a lot of year end lists so I'm including this just as a reminder.  Unfortunately, I only read a couple new books this year and neither were all that great.  (Yes literally two and yes I READ BOOKS).  I did re-read How to Fight Presidents though so I'll make that my book of the year despite coming out in 2014.  Weirdly....that title seems more poignant now.  I wonder why?

Youtube Channel of the Year...

Look at me!  I'm hip with the kids and including a Youtuber section!  I will probably break my hip doing this kick flip....okay but seriously.  This probably should be included right?  Stranger Things, a show only on Netflix, is my "TV" show of the year so why not?  Why do other media outlets not do this in their end of year lists?

I'm going with CGP Grey in 2016 cause his videos are great.  He doesn't upload nearly as fast as other channels but there is quite a bit of obvious research and production so I can't complain.  His best video is probably Americapox which came out in Nov, 2015 so I'm cheating a little here.  Still though, this year alone he had fantastic videos on encryption, brexit (briefly), split brain patients, and The Rules of Rulers which you should absolutely watch if you haven't already.  It's fantastic and simplifies structures of power in an easy to understand way.

I don't know how to end this post so bam!

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Favorite and Not Favorite Video Games of 2016 Sort Of

I totally wanted to do this for 2015 as well but I suddenly needed to move to another city in December which cut down on the time I had for writing.  So...each category, where applicable, I have included a 2015 version for shits and giggles.  

Ground rules: I must have played the game....that's it.  Here are the best, and a little bit of the worst, games of 2016.  

Game of 2016 That Came Out in 2016...

Overwatch

Review here.
Competetive Season One Thoughts here.
A super inaccurate beta impressions here.  (Don't read that).

Like it was going to be something else?  I typically shy away from multiplayer only games but this was too good to ignore.  The gameplay is really good even if the balance is still a little off (poor useless Bastion).  They added a much needed arcade mode for more casual stuff as well as making Quick Play more of a practice mode for Comp even though the entire rule set isn't the same yet.

The characters really sell it though, from inspiring to...lets say, thirsty.  For such a shitty 2016 for minorities and women, Overwatch has a ton of representation.  While three women follow typical sexy game models (Tracer, Mercy, and Widowmaker...though I guess she represents the blueish-purple skinned people), others don't.  Pharah is old school Samus from Metroid in full armor and that's just to start.  Ana is a grandmother, Mei is short and chunky (also, bae), and Zarya is a hero to beefcake women who might be Trans according to every fan theory.  Also, recently released Sombra has been welcomed with a ton of applause from the Hispanic community because holy shit.  What other Hispanic women characters can you name in video games?  Not a whole lot out there.

The dudes are all over the place too.  Roadhog looks like he weighs 1000 lbs, Junkrat is a scraggly fucker, Reinhardt is ancient, and some of them....are robots.  Lucio might be a BIT of a stereotype as a black DJ but how many also roller blade?  Yeah.  Exactly.

The only thing that might kill this game is the community.  Don't get me wrong, it's still mostly fine.  It's not toxic.  It's also popular enough that toxicity tends to be sort of rare.  But, that liiiiiittle bit always annoys me.  I work in service jobs.  My tolerance for asshats during my gaming time isn't that high and a big reason I stick to singleplayer games most of the time.  In the right mood, I can either laugh them off or talk shit right back IF they are directing their angst to me.  Other times, even when it's not directly at me but just the whole team, which is the most common, sometimes I'm just like nah.  Quit the game and open Civilization VI instead.  Wish that wasn't the case but what are you gonna do?

2015 version:  Life is Strange.

Review here
Criticism review here.

Still love this game.  Season 2 is gonna be weird with all new characters but hey, I'm down.

Almost every critical review of this game has a, "but I can't help but kind of love it" vibe.  Yeah.  I get ya.  It's rare to see a game revolve around a relationship, specifically between two teenage girls friendship/potentially romantic relationship depending on how you played it.  That...sounds like a dumb porn but trust me it's not.  It's sweet, and touching, and heartbreaking, and all those emotions David Cage wishes he could do in his games.  There is a layer of authenticity here in its characterization that is SUPER rare in video games and something I cherish.

Runner Up Game of 2016 That Came out in 2016...

Deus Ex:Mankind Divided.

Review here.
Story review here.
Microtransaction bullshit here.  Also, one of my least read things.  I make good arguments against this practice yo.

Despite all my bitching, I do really like this game.  I'm currently playing through it a second time to try a perfect stealth, no kill run (except for some scripted moments where you have to be seen).  It's going well but I'm not at the hard parts yet.

Most of my complaining was about this games pretty good story just hitting the wrong marks.  WELL...that was before heir Trump got elected so now....I'M NOT SO SURE.  I'm (sort of) kidding here as its themes don't really match its real world references but hey, they mostly don't match BECAUSE the previous game is one of my all time favorites.  On its own, it kind of works in a sick way.

2015 version:  Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain

Review here.
Quiet controversy here.
Spoiler filled hate fest here.

I'm seriously sick of talking about this game but 3 real quick points.  1.  The gameplay is phenomenal and I still stand by my position that this is the best stealth gameplay of all time.  2.  The story is bizarre while also being so unlike any other Metal Gear Solid story it will infuriate long time fans.  3.  Fuck Konami.

Best Game Of The Last Two Years Because I Played It In 2016 Despite Coming Out In 2015 And Yes, Better Than Overwatch...

Baddest ass picture ever

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt

Review Here......That is all I said about this fantastic game?!?!

I can not rave about this game enough.  I want to do a 11-20 favorite game post even though it gets kinda fuzzy after 15 and this one is seriously climbing the more I think about it.  First open world game I've loved.  Even in my review, my criticisms were pretty nitpicky which...I HAD TO DO because the game is that good.  One of the two non-nitpick complaints was about the oppressive number of random bullshit to do on the map but I remembered, "hey! I don't actually have to do all that if I don't want too"...so I didn't.  The other was about the absurd amount of running around needed for the crafting to work right but that's only if you want to get the best gear.  The main quests and secondary quests (which were given as much care as the main quests) were more than enough to still push this game over 60 hours on that stuff alone.  All the rest puts this game into marathon territory (I played 120 hours and still didn't do everything).

I want to talk about 3 things I didn't mention in the review.

1.  I have complained about the villain deficit in fiction a lot but the villains in this game are great.  Top to bottom!  Raid a bandit camp and afterward you will find a letter the bandit never got to send (because you murdered everyone) to his wife and kids.  It will say something about how this last robbery will let them be able to buy bread for a few weeks.  Augh...my heart breaks.  Why are you humanizing this game's version of Goombas game?  And at the top, even the main villains, the Wild Hunt, are sympathetic as fuck.  I still don't want to spoil it but trust me.  You kind of feel bad for them.

This game takes the M rating for real.  Instead of just for violence and bewbs (okay lets be fair, just bewbs) it actually deals with adult themes that younger players wouldn't notice or understand.  This game takes the phrase, "Nobody sees themselves as the villain", and makes it a trope.  It's great.  Granted, many of the monsters in the game are just fodder, but like I said in the review, even some of them are sympathetic and some question the idea of if they should even be considered monsters.  But, this is a choice orientated game.  You can choose to slay them, or not.  It's so fucking good.

2.  For a story with as much misery as this story has, this game is smart in taking time off and doing............borderline comic relief moments.  WAIT, wait, hear me out.  For being an emotionless Witcher, Geralt sure does have some sick one liners at times.  They even make fun of the ridiculous trailer to this game that seems out of character and WOW did they rush that scene out.  Also, there is a point in the game were Geralt decides to get drunk with his Witcher buddies.  Protip:  Go all the way.  Trust me.  Fun times happen.  Since this is a choice orientated game, there are times when you can quit drinking and you might think you should because the wife will get mad but I don't even care if this is a spoiler....it doesn't matter.  It won't effect anything.  Just go for it.

3.  There are a couple battle themes but Steel for Humans is fantastic battle music.

I don't have a 2015 version of this.  I just wanted to say Witcher 3 is the best game of 2015 and 2016!  It is that damn good.  I just happened to play it the year after release.  

Worst Game of 2016...

No Man's Sky

Review here.

I was skeptical of this game being like Spore in its promises but didn't want to be right and damnit...I was right.  (Yes, I will gloat about that).  But what is TRULY weird is that the game ended up being like Spore in design too.  The procedurally generated animals in the game do sort of look like Spore animals.  It's fucking bizarre.  I mean, sure, they are less penis shaped, but they are still a weird amalgamation of things....

....OH.  EXCEPT FOR SONIC.  LOVE HIM. * Best thing to come out of this game.  He just wants to go fast.....ahem, anyway.

*Why can't I embed your video bro?

I know a base building update recently came out which is super bizarre since the size of the universe makes back tracking nearly impossible.  You leave the planet you built that base on, gooooood fucking luck ever finding it again.  Also, why does so much of this game seem to rip off Subnautica, yet Subnautica still looks way better?

This game desperately needs a purpose.  It's an existential nightmare.  I think the reason so many of these survival crafting games never make it out of "Steam early access" is because they fail at, you know, THE POINT.  Why am I doing any of this?  I can play around with mechanics in a setting for a while but without a reason to do so, I get bored.  And for such a huge game world, this is one of the loneliest I've ever seen.  Why do the AI aliens suck so hard?  How was that part of the game fucked up so bad?  They're like 1990's (hell, maybe 80's) era PC adventure game NPCs.  They were not good then.  I just remember thinking, "Man, I can't wait for technology to advance to the point where these NPCs can walk around and be active and act like they exist".

I shouldn't dog pile so much on an indie developer that bit off more than it can chew but come on.  They bought into their own hype and over sold their product to an insane degree.  I'd love it if a indie game could compete with AAA games and....wait.  I forgot.  One already did.  It's called Minecraft.


Other Noteworthy Video Game Things:

Shockingly good soundtrack:  VA-11 HALL-A

I gotta course correct here.  In my review I linked to the soundtrack and picked the song that LEAST represents that game.  If anything, take one of my favorites, Every Day is Night.  Yeah it's poppy (no singing though if you are scared) but I dare your head not to start bopping.  I love the transition at 1:40.

I also really like Skyline, which has a slow start but it builds, and You've Got Me which I think is a re-work of the same song.  It sounds like an 80's love ballad.  It's great.

A Horror Game That Was Actually Scary:  Anatomy

While not nightmare inducing, I did distract myself with non-scary Youtube videos before going to bed.  I'm super bummed my stream of it kept quitting and also didn't record but I fixed the recording part at least.  It also made my wife wonder what the hell I was buying when I bought something from someone named "Kitty Horrorshow" on my checking account.

A Game I've Played A Lot But Can't Write a Review On:  Civilization VI

It's like any other Civ ever.  It's the same good game with minor adjustments here and there.  Don't fix what is not broken.  That said..

Probably Best Game I Didn't Play:  Firewatch

It's pretty up my alley.  It just didn't happen and I've seen so much of it I may not actually get around to it for a long time.  Also, 2015 version: Undertale

Two games inexplicably missing...

Back in January, I wrote about 5 games I looked forward to in 2016.*  I've played one of them, Deus Ex.  Two of them got delayed to 2017 (Mass Effect and Persona 5, both of which coming out near each other goddamnit) but what about the other two?

*"Year of Jason"....dude.  I think I've handled 2016 with a fuck ton of grace considering.

Mirrors Edge:Catalyst is still on the back burner and it might be there for a long while.  I got turned off from the constant "combat improvement" talk which I can't see without serious compromises to the parkour controls.  I also hate that it is a prequel since there was so much more to explore in the original game's universe.

Dishonored 2, despite being my Twitter header, is just too similar to Deus Ex (it's steampunk Deus Ex) and I'm not ready to play another stealth game.  Also, the PC launch was super rough so patches are nice.

Finally.

Oxenfree has been sitting on my hard drive for over a month now.  Part of me wants to stream it but my internet will probably make that impossible without constant interruptions.  Also, it's a story driven game so it's questionable how entertaining that would be for people.  I dunno.  I'll likely just play it on my own.

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Other best/worsts of 2016 coming soon.

Westworld Season One Review

I avoided spoilers but there is a spoiler section at the bottom.  Be warned.

In the same year that I FINALLY stopped watching The Walking Dead, a show that I spent watching seasons of wondering, "do I like this show?", I found a new one to take its place.  Westworld, for better or worse, is also a show that I'm not sure if I like or not.  These are not identical opinions though as I've long disliked The Walking Dead and kept watching thinking it would get better.  Westworld, I like so far, but part of me is trying to talk me out of it.  Zombie jadedness is also a problem but Westworld doesn't have to deal with that.  Instead, we get a pretty interesting premise that also likes to scratch an itch of mine; emergent AI.  Westworld might actually be the...emergentiest of emergent AI stories as well since this is one of the few stories where the AI is sympathetic and not Terminator/Matrix robots.

Westworld is the name of a wild west style park filled with life like robots called "hosts".  The super rich can pay to go into the park and do, whatever really.  Kill the hosts, have sex with them, whatever.   There are even narratives built in so that a guest can go bounty hunting, get in large battles with Civil War soldiers, and even PG stuff like, painting. The hosts are programmed to go on a loop until a guest interacts with them in which they can lead them on one of these narratives or just kind of do whatever the guest wants too.  The hosts are given personalities so some are more willing to go along with a guest than others but it is all part of the illusion.  

Horses are also robots

The rules of this universe are cleverly shown in the first episode. Hosts can't harm guests (sorta).  If a host shoots a guest, nothing happens except for a...bullet (?) bouncing off the guest.  Guests can go white hat or black hat if they wanna play a hero or villain or bounce back and forth (this is used mostly as a framing device though).  They arrive via train in the main town of Sweetwater, which is supposedly the least extreme part of the park even though a giant shootout/robbery takes place there like once a week or something.  

The first episode establishes the rules so well it's almost TOO WELL and begs questions.  What about guests harming other guests?  We never see one shoot another but they certainly kick the shit out of each other.  Even the hosts can beat up on guests, some of which actually knock out the guest.  How much harm is allowed?  Every time that happens though it seems like guests have some sort of Wolverine style healing going on (broken arms are fixed quickly) yet this is never explained.  Also, I'm not sure if the guns are real and shooting real bullets or not.  There is some sci-fi staple rules that got ignored here.  How does this technology work?  

The other half of the setting is the lab/park control center/employee housing/resort (???).  It's stylized for effect rather than logic.  For some reason, the lab has dozens of basements that have little to no lighting (people go down there with flashlights) and those floors seem to be leaking water everywhere.  This company can build a cutting edge park with advanced AI but can't hire a plumber?  And why is everything so dark?  Even the main labs seem lit with 20 watt light bulbs and yes I know that isn't a thing.  

But damn does it look cool.

The characters of this show are all over the map.  Westworlds main protagonist, Dolores, is a host and the primary emergent AI robot.  Evan Rachel Wood does well with a plodding plot and with writing bordering of pretentious.  Her character spends most of the season confused and wandering while having flashes of badassery.  I hate that so much of this season has her be kind of a foil for the viewer rather than a character in her own right but the finale makes it look like she might finally come out of her shell after 10+ fucking hours.  

The other characters in the park is a guest named William, who spends most of the time being a dweeb, and his friend/co-worker Logan, who is an asshole.  The show makes it clear we are supposed to root for William but he's soooooo boring.  Then there is the Man in Black, played by Ed Harris, who is super fun to watch because it really looks like Harris was having a ball playing a sadistic yet cool headed monster.  He's a villain black hat guest who spends the entire season looking for a mysterious maze.  There is also a host named Meave, who is great, and also an awakening AI.  She is a...what's the word for a boss prostitute?  Not a pimp.  Madam?  Anyway, it's a sort of brothel/saloon (she has to pay for drinks so she doesn't own the establishment) but she spends half of her screen time in the lab.  She is kind of an anti-thesis to Dolores' own emergent AI, often being more pragmatic and self interested.   Oh...and there is also Teddy, another host, who spends a lot of his time getting killed.

Uh...lady of the house?  Madam of the night?  Queen bee - no that's Missy Elliot.

The lab characters include corporate board members Theresa and later, Charlotte, who are boring business ladies with maybe a dark side?  OOOooooOOoo.  Bernard is one of our main lab characters who is one of the lead programmers of the hosts.  Jeffery Wright puts in a great performance playing Bernard despite his character often getting saddled with paint drying pacing.  Bernard has not one but TWO major twists happen to his character (arguably three!) in separate episodes that could have been easily combined into one.  Other lab characters include Elsie who I loved despite limited screen time and Felix who is barely a character.  He spends the season doing things because he is scared and that is literally it (see spoiler section).  

Then, there is Robert Ford, played by Anthony fucking Hopkins.  Ford is the most fleshed out character in the entire season and one of the biggest question marks about this entire show.  

Or Hopkins made him the most fleshed out character.  I'm not entirely sure.

For example, the hosts are always repaired if not completely rebuilt if they are killed.  They get their programmed minds back, have their recent memories erased, and sent back into the park.  Guests, meanwhile, can't be killed so...everything that happens in the park lacks stakes.  This is an action drama where nobody can die so the story is entirely reliant on mysteries, particularly, the self-actualizing AI's.  

Ford complicates things because he is basically God.  He can control every host in the park with seemingly a thought.  He created the park (with a missing partner named Arnold who is this metaphorical ghost influencing the hosts) and the board of directors of the parent company that owns the park wants him out.  It's tricky though because the company thinks if they fire him, he will just destroy the hosts code with his god like powers.  Only he knows every detail of the code and not even Bernard knows as much.  Also, Ford continuously talks about his "new narrative" without giving the viewer any details and this drags through the entire season.  

It's a great thing they got Hopkins to play him because Ford is neither hero nor villain through the season.  Okay, without spoiling anything, he leans more villain but the company also seems evil so who knows?  Outside of Delores and Bernard, no character seems totally in one category or the other, either due to good characterization (Ford, Maeve) or bad (William, Theresa, Charlotte and several others).  Ford, as god, is practically the only character with any agency.  He is the only character that can progress the plot and why he is present in almost every episodes final scene.  

I don't know if it's the Hannibal in him never leaving but he's still creepy.

This is a problem and why I have a hard time nailing down this show.  How do you have an ensemble cast with only one character who can change anything?  Every one else seems to sort of wait for things to happen, have things happen to them, or in the case of the Man in Black, go on a goose chase that Ford can manipulate.  Everyone seems to be puppets of Ford.  Everyone.  So the amount of self-actualizing from the hosts coming from a part of themselves, or from Ford bestowing it onto them* is questionable and undermining one of the shows strongest themes.

*Yes, yes, I know.  Spoiler section.

The show spends about 0.78 Ghost in the Shell's worth of discussing consciousness.  It's less about if the hosts are "alive" but if they have consciousness.  Memories are a recurring theme, almost oppressively so, as Dolores and Maeve start to remember previous versions of themselves.  Ford seems either incapable, or unwilling, to fix this "glitch" found early on in the season (feel free to draw more God parallels there) yet is still capable of bending them to his will.  Ford spends a lot of time going on expository monologues that sometimes diverge into heady philosophical stuff....but so much of it seems off (spoiler section again).  

The season spends a lot of time building up to its finale and while the payoff is quite good, I can't help but think some of that could have been spread out.  Things do happen in the season but so much of it has so little consequence that it feels like filler.  There are a couple exceptions, one of which isn't even confirmed until episode 9 (spoiler sectiooooon), but every story line and every character seems delayed until Ford says it is okay.  The finale shows promise that a season 2 will be better paced now that shit got real, but it was a drag to watch this show on some episodes.  

Luckily I like Ghost in the Shell which can drag on and on and ON with philosophical cyberpunk debates about AI until anything actually happens so this wasn't a big deal breaker for me.  Still though, Westworld needs to spend more time having the plot move forward and less time pondering what it all means.

The Walking Dead is brought down by awful characters, hack writing, forced conversations, and repeated plots but has great set pieces and at least its repeated plots usually didn't stall (except the first half of season 2).  Westworld has some good characters, others that haven't been given a chance, and others that are boring.  The writing is usually good but will occasionally bog down as the show wants to show a character but not have them actually do anything that progresses the plot.  Still though, that plot, as slow as it was, was consistent and should drastically change next season.  There is a lot more to work with here than with "survive zombies and bad people".  

SPOILER SECTION BELOW.

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LAST WARNING.  SPOILER SECTION

I have a point for each (spoiler section) above plus some more thoughts.

1.  Felix is a balls character.  He spends most of the season making slight variations of this face...

...with surprisingly little dialogue.  "He gets scared from Maeve then does everything she asks."  I just wrote the characterization for Felix.  

Also, I liked Elsie.  Too bad she got killed off so fast.  She is the thing I mentioned as not being confirmed until episode 9.  It would have been nice to have her around though.  We have next to nobody on the lab side worth rooting for now except Bernard.

2.  When Ford talks about the hidden brain behind God in the "God creating Adam" painting, it's pretty much the only explanation we get that Ford did not influence the AI self-actualization.  I think he may have aided Bernard by allowing him to see all his memories, but he always seemed to have doubts.  Was the realization that Arnold was right, that the AI had achieved, or was going to achieve, consciousness known from the start of the show?  Or, did Ford come to this realization during the season?  That I don't know.....BUT....

3.  In the finale it is shown that Maeve's whole escape storyline was written by Ford.  Maeve does seem to still be his puppet even though she claims everything was her own choices.  Her deciding to get off the train and go look for her daughter might be her only real choice.  (This is some messing with free will, Ghost in the Shell stuff with this story all of a sudden.  I hope this is explored more even if Ford is dead).  Maeve WAS aided by Ford.  So, that begs the question....was Dolores too?

4.  Yes point 2 and 3 contradict but I think it was on purpose.  I wonder if Ford's plans are so influencing that they continue even after his death.  

5.  Remember security dude (the guy who was friends with Elsie) who got jumped by the Ghost Nation in episode 9?  Think he's dead?

6.  The William is the Man in Black twist didn't completely shock me as I read about the fan theory before it happened.  Still, that was poorly foreshadowed in characterization.  William shows villain style tendencies far too late.  

7.  Finally, about Dolores and William's adventures.  It appears that she was physically walking through the park, hallucinating her previous memory of William.  How much of what she said to William was her just talking to a ghost and how much of it did she actually say to William?  Considering the time difference between the William we see, and the Man in Black, Dolores may have been hearing Arnold's voice and have been searching for him for decades.  If that is the case, how did nobody notice?  Did Ford hide this?  If what she says is just her talking to a ghost and she didn't actually say those things in her real memory, then this point is moot but I don't think that is the case.  AND, when Dolores forgot about William, how was her AI self-actualization journey delayed? 

The Phantom Pain of Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain.

Back to more ultimately pointless stuff.  Thanks for letting me go personal in the last post...wait a sec.  This is my blog (mostly).  I'll write what I want.

Spoilers for Metal Gear Solid 5 and pretty much the entire Metal Gear Solid franchise.  I'm writing this mostly for people who have never played MGS before and probably never will.  I may get some details wrong in previous games because it has been a while since I've played them and this is one of the hardest stories in all of fiction to understand completely.  

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Is...is this what the subtitle meant by "The Phantom Pain"?  I mean, it can't be right?  I am writing about this game a third time since nearly 15 months after I played it.  Was this....intentional?

Wait.  Let me back up.  

I've played many games since I played MGSV, several of them better than this fucking game, yet I can't stop thinking about it.  I will try to write something else and end up listening to this games 80's  soundtrack while looking at that fucking art work on the Youtube video and fuck this fucking franchise.  There are much better games out there and I've played them yet, this sticks with me so much.  I think it's because I mostly glossed over the ending in my review and haven't really taken the time to exercise my feelings on the conclusion to this franchise.  But why do I care so much?  Well...

I'm a Metal Gear Fanboy.  Metal Gear Solid, the first one on Playstation, basically kick started my love of stealth action games.  After renting the game from Blockbuster, I ended up buying it with allowance money and remember thinking "THIS IS THE MOST EPIC VIDEO GAME STORY OF ALL TIME....but I don't understand any of it."  I originally chalked it up to be being a dumb kid but then the sequels came out and the story just got weirder.  By the time Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots came out, I didn't really care anymore.  I ended up playing the game YEARS later though and I was sucked right back in and was more confused then ever.

MGS4's story is all the other MGS games in a blender and maxed to 11.

Metal Gear Solid 5 is probably the most straight forward story out of any MGS game, which is saying something because it is still melodramatic and convoluted to all hell.  But, it kind of had to be as this game revolves around the single most important character in the entire universe, Big Boss.  MGS5 takes place pretty early in the timeline, after MGS3: Snake Eater, Peace Walker, and directly after Ground Zeroes.*  This means that MGS5 is the "missing link" (it was even advertised this way) to how Big Boss went from the charming, charismatic hero of the early games, to the series main villain.  Basically, it's the story of Darth Vader in the Star Wars Prequels but with...better (??) writing.

*I didn't play Peace Walker because it was only on the PSP and I never owned one.  I also didn't play Ground Zeroes because I didn't want to pay $60 for it, waited for a sale, then just kind of forgot about it.  What kind of fanboy am I?

So, how does MGS5 show how "Men become Monsters"?  How does MGS5 show Big Boss's decent into madness?  How does MGS5 show the hero of Peace Walker turn into a future war criminal?

 By being smug as fuck?

Well, by not doing it.  It doesn't.  At all.  This game is not that story.

The final real story mission is a repeat of the very first mission in the hospital only with Big Boss remembering the details differently.  He also gets an audio tape informing you that the person you are playing isn't actually Big Boss.  You're the medic from Ground Zeroes who has had plastic surgery and brainwashing to believe they are the real Big Boss.  You are Big Boss's body double.  You are his "phantom".  The real Big Boss is absent from most of this game.

HAHAHA fuck me right!?!  Like, what if in the Revenge of the Sith you find out Anakin isn't actually who you think he is and Darth Vader is actually this fucking guy...

I honestly forgot about the eye patch lol.

...only with more meta story like "we all created the legend that is Big Boss."  We did?  He's the fucking villain by the end of the story!  What kind of compliment is that Kojima?  "Big Boss can be anybody"?  Fuck I sure hope not.  Damn this story is bleak suddenly.

But....get this.  This plot twist only exists to fix a plot hole from a game released 29 years ago.  Big Boss is killed in the very original Metal Gear, that here in the states was only on the NES, and then killed again in Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake.  Yes, these games are fucking canon because yet again, I remind you, Hideo Kojima is a crazy person.  Turns out that first Big Boss wasn't actually him but a body double.  What the fuck is it with this series and clones.*

*For those that don't know.  Solid Snake, the hero of MGS and MGS4, some of MGS2 and 3 as well, is a clone of Big Boss.  So are his brothers, Liquid Snake and Solidus Snake, both villains in the series, which is lacking in soldiers named Snake.  Also, they all look different for whatever reason I don't care.

Now that more time has passed since I finished this game, to be honest, this is the least of the problems with the goal of this story.  I'm...no longer that pissed about the twist.  I still hate it, but if this twist never happened, there are bigger issues here.  If this story is to actually be what the marketing for this game led us to believe, Big Boss's fall to the dark side, then it was a tall order.  In no specific order, the fake Big Boss does the following:

1. Fights a terrorist named Skull Face who is far worse.
2. Can, *optional*, play almost the entire game non-lethal.
3. Saves POW's that are not his own.
4. Fights other terrorist groups around the world in the "dispatch missions".
5. Saves child soldiers.  (yes there are child soldiers in this game I forgot to mention that in the review).
6. And in the multiplayer, can steal nukes, and destroy them (required for another ending).

To be fair, stealing nuclear weapons are usually villain territory

I mean...holy shit.  Most protagonists don't have rap sheets this good. He does what he can to rid the world of nuclear weapons?  He rescues child soldiers?  The fuck does he do to become a demon?

To be fair, the game tries a little.  The meta narrative is pretty fucked.  You build your army, the Diamond Dogs, by capturing prisoners and enemy soldiers, who then sit in your jail until they agree to switch sides.  Why?  How?  I assume torture because Big Boss's inner circle loves to torture.  You even torture Quiet at one point because that inner circle never fully trusts her and she too used to work for the enemy.  

Speaking of Quiet, she's really the only character to get a full story arc.  One of the final story missions is entirely about her and she gets to have a moment so awesome and so hated because that mission was buggy as shit and I died on it like 20 times.  Ignoring the "can't kill the last tank bug", that mission is pretty awesome and she saves fake Big Boss's life by significantly reducing hers.*

*She speaks to save Big Boss.  She is "quiet" because she has a parasite from Skull Face that will kill her if she speaks English.  That is partially why she is mostly naked.  Uh....I know you have questions but just go with it.

Kojima likes weird porn.

The other characters are bland which is really odd for a Metal Gear game.  Skull Face wants to rule the world mostly because he hates Big Boss's boss, Zero, and for no other real reason.  (Zero, by the way....fuck it.  Never mind).  Kazuhira Miller, who is in the inner circle is fine.  He's mostly just an exposition dump and spends roughly 25% of the game hating the shit out of Quiet.  Then there is Revolver Ocelot*, also in the inner circle.  Ocelot is now a walking encyclopedia on MGS lore and a tutorial dude.  The fuck happened to him?  His personality is missing.  Ocelot is a nutjob and one of the weirdest and most extreme characters in the series.  Why is he completely neutered?  Also, why is he good friends with Big Boss, including the real one, when the last time we saw them they were trying to kill each other in MGS3?  (For those that know....yes.  I know, I know.  Zero demanded it but that doesn't explain being BFF's.  They just have to work together).

*Ocelot is the best example of how insane this franchise's story is.  Just for kicks, here is a list of all the organizations Revolver Ocelot has worked for in no particular order.  And yes, many of these organizations where opposed to the others on this list.  Dude wasn't loyal to anybody, except to Big Boss for no reason.

• The Philosophers
• CIA
• KGB
• GRU (that's basically just a different KGB).
• The Patriots
• Diamond Dogs
• FoxHound
• Sons of Big Boss
• Sons of Liberty
• Outer Heaven

So it makes some odd sort of Kojima sense that the Big Boss you play as isn't really Big Boss.  All the characters seem incomplete.  Even Eli (who the game desperately tries to red herring the player by saying his DNA does not match Big Boss's but it wouldn't because your not him so Eli is totally pre-teen Liquid Snake) has a grudge against you for no real reason.  How he knows who his father is (who actually isn't his father) is beyond me.  His kingdom of the flies gets taken away because he and his soldiers were child soldiers or were kind of allied to Skull Face.  So near the end of the game Eli STEALS the Metal Gear and fucks off to Outer Heaven I guess cause we never hear from Eli/Liquid Snake again until then.*

*There was supposed to be one final mission where Big Boss fights Eli in the Metal Gear and destroys it but Eli escapes with pre-teen Psycho Mantis.  This would have been a much better ending.

Not surprised this game found a way to shoehorn in Psycho Mantis.  

So having a body double is the meaning to the subtitle, The Phantom Pain.  But...is it?  Hideo Kojima said himself that the player would feel a lasting phantom pain from Skull Face's absence in the story early on (aaaaaand I can't find the source so, call this "hearsay").  Um...I guess?  Was there some early stuff that happened that I should have thought in hindsight, "Oh!  Did Skull Face do that?  That's amazing!"  Because if there was, I don't have the slightest clue what that could be.  

The phantom pain motif is only felt intentional in a few places.  One is the mission where you have to kill your own soldiers.  They get sick, are put into quarantine, you find a vaccine for those that haven't gotten sick but those already sick are doomed.  You get into the quarantine, it looks like a Raccoon City lab in Resident Evil, some soldiers are going mad murdering people, but most are just regular sick.  Only a few of them are a direct threat.  Some you shoot in their sleep.  Some take it like weird champs.  Others...well some even plead not to kill them.  I'm talking on their knees begging.  It's....a fucked up scene.  And, these are all soldiers you recruited kidnapped to join your cause so it's like actually destroying your inventory, but you know, with, people.  

It's also felt after finishing the last story mission about Quiet.  She leaves your squad...forever.  Also, the Paz sub-story is pretty heart wrenching but I didn't play Ground Zeroes so I dunno.  (Paz is just a figment of Big Boss's imagination in this game.  His lingering guilt over her death, so to speak).  

But what can't, I repeat, CAN NOT be intentional is the Phantom Pain I feel over this game and series as a whole.  This game makes me feel like I'm missing some "ah ha" moment where all this nonsense suddenly comes together.  If this franchise is basically about the life and death of Big Boss, how come I know so little about him?  (Or Zero for that matter?).  This game was supposed to fill in some much needed blanks and it did not deliver.  

Is....is The Phantom Pain a troll move by Kojima?  The meta plot twist of "we are all Big Boss" is a pretty trollish move.  Is Kojima thinking to himself, "Dude.  The fans of this series, I love you guys, but ya'll take this WAY too seriously."  The more I think about it, the more if feels like it is.  Fuck me right?

I still like the game as a whole.  I still like the franchise.  With this games troubled development, part of me can't help but wonder if this phantom pain after playing it is an accident.  Very little of this franchise seems accidental though.  Just the slight idea of the phantom pain I feel for this game might actually be intentional, a. blows my mind because I know I'm not alone and b. is ridiculous.  This is a game where I can make my horse poop on command, distract guards by wearing a cardboard box with a pin-up lady painted on it, and features a Skelator in a suit and cowboy hat who is perfectly fine with everyone calling him Skull Face. This shouldn't happen.

He looks like he should be hunting He-Man in the Wild West.  

There is....one last thing that might be intentional about this and it does hurt.  Everybody knows about the fall out between Kojima and Konami.  While "The Phantom Pain" was MGS5's subtitle for years, what if Kojima knew the end was coming.  It's reported that MGS5 is one of the most expensive games ever made, rumored to have been $80 million.  What if "The Phantom Pain' is knowing a franchise, with a 29 year long running continuity, has come to an end.  Metal Gear will continue to live on as pachinko machines and pachi slots, but the epic series is finally over.  Shitty ending or not, this is what we are left with.

The game actually started with a Nietzsche quote...

Tiny print.  It says, "Facts do no exist, there are only interpretations."

...and so too with the meaning behind The Phantom Pain.  

Or, Kojima is still trolling us.  Fuck me.  This game is for babies.  

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