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Saturday, June 18, 2016

X-Men: Apocalypse Review (Spoilers).



I wasn't going to write about this movie but I'm surprised to see a lot of "It wasn't THAT bad" opinions going on.  May I present, a dissenting opinion.

IT WAS GREAT!

Ha, just kidding, this movie sucks.

I really liked X-Men: Days of Future Past for two reasons.  It mixed the old cast with the new in a "this is not entirely fan service" kind of way, and it retconned the godawful X3: The Last Stand.  (Christ even the title of that movie is shit).  It was also an enjoyable all around movie with solid themes, good acting....etc.  But yeah, it fucked up the continuity of the X-Men movies so badly that it's starting to rival its own source material.

Now X-Men: Apocalypse comes along, decides to fuck with the continuity even more, and just lose all sense of what made previous X-Men movies good.  Hell, the X-Men movies have been better at villains than Marvel's total control of the MCU, so it had that going for it too.

Apocalypse is a villain I've wanted to see in a "Marvel" movie mostly because I think Marvel villains have been terrible so far.  (Along with Thanos and Venom.....What? What are you talking about?  Venom has not been featured in a Spider-Man movie yet.  I THINK I would have remembered that).  I mean, Whiplash?  Yuck.  Red Skull?  Nazi.  Loki?  Daddy issues.  Ultron?  Stupid.  Fuckin Baron Zemo?  He's in Civil War.....I guess.  The Sam Raimi Spider-Man movies?  They all personally know Peter Parker and are defeated by their own hubris.  Even Venom......SHIT.

Apocalypse in X-Men: Apocalypse desperately needed a monologue.  For reals.  Yeah he has one while launching all the nukes into space but it's just "I'm evil bow before me mere mortals for I am the one true god blah blah blah."  He always had a....genocidal tone in the comics and was pro eugenics and.....yeah okay.  Can't really go there without an R rating but you know what I mean.  This was diet Apocalypse.

Captain Grumpy Pants.

Also, his ability to grow into kaiju size only happened in his mind fight with Xavier.  Lame.

I have more issues with the rest of the characters.  It was obvious Jennifer Lawrence wanted nothing to do with this.  She was not going to put on that blue make-up for more than 3 scenes tops.  The dialogue had to point this out and Mystique's reasons for not being blue were "I'm hiding"....."despite also being the Mutant and Proud person that a lot of people look up too and saved a president and  mutants are more accepted in this time why am I doing this?"  It's dumb as shit and flies in the face of her character.  There is no reason for Mystique to be here other than, it happens to be Jennifer Lawrence.  Apocalypse should have disintegrated her.

The new-ish characters are fine.  I liked Sansa Stark as Jean Grey.  Cyclopes kid was fine (I don't care enough to look up his name).  But....why did the movie spend so much time establishing these characters when we already know who they are?  It was a ton of wasted time and I find it funny that the basics where explained, but Jean Grey's Dark Phoenix bullshit is glossed over?????  What the fuck?  That was cheap, cheap, cheap.  I don't even care if that is a spoiler.  Fuck that noise.

Miss Grumpy Pants.

This movie commits a cardinal sin in being boring.  Nothing happens for an extremely long time so that new characters, who are also old characters, can get backstory.  New characters who are not old characters, like Psylocke, gets maybe three lines of dialogue and....thanks for stopping by I guess.  Also, she's the only one who is still evil in the end in case fuck it.  I don't care.  Angel, who is sorta old but that movie got retconned, is a douche and MIA at the end.  Storm is fine and oddly enough, I LIKE this characterization of her.  Funny how we get a cool Storm character now that Halle Berry has nothing to do with her.  I'd watch that spinoff.

The two big ones, Xavier and Magneto, are fine.  James McAvoy is my favorite as I don't think he's ever been in a bad role (Yeah I liked Wanted fucking fight me).  Micheal Fassbender can do almost no wrong, that one wrong being Prometheus which fuck that movie while I have a chance to say so.  Xavier is basically the Professor X we all know and love finally.....which has the downside of making him boring.  Yes he rekindles his love with Moira but come on.....

APOCALYPSE DOESN'T HAVE HIS POWER AND THAT'S WHY HE WANTS TO SWITCH INTO HIS BODY YET XAVIER LOSES IN THE MIND FIGHT?!?!? Did everybody miss this?  The mind battle is in Apocalypse's head, I think, even though it shows the school and Jean Grey jumps in.  Xavier gets his ass kicked because, apocalypse is better at everything, but in the universe this CANNOT HAPPEN.  It's the reason Magneto wears a helmet.  Xavier should have been able to jump into Apocalypse's head and immediately put him into a coma.  How can Apocalypse fight Xavier in his own head, or if it is actually in Xaviers head, IF HE DOESN'T HAVE THE SAME POWER GODDAMNIT this is stupid.  Literally every other mutant and human has no control over Xaviers god like powers.*

*There is a distance thing hence Cerebro and the airport scene in Days of Future Past, but Xavier is close enough to the battlefield one would think.  Actually, he's in the Blackbird....which is doing what during that final fight?

Magneto is okay but weird.  Did anybody really see him trying to live a quiet life in Poland after Days of Future Past?  Yeah.  No.  Also, Apocalypse bringing him to Auschwitz was a little on the nose.  Plus....what exactly was he doing during that final fight?  Ripping up the earth from Cairo to...destroy Cairo only?  Or was this Man of Steel like terraforming the entire Earth which by how long it was taking, would have taken years.  I assume he was building Apocalypse's base in which to launch his wars but....this is dumb.  And in that final, FINAL fight when he betrays Apocalypse, why is he still throwing earth at him instead of dropping a building on him?  You know, like the baseball stadium he picked up IN THE LAST MOVIE.

First Lieutenant Grumpy Pants.

This movie is a mess.  It's boring.  Nothing makes narrative sense.  The movie makes a big deal out of Xavier going bald (wha????????).  Cerebro is AGAIN used against the X-Men.  Jean Grey doesn't try to murder everybody when going full Phoenix.  Nightcrawler is on the team when nobody knows who he is in X2.  There is a Wolverine cameo......I ALMOST FORGOT.

That whole Stryker detour is there only to justify a Wolverine cameo and it's bullshit.  Why is this scene in the movie?  It has nothing to do with Apocalypse, it REALLY fucks up the continuity even more, it should have been cut for a shorter less boring movie, and even the actors seemed to be spinning their wheels.  The writing in the Weapon X scene is fucking garbage.  Nobody can use their powers on the helicopter because of a MacGuffin and NOBODY sees the stowaways just hanging out in the back?  Get, the, fuck, out, movie.  Jean Grey can't hide them there.  She can't!  ITS IN THE MOVIES OWN RULES I AM NOT NITPICKING.  And when they do get to the base, still nobody finds them until they have already tried to open the cell door.  (There isn't a camera pointed at THAT door?  Really?).  Also, that base is in Canada.  How did they get home?  Also, also, at the end of Days of Future Past, it's shown that Mystique is impersonating Styker WHY?  Fuckin.....what.....why?  That went no where.  No, fucking, where!!!!!!!!!

This makes me "General Grumpy Pants".

This movie isn't quite as bad as X3: The Last Stand but it tries.  It really tries.  A for effort.  It's funny that Days of Future Past would bring so much hope to a franchise that really only wanted to fix that one movie and do nothing else.  Why even tease Apocalypse if you're not going to give a shit about it?*  Bryan Singer made X-Men good, left it, X-men got shitty until the very underrated First Class, then Singer came back, made one good movie, then made it shit again.  This franchise needs an extended break.  Maybe then, somebody can make a fucking X-Men movie with Gambit in it.

*Here is a nitpick.  Why did the movie completely abandon the Age of Apocalypse storyline from the comics?  I know they didn't want to use more time travel, even though the comics treat time travel like a drunk starting a knife throwing circus act with his wife, but why not?  If the movies wanted to stay grounded, which they did a very poor job of in this movie, while also not giving a shit about continuity, what's the point?  Why not go all out?  Make a movie that is nothing but alternate timeline shit.  I'm not saying this would make a good movie, but there is potential for a better one.

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3 Footnotes:

1.  The Quicksilver scenes were cool.  I'm not entirely sure how he found out Magneto was his dad but that is the least of my complaints.

2.  I could sum up this movie in one sentence.  "Jubilee has a cameo and doesn't even shoot any fucking fireworks".  It's perfect.  She's in the movie for Jubilee fans, all two of them, then doesn't even get to show her power.

3.  X-Men movies ranked, including spinoffs.

Deadpool (I'm counting it).
X2: X-Men United (dumb name)
X-Men: First Class.
X-Men
X-Men: Days of Future Past
The Wolverine

big drop.

Wolverine: Origiiiiii.....hmmmm, wait.

X-Men: Apocalypse
Wolverine: Origins (forgot how bad this was)
That time I shit my pants and it looked like Magneto's helmet.
X3: The Last Stand.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Gone Home Review



Back in 2013, critical indie darling Gone Home was released to an unsuspecting public, and professional game reviewers ate it up.  They ate it up so much in fact, that it won Game of the Year in many outlets despite being a year with many heavyweight contenders.  The Last of Us, Bioshock Infinite, and a really big one, Grand Theft Auto 5 (on last gen consoles at least) all released that same year.  This, of course, infuriated many a man baby because Gone Home is not a game.*

*Also it has two lesbian characters and a significant amount of feminist themes in it which I'm sure had nothing to do with it.

Gone Home is the king of "non-game" games because of its notoriety.  (I don't want to rehash this stupid argument, but I've already talked about this.)  While I never really had much interest in buying the game, I was always a little curious what the big deal is and the console version came up for free on PS+.  It was a fine 2 hours spent.

You play as Kate, a 18-21-ish year old girl who has returned home from a trip to Europe only to find her parents and her younger sister Sam missing.  It is also a new house to her as her family moved while she was away due to inheriting a mansion from a mysterious relative.  On the front door is a note from Sam saying NOT to go looking for her and the game is trying to piece together what happened while you were away.

I've been very pro "mystery without combat game" as a budding new genre.  It's a great idea for a video game without having to resort to violence, puzzle solving, or simulations.*  Well, it's still kinda puzzle solving, but this is more cerebral.  The reward is in the story and completely independent of gameplay.  In Gone Home, the mystery is set up just fine....even if the payoffs are a bit lame.

*Nothing is wrong with any of those kinds of games by the way.  I just like to see different styles of games.

Don't get me wrong, Gone Home's story is good.  I wouldn't call it GOTY good though and story is mostly all the game has going for it since its gameplay is very scaled down.  It relies heavily on a bait-and-switch trope that doesn't sit right with me.  The game is basically like a horror game but without any horror.  This is set up with its world building and its mechanics.

Starting with the latter, this game plays like Amnesia: The Dark Decent. Seriously. You don't have a sprint or anything like that, but you can pick up and examine almost any object in the game.  It surprisingly has a physics engine, albeit, a budget one.  You progress through the game by picking up certain objects and reading certain letters that will trigger a voice over journal entry from Sam.  This uh....this also happens in Amnesia, only this time the journal entries from Sam are written FOR our protagonist and gradually tells you the story.  Also, just like many indie horror games, you progress through the house via a forced linear path.  Going in, I thought the house would be open but instead doors are locked and require finding a key, forcing you down a linear path so that the story is told in the correct order.

Features of the story and ambiance also create a horror game feel.  It's at night, you have to turn all the lights on, there is a raging storm outside with thunder and lightning, floor boards will creak, the house will settle, and so on.  Even though I KNOW I'm not playing a horror game, I can't help but put down something I'm reading and slowwwly check behind me every now and then.  Also, the mansion was owned by an eccentric weirdo, Sam's classmates refer to it as the "psycho house", Sam and her girlfriend routinely go ghost hunting, the house has hidden passageways, and other spooky things.  There is even a late game spooky thing that bait-and-switched the ending for me (see spoiler section below).

Because of the games weird reliance on horror tropes, without a single jump scare or monster, the story feels a little disconnected.  The story itself is good but it feels like it should have been in a different environment.  I'm not sure the end game feels I got were the ones intended by the developer.  Or it they were intended....okay????  (Again, spoiler section below).

However, for a 4 person dev team, this game is pretty phenomenal.  I never had any technical issues and the art design was on point.  Taking place in 1994, I loved all the little 90's nostalgia in the game from Kurt Cobain, Sonic Youth, SNES cartridges, Trapper Keepers, hand written mail, postcards, those stupid halogen lamps that everybody owned in the 90's, and even....TV static.  (Why am I nostalgic over that....?).  The game looks really good for such a small team.  It's also very cohesive, which is probably a benefit of small teams rather than large ones, and its narrative isn't muddied by information overload.  It's obvious what is important and what is "hey remember this from the 90's?".

And....yeah I'm pretty much out of things to say that isn't a spoiler.  I liked the game okay but I don't think it's great and especially not a GOTY contender.  It's OBVIOUS why it was a critical darling now that I played it though.  It talked about themes rarely in video games, it was made by a small team nobody really knew anything about, it had a solid narrative, and it looks hell of a lot better than the crap on Steam Greenlight.  For all those reasons, I liked it too, even with its tone issue, and it certainly isn't a game worth getting annoyed about.

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SPOILER SECTION BELOW which I recommend reading even if you haven't played the game because I doubt many of you actually will play this game.  Also, the ending is the part I wanted to write about the most.

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The games narrative is primarily focused on Sam, the only character with voice over, and the parents.

The father is a semi-successful novelist, who hits a rough patch, but then finds his niche with a specialty publisher.  He has some issues in his relationship with the mother.  The mother is a park ranger who has the hots for a co-worker and it ooooohhhh so close comes to a full on affair until it's revealed the dude has a fiance and the mother turns down a wedding invitation late in the game
(showing her "what the hell am I doing" sense).  The mother and the father leave on some sort of couples retreat to rekindle the love and such.  That is why the parents are gone.

I do think the game does a good job at handling their sub-story.  It's given a very humanistic tone that isn't afraid to show the wandering thoughts of those in a long term relationship (coming up on 11 years myself....heh).  It's natural.  It's human.  It isn't glossed over like a rom-com.  It's well done.

Sam's story is really good.....and it pains me to say that her payoff and the game has dissonance that I cannot get over.

Sam meets Lonnie who is a punk rock, fuck authority, fuck the patriarchy girl who is going to join the army-what?..........Um......Yeah I don't buy it.  I guess chalk it up to "stupid teenager-ness" but that seems far, FAR fetched.  "Don't ask, Don't tell" is even brought up in the game and considering the two girls fall in love with each other.....I don't even.  The outspoken, raucous, started her own punk band, anti-authority, lesbian wants to join the army.....in 1994?  This isn't a good idea.  Kids aren't this dumb, and they can be pretty dumb.

Anyway, the two have a lovely relationship until the due date comes that Lonnie needs to report to boot camp (Sam also gets into a college for literature.  There is a pirate story that you gradually pick up and it wanders on a lot with the changes with Sam's mood and age.  The two girls eventually turn it into a comic that YOU CAN'T READ.  I would have read the shit outta that.)  Lonnie leaves for boot camp and Sam resigns herself to the spooky attic with red lights adorning the door saying she is going to stay up there forever.  However, at the very end of the game, you find the attic key, find an empty bed and a note that gives the final voice over saying Lonnie couldn't go through with it, can't stand being away from her, called Sam, and the two run away together happily ever after.....

I have two problems with this ending.

1.  Leading up to the attic, the second to last room is a hidden room behind the stairs with a goddamn pentagram where the two girls made their "final preparations" in an attempt to communicate with the deceased relative who they constantly ghost hunted as I alluded too earlier.  Immediately after finding an item here, the second to last voice over happens where a distraught Sam talks about going to the attic and....basically coming as close to possible as wishing she was dead without actually saying it (this is immediately after Lonnie leaves for boot camp).

I was invested in the story and dreaded going up to the attic thinking I was about to find a dead sister.  That obviously didn't happen.  Yeah, I could chalk it up to overly dramatical teenagers but not with the horror game tropes going on.  Instead, you find her dark room with a bunch of photographs of the two being happy together and with the voice over....I felt relief.  Relief is fine.  It's a good feeling.  But, the happy ending didn't feel all that happy because of that bait-and-switch.  The game tricked me again!

Another example, is when you find a bathtub with red stains on it.  They are positioned so that if a person was laying down in that bathtub, those are about where a persons wrists would be.  This comes immediately after Sam's journal entry about hating her parents.  I'd find a note after seeing the bathtub about how she helped Lonnie dye her hair red.  Yep.  THANKS.

What is this games deal?  The story is touching and makes you feel nice.  It's cute really.  It's fucking adorable.  But then I have a game that is trolling me because......why?  It's not like the game played with horror tropes in an interesting way or anything.  This game is definitely not satire.  It's more like, "lol, gotcha!".  Why you gotta play with my feels game?

I don't think anybody has ever said this but, Gone Home?  Gone Home is memes.

2.    This is probably the old man in me but....two teenagers sacrificing their future to be together is so not a good idea.

I only really thought of this after thinking about the game later but realistically, and the story is rooted in realism, is not likely to keep a happy ending.  Statistically, that relationship will not last.  Yes, the parents are religious and pretty pissed off about their daughter having a romantic relationship with another girl.  Running away from them?  Sure.  Go for it.

I....assume Lonnie's "Cool Dad" will take them in, as soon as he gets over the fact that his daughter is no longer joining the army and has no future, but....I assume that.

Whatever.  There isn't a whole lot of stories about a teenage lesbian romance out there in games so I guess I should let this slide.  But....lets have better endings in the future okay?

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Overwatch Review



So Overwatch is fun.  In fact, I'm likely to write about it more often, but here is a general review written more for people who haven't played than ones who have, but ones who have might see some hot takes.

Unfairly labelled a MOBA and a competitor to Battleborn (though it still is, kinda, that second thing), Overwatch is a Team Fortress rip off with a larger, more dynamic, character set.  The game is heavily, HEAVILY, geared toward team play thus getting it's "MOBA-lite" comparison despite being an arena shooter.  It's also very easy to pick up and play, so newbies shouldn't feel left behind, while also having plenty of depth and strategy.  You can sink hours into this game and still find new things.

Overwatch is about a bunch of heroes who used to be on a team called, well, "Overwatch", but after establishing world peace....or something....they've been called back into action.....for.....reasons.  I don't know.  Any lore or anything resembling a story is not in the game.  Sure, there is a ton of supplemental content like cool Youtube videos and wikis and whatever.  None of it is actually in the game and it's all very disconnected.  I'm not sure why the characters are doing......anything really.*

*There SEEMS to be some call to get Overwatch back together....for reasons....but there has been several falling outs....for reasons.  I only get this sense from scripted, pre-game banter.  I could be way off.

The team is led by a gorilla scientist.  A sentence I get to write.

So it's weird to say this next part but, the characters are BY FAR the biggest strength of the game.  They each have well established personalities, even if they are a bit archetypal (looking at you edgelord Reaper), and their designs just ooze more personality leading Overwatch to be one of the highest searched porn categories.*  Their skill sets also add to fleshing out their personalities as well making up for the total lack of "character motivation" a good character normally needs.  The pre-game banter, and unlockable voice lines and emotes, all help as well.

*I wouldn't know....or anything.**

**Yes, yes, I know.  Rule 34 and all that.  Still, Overwatch porn flooded the internet exceptionally fast.  I'm not the only one who has noticed (link is sorta NSFW, with censoring. Use caution).   It's a testament to great characters when everyone can't wait to see them fuck.  I'm not kidding.

That's the face of someone watching porn of themselves.

The characters are split into four classes: Attack, Defense, Tank, and Support.  Attack characters are good damage dealers, tend to be more mobile, and two of them are OP with the right person (Genji and McCree).  Defense characters are slower, usually have higher HP, two are turret types, two are harassing types, and two are snipers who can go fuck themselves.  Support characters heal, well 3 of the 4 of them heal, one only does shields and can set up low power but crafty turrets.  It's uh, it's weird.....Anyway.  One has a speed boost and another can debuff enemies.  Also, Mercy is almost identical to the Team Fortress Medic so an easy newbie character.

The tank class is strange.  Out of 5 characters, only two seem like true tanks IMO, Reinhardt and Roadhog.  Winston is best at disrupting lines and causing chaos, Zarya is like a Tank/Support hybrid who has a big learning curve, and D.va.  D.va might be the biggest discussion topic among tanks because she isn't a tank.  She's great at flanking, holding lines, and a super great sniper counter which I almost don't want to say because so few know this and it's like a secret with my buds.  The tank class is always a discussion among Overwatch fans so far and I will go into more detail in a future post.

The game is set up with 12 maps on 3.5 modes.  There are Assualt maps, Escort Maps, Control (king of the hill) maps, and hybrid maps hence the 0.5.  Assualt has you capture two points by standing in a box.  Escort makes you escort a payload....just like Team Fortress....huh.  Control is yep.  And, Hybrid maps have an assualt point to take first, then a payload to escort.  Except for the Control maps, you play either attack or defense and after a round, switch.  The faster an objective is captured, the more time you have to capture the next.  Overwatch also has a (sometimes shakey) Overtime system that as long as somebody is "on the point", you can stop the opposing team from, or on attack claim, an objective (it sounds more complicated than I can explain).

The maps are surprisingly better than I initially thought in the beta, as well as during my first, I dunno, 20 levels.  There are far more hidden hallways and possibilities for flanking than at first glance.  Gaining character knowledge also helps exploit the maps in character specific ways. They also having varying locales like Russian factories, old western roads, ancient Egyptian temples, a....a quiet Latin American town.

What to the people who live here think of all this?

Now....I know I ripped Star Wars:Battlefront for having few maps and recycled modes.  Why is it okay for Overwatch and not Battlefront?  A quick 3 points.

  1. Overwatch is built for team play.  Battlefront is not.  Battlefront has 20 players on each team in its largest modes, making team play near impossible.  
  2. Battlefront has no classes or any real different characters.  Sure, you can play as a Jedi, sometimes.  But it's basically random with 20 people, making any sort of strategy around a Jedi  player like trying to convince the very likely 12 year old Darth Vader to wait for help rushing the next pointtttt "where the fuck are you going kid?  No!  Stop!  *Dies*".  Yes you can get new guns and equipment too but the vast majority of it is either worthless or overpowered so everybody just uses the handful that's overpowered.  Overwatch actually takes balance into consideration.
  3. They are two different genres, technically.  Battlefront is a big, raucous, brainless, soulless, grotesque movie tie in that was rushed out the door.  Overwatch is about Overwatch.  Battlefront is about getting you more hyped for Star Wars movies, as if they needed it.  (Lets just say, Battlefront feeeeels more corporate.  EA does that).
It's so glossy

Overwatch has a leveling system that doesn't really mean anything other than "this dude played the game a lot....maybe".  There is a group EXP bonus too (which I have exploited as well as some others probably reading this, *high five*) but it's pretty negligible.  I've noticed the level 25-50 players tend to be the saltiest, self proclaimed experts of Overwatch.....

Yep, I love this game, but there are some negatives.

The vast majority of the community is fine.  Most people are quiet, which can hurt a team based game although sometimes things gel anyway.  The synergy is sometimes just right even on a totally silent team.  But other times, the synergy is wayyyyy off and everybody tries to do their own thing and get slaughtered.  This leads to some people....getting a sense of "know-it-all" when they clearly do not.  (Two snipers never, ever, ever works.....except like twice.  But usually, it's a shit show).  The community is slowly getting more salty (even myself at times) over bad character picks, people refusing to get on point when it's desperately needed (looking at you "always picks Hanzo player"), and Mei haters who can fuck RIGHT OFF.

Mei is bae.  I'm sorry Mei is the least "Call of Duty" of any character, and good Mei's need to spam ice walls, but you HAVE to forgive the occasional bad ice wall.  Sorry you're a fucking Genji on a defensive team fucking around in bum fuck Egypt while the rest of us hold this point and my ice wall stopped you from backing out of danger.  Maybe not spawn camp?????  I use ice walls to keep enemies from advancing on the point, block snipers, block turrets, and just general slowing them down.  Also, sorry I blocked your shot, friendly sniper or turret.  I'm sure THAT was the kill that would have solidified the win.    Mei is fucking bae!

I've always liked characters with ice powers.  Also, adorbs.  

Whoa....Got a little off topic there.

Overwatch is VERY popular so of course there are going to be some asshats.  That said, you don't have an RPG-like skill tree you need to climb in a single game.  The legendarily toxic League of Legends type of community is unlikely to develop here.  There is no "one way" to play a character.  The saltlords are routinely outnumbered.  There needs to be a punishment for rage-quitters (there used to be an exp penalty but I think it's gone.  Even then, that is a lame punishment) but I think the bad teammates are easily ignored and/or muted.

The saltiest of issues are character picks but Overwatch ENCOURAGES switching characters mid game if things are going south.  It's something, myself included, people need to get better at.  Each character has counter characters and it is admittedly hard to ditch a character I have a good K/D with.  It's obviously my teammates fault we are losing....right?

Learn as many as you can.  Sticking to one character only will lead to some bad times.

Overwatch's rewards could be better too.  You get a "Loot Box" every level, which are randomized skins, emotes, voice lines, sprays, etc.  You rarely get anything you want, you can get dupilcates (?!?!) which are converted to in game currency, and just generally suck.  Oh, also microtransactions.*  As if loot boxes don't suck enough, you can buy them for real world money.  The actual things you want?  You can't buy (I'd still hate them here but less so).  If there was an option to just get in game currency instead of randomized loot boxes, this would be 10x better.

*BTW, I don't do # outta 10 ratings in my reviews but the mere existence of microtransactions would drop this game a full point for me.  We are not harsh enough on game companies pulling this bullshit.  No, "It's just the way it is now" for me.  No.  It doesn't have to be.  Leave that to shitty mobile games.  And yeah, "only on cosmetics" is still a load a shit.  It's...in the game.  What am I paying for?

Luckily, this game isn't "pay-to-win" and it's mostly well balanced.  Some character issues aside (see next Overwatch post), the game is very welcoming to every skill type.  Hell, after practice, I'm starting to get better at my bad characters.  Except Hanzo because fuck him.

There is ALWAYS a Hanzo.  

Finally, I absolutely need to mention that Kill/Death ratio is pretty pointless in this game.  As long as you contribute to the team, it's all good. Timing can matter, sure, but overall K/D is devalued.  You cannot see teammates K/D.  Ever.  Also, some games, you just gotta throw yourself at the objective, death count be damned.  Sometimes you need to throw caution to the wind.  If a defensive team is holding a choke point, go Tracer or Reaper, get behind them, force them to defend the objective instead.  Sometimes you gotta fly in as a Mercy and revive a bunch of dead teammates knowing you are gonna die in the process.  Sometimes you gotta cover flanks as Symmetra and just sorta be in the background.  Sometimes you gotta be Genji or Tracer on defense and just be a general fuckwad that tries to disrupt an offensive back line, have a GREAT K/D but be a huge reason the team lost because of the aforementioned fuckwadded-ness

Mostly though, Overwatch is just fun as hell.  If you got the game on PC, hit me up and we can play together.  If PC is not viable, give the game a shot on console (which felt more K/D orientated but I bet is getting better), or not and miss out.  I got sold on this game by watching Youtube let's plays (mainly Jesse Cox's, who I don't even watch all that much).  There is more in depth stuff I could say about the characters and strategy....so expect that post some time.

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Mei is bae.  Some of you, fucking hate Mei.  Just want you to know.  You are very, very, wrong.  You came across a good one, and suck at Mei yourself.  I understand.  Mei is unorthodox to play as and good Mei's are a problem.  You're just jealous.  Let it go....snow and ice reference unintentional.

Friday, May 13, 2016

5 Problems I Have With Captain America: Civil War



Before I get to complaining, I thought Captain America: Civil War was okay.  They did a good job with Black Panther, every character other than Captain America and Ironman was just fine, and the movie handled a large cast shockingly good...most of the time.

So why can't I get a few things off my mind?  This movie got great reviews from the professionals so I can't help but wonder if this is a bit of fanboying or nitpicking or what.  Here are my five issues.

5.  Why did anything happen?

I know the impetuous is on governmental oversight but come on.  We all know the plot turned it into Martha Bucky.  It should have stayed on the Governmental oversight but that would have required a 3 hour movie.

Kudos for a Marvel movie FINALLY slowing down it's pacing at times...until the airport scene to the end...but it's a start.  It was mostly to give development to Black Panther, explain how the overpowered Scarlet Witch and Vision is secluded for the start, and to remind the audience that Cap and Bucky are just the best of friends (even though they shouldn't be).  All of that is fine, but some of those slower scenes could have been spent on the nuance of "how much power should the Avengers have"?  That is a cool question.  That is a similar question (albeit, extended to the entire Marvel Universe) to what the comic storyline is.  Why not explore that?

Oh, right, the MCU just wants to stay comic action for comic actions sake. Dare it to ask tough questions and Marvel wrongly points to the DC movies and laughs.*  Instead, we get Bucky the Martha plot device taking over the plot about half way through.  Couldn't, I don't know, couldn't Cap and Stark just....talk this over?  You're going to war over a dude who was brainwashed, Cap knows this, and, Stark just doesn't care?  No, Stark doesn't know.  So......oh god this is stupid.

*DC movies at least try to tackle tougher/headier/philosophical questions. Weirdly enough, those are often their best moments.  It's all the other stuff DC movies suck at.  

I KNOW they're being manipulated by "Totally Not Baron Zemo" but....how?  We get next to nothing showing him manipulating the heroes.  He just says at the end, "Yeah I totally did this."  Uh, okay.  Is Marvel so bad at villains it decided to almost completely ignore the villain from this one because they knew they couldn't do "Zemo" justice?  Ultron is a TERRRRRRRIBLE villain and he is ten times better than "Zemo".   I'm not even a Baron Zemo fan!  The fuck is this?  I may write a post JUST on Marvel's villain problem.

He's in this movie.  Get...the fuck....out.

BTW, the motivations for most of the other superheroes get basically one line of dialogue (which I thought was REALLY well done by the way) yet Captain America gets the entire movie and his motivation never seems to be more than wanting to help his bro.  He has NEVER been convincing in hating or not liking or even distrusting the governmental project that created himself.  Yeah, he's pissed he ended up in the future because he should....have....died when Red Skull's plane......what?!?!?!  The fuck does that have anything to do with the project that created YOU?

4. Tony Stark.

War Machine:  "Didn't you refuse to work with the Government before?"
Ironman:  "Well, that was before anybody died from my weapons."
(Still better reasoning than the NRA in my opinion).

Okay, I liked that Stark has a more human reason for suddenly embracing governmental oversight.  It actually made him seem right for once and, well, #TeamStark.

BUT, his character wouldn't linger on that for as long as this movie needs for a Civil War, a Civil War that is just as much his fault as Caps.  Tony Stark is still Tony Stark.  I can easily see him being upset after a mother tells the story about how her son was killed in their collateral damage but to have it haunt him enough to go through with everything in this....UGH, 2 weeks?  A month?  Again Marvel.  Why is it so hard to pinpoint a time frame in your movies?

Ironman wanted to get Shwarma at the end of Avengers 1.  Is this the same character now?

3. Vision and Scarlet Witch going MIA.  

...............When did this happen?  

A buddy of mine already pointed this out but, what were they doing through most of the airport scene?  Yeah, Vision shows up occasionally after he's done staring at the clouds.  Scarlet Witch is missing through almost all of it then has Team Stark Get Rekt.  I'm sorry but better fight scenes have their OP characters knocked out at the start by science/magic/whatever so that they have a reason to be missing for a bit and can turn the tide at the end.  Here, Scarlet Witch is just doing....something.  Vision, I assume, was just confused.

Maybe she took off to get a latte cause goddamn is this civil war stupid.

2.  The Fight Scenes.

I am SO goddamn sick of the Christopher Nolan, rapid fire, shaky cam fight scenes.  It's especially atrocious in the first scene.  I.....have no idea who punched what.   The airport scene was okay because they actually toned the rapid fire edits back shockingly enough, but the final Cap, Winter Solider, Ironman fight went back to this and I thought Cap decapitated Stark.  He didn't, and hey.....

Fuck you directors/editors if that was on purpose.  Tricks like that are just to make the audience think they saw a thing and in slower edits, it works.  Not when you IMMEDIATELY show that didn't happen with the rapid fire edit.  There was no time to process anything.  A fake-out isn't very effective when it lasts less than a second.

(I knowwww a lot of people have just accepted this rapid fire editing as the way fight scenes/action scenes are now.  Even Mad Max:Fury Road did this at times, but not always.  We need more Bruce Lee's.  It could be SO MUCH BETTER).

1.  WHY WAS SPIDERMAN HERE?

I hate everything about this picture.

Unlike the rest of my Twitter friends, I actually like Spiderman.  Well....I did until the Clone Saga, and the holy fucking shit this is literally the worst story ever told One More Day storyline.  Anyway, regardless of his age, he's supposed to be awkward, annoying, and short sighted because he's perpetually stuck being a teenager.  Teens are dumb you guys.  Have you talked to one recently?

Spiderman plays a HUGE role in the comic storyline because he's kind of neutral while also being Team Stark.  He actually reveals his identity in an effort to stop the Civil War.  It's not necessary here as this movie altered the comic plot from "Superhero Registration Act" to "This is totally real you guys we swear UN oversight".  If he isn't going to be the sorta neutral party.....why is he here?

I know the answer to my own question (to appease comic fans sorta) but he's here because....the teams needed rebalancing after Cap won 6 vs 4?*  His CGI-ness really stuck out and while you can't really MoCap the absurdly agile Spiderman, it still seemed - WHY DID HIS COSTUME'S EYES MOVE?  Is his costume magic?!?!?!  I know Stark gave him one but no, nnnnnnno!  There is no science for, the fuck that is.  It drives me nuts.  His eyes should be static goddamnit.

*Vidya garme reference, whaaaaaaaat?

Although, for as "qwipy" as every MCU movie is, I didn't mind Spiderman slinging jokes and one-liners because that is kinda his thing.  Also, Marvel is owned by Disney, which also owns Star Wars, Spidey makes a Star Wars reference......



Captain America: Civil War is a fine movie, I swear.  But I kind of hate it.  Its got Jurassic World syndrome.  Why does this movie exist?  I'm so confused.

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Follow me on Twitter I guess.  Whatever.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Overwatch Beta Impressions (maybe slightly NSFW image used).


I'm not a big fan of multiplayer only games and I'm one who typically doesn't like moba's, but even I couldn't resist the allure of Overwatch.  It took maybe a dozen Let's Play videos from people in the closed beta to make me want to check out the open beta.  And yeah, yeah, it's fun as hell.

I think it helps that Overwatch isn't really a moba but an arena shooter. Basically a Team Fortress sort of ripoff with light moba elements in its characters.  Every character seems to have a counter, balance is mostly okay, and abilities can often have unique powers against other characters.  The maps are varied enough to have a "capture the two points" maps, best of 3 capture and hold a single point maps, and escort the payload maps that usually have a point to capture first but not always.  I'd get sick of playing the same three lanes, towers, minions, thing many other actual mobas are designed as.  Plus, this game is a weird mix of hardcore and casual enough that it's easy not to take it too seriously.  I think Blizzard could have a real gem here and it will likely be my go-to multiplayer game for a long time.

I'd like to give you my impressions on some of the characters.  I at least tried every character over the roughly 25-30 hours I played, but many not enough to give a good opinion on.  So here is the top, ehhhh, 8 I played in ascending order.

Portal 3 looks hardcore.

8. Zarya - Yeah.  I'm surprised too.  I saw hardly anybody play her and probably for good reason.  I don't get this character.  She's basically a support tank, while also being kinda squishy for a tank.  Her particle beam isn't very long so she has to get in peoples faces.  It can get powered up with her barriers taking damage though.  You can give yourself and your teammates barriers....but they last roughly 2 seconds.  So, you basically need to predict when your teammates will leave cover AND when they might take damage, making this character incredibly hard to learn.  I never saw a really good Zarya, but down the road, if somebody really does learn her, they would be unstoppable.  Also, her Ult is a black hole that doesn't do damage but a coordinated team could really make some plays.  Think Zarya ult and McCree/Pharrah ult....good god.

Is she part robot or...?

7. Mercy - She's basically the Medic from Team Fortress only with a flight ability that usually gets me killed.  She can also boost a teammates attack but as soon as they start taking damage I immediately switch to heals.  Many have tried a Team Fortress style tandem of Medic and Heavy, but I haven't really found a great one.  Also, her ult can singlehandedly change the course of a game if she can resurrect several teammates that die at once.

Loudest damn gun in the game

6. Torbjorn - I had my best kill streak with this character at 26 despite not doing much work because turret.  I think I know the game I got this on too.  It was Route 66 and the opposing team decided to go with 6 Tracers (lolwut).  They eventually destroyed that turret, but I set up another one on the top of the ramp by the payload and....just threw out armor the rest of the match because they never destroyed that 2nd turret.  I barely had to fix it.  Also, his ult gives him and his turret super strength and it's a tad overpowered.
Yeah.  This death machine is so peaceful.

5. Bastion - Uh....more on him in a bit.

Dat smirk tho

4. Symmetra - I love this character.  You can get creative with her and her six sentry turrets.  There really isn't a stealth character in this game (Reaper sorta) and you know how I love me some stealth.  This character lets me be creative without the stealth.  I usually hang back with this character and let the sentry turrets do most of the work.  Symmetra can't really carry a team though so others need to do the heavy lifting.  Still though, I had the highest win percentage with her.  Her teleporter is soooooo nice for those long runs back too.

She's so sassy and I love it.

3. Dva - For a mech, it sure does explode easily.  Luckily you can run around and shoot a decently powered pistol afterwards...but you have no other abilities while in this mode.  At least she is fast.  Dva is the only tank I'm decent at and I had my 2nd best kill streak with her at 15.  I hate how she can barely move while shooting in mech form but, whatever.  On the last day of the beta, I learned how to use her better with the shield and her flight that lets her short range guns do far more damage.  Plus, her ult is RI-DIC-U-LOUS.  Seeing opposing players panic while looking for cover is fun though.

I don't see the big deal about her forearm thingies.

2. Tracer - Tracer is a lot of fun butt I suck at her.  I've lost the most games as her and die A LOT.  And, I've blinked off the side of a cliff.....several times.  That said, I tend to play her as a harasser.  If teams start chasing, oh man, it's on.  I never get many kills as her butt I can be twitchy and get teams to focus on me while the rest of my team captures the point.  Those are the good matches.  If they stick to their ground, then I'm useless as Tracer.  Her ult is okay butt I NEVER successfully got a bomb to stick.  Why do I always fucking miss?

Bae.

1. Mei - 

You: "I hate Mei.  She's too weak except suddenly I face a good one and everything sucks."
Me: "Mei.....is.....bae."
You:  "What? No. Why is her main attack so weak? It doesn't do much damage."
Me: "Mei..........is...............bae."
You:  "What are you talking about?  Her secondary icicle attack is strong but tough to aim without a scope.  Her ult seems to go where it wants too and her ice heal is super cheap.  She's the only one that can heal and be immune to damage while she does so."
Me:  "Mei............................................is..............................bae."
You:  "Why do you keep saying that?"
Me:  "Mei is bae.  Mei is bae."
You: "....okay."
Me:  "MEI IS BAE.  MEI IS BAE."
You:  "..."
Me:  "MEIISBAEMEIISBAEMEIISBAEMEIISBAEMEIISBAEMEIISBAEMEIISBAEMEIISBAE.  #Meiisbae.
You:  *clicks on twitter hashtag*  "Oh god!"

(Yeah don't click that hashtag on twitter at work.  It is, predictably, filling with porn.)

You do you Internet.  

Mei is a hard character to learn but once you do, Mei is bae.  I'm not sure who counters her except maybe a good Tracer since Mei is a tad slow.  Her ice wall is just...bliss.  I love periodically setting up a wall on a Widowmaker or Hanzo up high just cause I can.  I hope the Widowmaker is looking through her scope too when BAM, nothing but ice.  Her freeze ray is weak in damage but can freeze enemies for a icicle shot, melee, or partner with a friendly sniper.  I had the most objective kills with her despite never getting that many kills with her....if that makes sense.  I tend to play her as a defensive harasser, hanging around the objective and spamming ice walls that sometimes block my own team from making shots but hey, my teams win when I do that often so let it go for teams sake.  The best part is her durability as a non-tank.  I may not get many kills, except when they try to take my point, but I rarely die as her too.

Wow this is getting long for an impressions write-up.  4 more points about Overwatch I want to bring up.  

1. The maps tend to favor defense in my opinion, especially Volskaya Industries where the offensive team maybe won 10% of the time.  I don't know why this is since that last point has multiple paths to attack.  Coordination is key here so playing with randoms makes this near impossible.

Hollywood is also a rare attack win.

2. Fuck Bastion.  Okay, I played him quite a bit but I've been buried by defensive teams that go 3 Bastions with one Junkrat or Symmetra that set up kills for them.  I usually switch to Roadhog so I can hook those fuckers out of their turret formation. Unfortunately, nobody else switches so I just watch a bunch of Reinhardts get their shields blown away in seconds.  Snipers and a good Pharrah can counter Bastion as well.  Maybe Genji.  Speaking of...

3. Genji seems broken but he's actually really hard to play well.  A good Genji is the worst though.  Just....the worst.  #GenjiisNOTbae

Yes. I funny with dank memes too. Blaze it 420. Let us partake in some Mountain Dew and Doritos brother.

4. Finally, I played the beta on PS4 but I'm going to get the game for PC now that I have a PC capable of running it.  I already have nightmares of relearning everything with keyboard and mouse but I'll adjust.  That said....(my PC gaming friends are going to love this part)......

The PS4 community is struggle bus.  I know it's a problem on all platforms that too many people are unwilling to change characters mid match to counter but holy hell, why was I stuck on a poorly performing attack team with 3 goddamn snipers?  Not one player changed, we all got slaughtered and I tried to desperately capture a point with time running out 1 vs 6.  1 vs 6?!?!?  I even checked and all my teammates were ALIVE for that final rush.  The fuck were you all doing?  As an experiment, I decided to stick with them for another match and, I...ahh....3 goddamn snipers again on a best of 3 map!  Yeah, great picks.  I know you all want to snipe so badly but that is basically giving the other team the win.  

"Why you here love?"

There were FARRRRR too many times when I'm attacking the point and NEVER see a teammate.  Oh, they're not dead, they are just camping somewhere in an effort to get a good K/D.....in a game that really doesn't value K/D all that much. It's more about team kills as "eliminations".  As long as you did some damage, you get a point.  You can solo kill people obviously, but it doesn't really add up to winning necessarily.

I've mentioned this before in my Battlefront review but PS4 players have a lot of people who only want to a good K/D and couldn't give less of a shit about actually winning.  I know every platform has them but it seems egregiously high recently.  I know a lot of people (dickbags) have switched to PS4 after the Xbox One announcement debacle.  It was never this bad on PS3, or, at least it didn't feel like it.

Also, the saltiness at times, my god.  The only guy on voice chat in one match decided to spend most of the match whining that none of us were a Reinhardt while he was a fucking Mercy.  If we need a Reinhardt so bad....why not YOU change?  Mercy is a good support, I like her, but don't always need her.  We were losing, I switched to Roadhog, he kept healing me, and I made a play of the game that stopped the payload inches from the destination (we were the only two alive at the time) with 2 minutes left.  The rest of the team that never changed characters and I held them off and won.  So not only was this dude salty, he was proven wrong.  And in the next match, I was on his opposing team and played a part in stopping a payload inches from it's destination again with some perfect Symmetra turrets and held out for 4 fucking minutes.  He quit out after losing.  I....almost want to know what he was saying to his team.  It would have been the saltiest of whining and we would have to declare him the new Dead Sea.

I consist of shield and hammer....and rocket engine on my....back....what?

(I....just wanted to tell that story in the last paragraph).

Anyway.  Fun game.  I assume in time, people and teams will learn to counter better and the game won't be so defensively advantageous. I look forward to getting into the swing of things again on PC and playing with some buds who are probably reading this.

But still, hey Blizzard?  Maybe think about nerfing Bastion some.  Maybe a smaller clip in turret mode and/or a longer reload.  Thanks.

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Friday, May 6, 2016

Captain America: Civil War immediate reaction review

WARNING: IF YOU INTEND TO SEE THIS MOVIE AND PREFER NOT TO HAVE IT SPOILED DO NOT READ!!


OH. MY. GOODNESS!! I am thoroughly impressed, stunned, in anticipation of what's to come next! Marvel has seriously got this thing down so well its impossible not to love anything they put out (sans that awful fantastic 4 retry lol) I swear they're going to make me sound like a homer but damn Marvel just gets it! they know what buttons to push and when and they get it right 99 times out of a 100!

      Excellent job with integrating the Black Panther and now Spidey himself as well... I still love Paul Rudd as Ant Man that pick is still so absolutely brilliant on Marvels part, I liked the kid they picked to play Spidey but at the same time would've liked keeping the other one as well, his name escapes me forgive me its late and I'm lazy.... anyway Black Panther is going to be epic! cant wait for that movie to come out!! and now I want more dammit give us more!!!!

Friendly reminder than your friendly neighborhood Deadpool movie comes out on bluray and dvd IN 4 DAYS!!!

enjoy,
UtesAvsfan

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt Review


Note: This is a big game so this is a big review.

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt is the first open world RPG I've loved playing.  It is fantastic.  Every issue I have with open world games is addressed and while maybe not solved, has laid a foundation that I hope future open world RPG's will improve upon.  THIS is how you do an open world RPG.

For those that don't know, in the Witcher 3, you play Geralt of Rivia, a Witcher aka monster hunter.  Geralt's sorta wife Yennifer (it's complicated) leaves a note saying you need to contact her.  Once you do, you learn Geralt's protege and surrogate daughter Cirilla (Ciri) is alive, has reappeared and is on the run from the Wild Hunt.  The Wild Hunt are elves from another world who want Ciri because she is the child of the Elder Blood and has the power to manipulate space and time.  To complicate matters more, she is the real daughter of the emperor of Nilfgaard and rightful heir to the throne.  Emperor Emhyr is trying to conquer all of the northern realms because of course he is since you don't get Charles Dance to voice act a nice guy.

When you look like this, of course you're gonna take over the world.

Much of the game's main story is about tracking down Ciri and it works sooooo well for an open world game.  It is easy to pace as it sort of works like a detective story where you need to hunt down leads and talk to various people who have seen her.  While this is a minor spoiler that most people interested in the game probably already know, you actually get to play as Ciri when you meet somebody who tells Geralt the story of how they ran into her.  It's a cool way to tell her story in a more complete way rather than having to just follow along to dialogue.  Also, there are times when those leads end up being red herrings, end up needing to look for a person who knows a person who knows a person who saw Ciri, or....the trail goes almost completely cold.  There is even one point where her trail goes so cold that, without spoiling anything, Geralt has to take a big gamble on a barely noticed side character.

Ciri, however, is very noticeable though.  Everyone remembers her vividly.  

The pacing isn't perfect, but it does allow for side questing without breaking the narrative.  There are times when Ciri has a near miss with the Wild Hunt that demand urgency or times when a main quest character says, "hurry back" as if Geralt is a lunatic for going off and doing something else.  But it's a step in the right direction though and the game's presentation encourages this with secondary quests that have as much narrative as the main quest and at times.....OH MY GOD, actually relate to one another!!!!

The secondary quests mostly revolve around allies met in previous Witcher games, their involvement with the Nilfgaard War, and the succession of the Skillege throne.  These all have good stories that are told with the same importance as the main quest.  And they ARE important as decisions in these secondary quests will effect the main quest as well as the ending.  I shit you not, there is even a little bit of Mass Effect 2 style loyalty missions going on here.  I can't say more about that due to heavy spoilers but trust me.  Also, I was genuinely shocked when I failed a secondary quest because I kept putting it off, only for a dude in the main quest to say he killed my contact for it.  What the hell?  Main quests also effect secondary quests?

This is how you do side quests in open world games!  These ones mattered.  They had a great deal of variation too especially with the stories.  Sometimes you're hunting a unique monster only found in this quest.  Sometimes you're getting a little too involved in the war considering you're supposed to be a "neutral" Witcher.  One really unique secondary quest has you hunting down a serial killer.*  They never get boring or tired since they have as much production value as the main quests.

*I am still SO pissed that I failed this quest.

And this guy knows about ALL of it.    

For some reason though, the card game Gwent, horse racing, and fantasy fight club are included as secondary quests as well.  The fight clubs had next to no story and were dull.  The horse racing had story but it was repetitive and easy to exploit an AI bug,  And Gwent....okay, lots of people love it but I'm not a big card game fan.  It just isn't my jam so I mostly ignored it (also I suck at it).

Then you have Witcher Contracts.  Go to a town, look at the notice board, go to the contract giver, get some details, talk to witnesses/examine bodies, track down the monster using your Witcher sense (more on gameplay later), then fight it.  These are pretty standard in structure but even these are good.  Each ends with a boss fight of some beefed up monster so proper planning is a must (and a handful are unique monsters only found in the Contracts).  You can even do a contract on accident if you run into a contracted monster while exploring.  Kill it, and you can still go get some money from the contract giver for doing a contract you didn't know existed.

Yeah. "Some" money.  LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT THING!  The payment is never enough.

Then you have treasure hunts, which are almost mandatory to look cool, but a miss with this game.  This is the only way to find Witcher gear and you NEED Witcher gear because.....every normal armor you buy in stores looks like shit!  They are terrible on the eyes.  I've never cared about my video game protagonist needing to look cooler like I have in this game.  Only the Witcher gear looks cool.

Gross.

You find this stuff by buying maps from merchants but once you start on one Witcher gear path it's not wise to jump to another path.  I went with the Cat School gear because it complemented my character build, which was rogue like some magic.  But after the starter stuff, I could never find a goddamn map to find the upgrades.  I tried finding them randomly in the world and yeah, I found almost every upgrade to some Witcher gear....the Bear School gear which is for a tank build gahhhhhhhh.  What am I supposed to do?  Run around the entire huge in game world and find the ONE merchant who sells the ONE map to my upgraded Cat School gear?  Then, DO IT AGAIN for the next upgrade?*  Nah.  I said fuck it and Googled it.

Nice.

 *Also, I didn't max out my levels but I was close.  Why in the HELL were some merchants selling swords that did more base damage than my Mastercrafted Cat School Witcher swords?!?!  You going to tell me this Velen Longsword, one of the most common swords in the game, is better than my mastercrafted Witcher sword????  Get the fuck out.

Finally, you have generic side quests shown randomly in the world with "question marks" on the map.  These can be Guarded Treasures (fight a tough monster that rarely led to Witcher gear so I usually sold all that shit). Bandit Camps (that sometimes lead to a "hidden treasure" that was usually garbage or you free a prisoner who gives you garbage), abandoned villages (where you clear out monsters for a populace to move back into...cause it's a nice thing to do I guess), and other random bullshit.

Even Witcher 3 has these hackneyed open world game conventions.  Copy paste, copy paste.  They are pretty fine when you come across one while traveling, but many need to be searched for.  It really did feel like busy work doing the ones off the beaten path.

It's so big

HOWEVER, the shitty repetitive side quests don't feel like they detract from the main or secondary quests.  While there are a fuck load of them, it feels like...dare I say, a 70/30 split in favor of the main AND secondary quests combined?  They are actually SIDE quests and not the main part of the game.  And at least they are very quick to do, once you finally get to its destination.  So really, the most annoying things are 1. There's A LOT of them and 2. Traveling to them is the biggest time sink.  Baby steps.  We're getting better here.

I've already alluded to this but choice is important in this game as well, particularly in the narrative.  Unlike other choice heavy games though, this game really doesn't hold your hand about it.  Sometimes it's based on dialogue options, sometimes it's based on actions in a particular quest.  Simply doing or not doing some quests seem to have effects at all.  The adult orientated Witcher doesn't pull punches here either as some quests give you two AWFUL choices.  Let's just say I saved a bunch of orphans (yay me!), by releasing an ancient demon who later massacres a village (boo me!).  It is a key moment in this game and a brutal choice.  Beware the Crones of Crookback Bog.*

*I don't even care if this is kind of a spoiler.  Seriously, beware.  That whole sequence is fucked up. What was I supposed to do? SPOILER (Let them eat the orphans?).

Quality is not compromised by quantity in this open world game......oh man it felt good to write that.  One more time, quality is not compromised by quantity.  Yes, this game is huge with a ton of shit to do, but people like me also have that tight narrative that we've been craving in our RPG's.  The overall story was very good and the ending I got was just perfect for how I played it.

Almost every video game journalism outlet had a near 3 way tie for Game of the Year for 2015.  MGSV: The Phantom Pain, Fallout 4, and the Witcher 3:Wild Hunt.  Witcher 3 ended up winning in almost all of them, and for good reason.

This is the transitional, evolution of games, I've been waiting for.  If future open world games can improve on this foundation, we may see their problems vanish.

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Follow me on Twi - wait a minute.  I have more to say!  (See spoiler footnote at end of post too)

The world of Witcher is great and mayyyyybe my favorite among fantasy universes in video games.  (Final Fantasy doesn't count).  Based on Polish folklore, you get some rarely seen monsters.  Yes, you have Griffins, Wyverns, Vampires, Warewolves, Golems, Harpies, etc. but you also get things like Foglets.  They are near invisible, super annoying, and hunt in the fog.  You get Fiends which, oh god, Fiends are like huge demonic reindeer.  My favorite is the Leshens, which is basically an evil tree.  They can control crows and are tough fights even when you out level them.  Also, there is a thing called a Botchling.  It's an evil fetus....

...uh...

Or is it evil?  That's the thing with some of these monsters.  Some can be helped with non violent means and just need a curse lifted.  The, like, two demons in the game (which are thankfully super rare unlike Dragon Age) can't really be killed so you have to trick them.  Trolls seem sort of intelligent, well dumb intelligent, and can usually be talked too.  Also, I never once killed a Succubus. They are obviously VERY intelligent, they can speak to you fluently, and even the bestiary questions wither they are monsters or a forgotten race.  It also says they don't kill people and some are immune to their sexy ways so....meh.

The environment is great.  The swamps of Velen are creepy and full of monsters.  Novigrad is huge and I still don't fully know my way around the city.  Skillege is a bunch of mountainous islands with awesome people I want to drink and fight with (they're basically Vikings).  One of the most awe inspiring moments I had with this game is riding my horse into Novigrad for the first time.  It was some uncanny valley shit.  You see tall buildings on the horizon, then you come across the villages outside the city walls and the streets are packed with people, then you enter the city and wow.  I just...it's weird but it was one of those amazing "quiet moments" you see in video games.  Hard to explain.

It's pretty.

The gameplay is pretty great too even if it has some flaws.  Combat is action orientated but has strategy elements almost unheard of in games.  You also have magic, alchemy, crafting and Witcher Sense which is alright.  Witcher Sense is basically just like any other Assassins Creed vision or Bat vision from the Arkham games only better.  It isn't blindingly dumb looking, it's mostly for following monster tracks and hunting for clues, and it feels far more useful than in other games with the same mechanic.  I know that's subjective as hell but it is.

Combat mechanics are basically like a Dark Souls-Devil May Cry-Arkham mashup with a quick attack, strong attack, side step dodge, roll dodge, block/parry, etc....but looser than Dark Souls.  They aren't SUPER tight, but tight enough. The strong attack has a lonnng wind up so I rarely used it and parrying only works with humans although you can time an Arkham style counter attack.  I went heavy on the quick attack and dodges. Instead of the game going for typical hack-n-slash combos, I ended up using a lot of "roll then attack" tactics as quick/strong attack combos seemed pointless. However, this did kind of lead me to button mash two buttons a lot.  I know this is gonna be a killer for some people reading but luckily there are other nuances.

You also have some magic attacks called "signs".  They are a fire attack, a telekinetic knockdown, a shield, a magic slowdown trap, and mind control.  It is an absolute MUST to upgrade the mind control because it's also useful in dialogue as you can Jedi mind trick people.   Also, the magic trap is the only way to make Wraiths vulnerable to attacks, and the shield is useful against Ice Giants, Cyclopses, and other heavy hitters.  Telekinesis can knock a shield out of a bandits hands if you upgrade it enough too.  You need to use a variation of signs depending on the situation and the enemy.  It's a good mix and I used them all to go with my "roll then attack" strategy.

Missed opportunity to call this "Dragon Hand".

Also in your arsenal is a crossbow for the flying and underwater enemies (it doesn't deal much damage and is used more as a distraction), bombs which I consistently forget I have, and other various magical doo dads including a lamp that only works in one early quest but is never used again.

You also have potions, dedoctions, and oils from the Alchemy system.  This is a mixed bag because once I got to higher levels, I rarely used any of them outside of healing potions and the cat potion that lets you see in the dark.  The Alchemy system itself is cool as you only need to brew a potion once and you will always have it as long as you have alcohol to replenish it.  It admittedly takes some getting used to though.  Just meditate and your potions are restored because why not I guess?  Okay, cool.  You can eventually upgrade these potions if you find the schematics and the increasingly more rare resources needed for them.

Oils can be applied to a sword to do more damage to a certain class of enemy and I stopped using these after a while.  They are important early on but again, level destroys all need for them.  Dedoctions are super specific and I NEVER used one because they all have a risk benefit thing going and the benefit was always something bizarre like adrenaline points.*

*I don't know what adrenaline is. Seriously.  No idea.

That said, I still liked the combat.  All of this gives you a bunch of options.  This game is kind of tough, at first, but main quests give out a TON of experience points so it's easy to become over levelled mid-game if you decide to put off side quests (which give out hardly any EXP).  Still though, end game was still challenging as main quests scale to your level.

The Witcher 3's skill tree is impossible to fill out everything so you need to pick a speciality.  I went with upgrading my mind control, telekinesis, magic trap, and quick attack quick attack quick attack, soooooo much quick attack I eventually unlocked this...thing where I whip a sword around for like 10 hits like I'm wielding a light saber in a Star Wars prequel and it's awesome.  You can also put points into Alchemy but I never did...which is probably why I saw their usefulness decline.

Best for Chemistry majors.

There is also a crafting system that is super close to what Dragon Age: Inquisition uses but tedious as hell.  You still need to collect schematics, like with the aforementioned Witcher gear, and you need to collect resources via looting, picked up in nature, or bought from merchants.  The one annoying thing is that in order to get weapons made, you visit a blacksmith.  To get armor, you visit an armorer, and the two are NEVER close together (except in Kear Trolde, Skillege).  Even then, you have to find someone who is skilled enough to create what you want.  There is only one mastercraft worthy blacksmith and one mastercraft worthy armorer in the world and of course they don't live anywhere near each other.  Plus, the good stuff requires some hard to come by ingredients that either ONE merchant SOMEWHERE sales OR you can craft the ingredient from other ingredients that SURPRISE you don't have OR can be stripped from an item that WHAT DO YOU KNOW, you accidentally sold it.  ARRRGH.  Basically, you have to do lots and LOTS of running around to get that sweet gear crafted.

Overall, the actual gameplay has its flaws but they are almost more like "strange qwirks" than actual flaws.  Other than the annoying crafting, everything is entertaining and fun, but it's not scaled properly with character level.  At higher levels, there is no need for battle planning anymore as you can just one hit kill most enemies*.  Granted, this might be because of the way I played and in retrospect (that whole never upgrading my alchemy skill tree thing), I should have bumped the game up to a higher difficulty when it was getting too easy.  That's my fault, but I still remember dying on the same Nightwraith over 10 fucking times who was only one level above me.  I didn't feel comfortable doing so cause I always thought that super hard dungeon was coming up.

*This over-confidence screwed me a few times though.  Earth Elementals can go fuck themselves.  Definitely need a tank build to take them on without any buffs.  

This guy is nuts going up against one under-levelled.

Witcher 3: Wild Hunt is not perfect but goddamn do I love it.  If I played the game again differently, I'm sure I could use the Alchemy system completely different than I did the first time.  Of course I spammed one attack when I put a majority of my skill points into that one attack.  It was still fun and goddamn does this narrative patch up the flaws in the gameplay, kinda like a bizarro MGSV for me.

The world of Witcher is too rich to be left alone forever.  CD Projekt Red is sick of it, I'm sure, but come on.  Geralts story is done but we could visit this world again.  I'd like too.  (Ciri maybe?) .  And unlike Mass Effect, it's a universe than can easily be accommodating to every ending.  Let's do this again some time.

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SPOILER SECTION.

I have a few points I want to bring up.  Well, more like questions.

1.  WHERE IS THE THIRD CRONE?  I know she survived to warn the Wild Hunt, which is why the last mission causes Avalach to do his Admiral Ackbar "It's a Trap" impression, but she isn't present for the actual final quest.  She better not have been saved for DLC.

2.  How come we don't get resolution to Pricilla and Dandelion's story?  Does Pricilla get her voice back?  Also, I failed to kill the serial killer and he keeps leaving his sermons all over Novigrad taunting me.  Is he going to come back and finish the job so to speak?  I doubt he will but it seems like a weird oversight when even that lady in the "haunted house" with a Godling story got an ending.

3.  Finally, my Novigrad ending left the city still being racist as shit.  I have no idea what I could have done to prevent this.  I helped the mages escape.  I killed the leader of the Witch Hunters.  What more could I have possibly done?